HINDSIGHT

011

I was waddling my way to our house when I stopped on my tracks. “Hey, guys! What’s up? I didn't know you’d all be here.” I smiled at them amiably, but they all just looked at me with a grim face. I frowned when they remained silent and refused to answer my question. “What's wrong?” I asked breathily. I could sense something was in the air based on their expression. “Eleana.” I heard my dad call my name in a cold manner. 

Napalingon ako kung nasaan siya at sinalubong ang malalamig niyang mga ata. I got goosebumps upon meeting his cold gaze. “Hey, Dad!” I tried to appear as casual as I could. Napabalikwas ako sa gulat nang may hinagis siya na kung ano sa harapan ko. I saw my brother behind him with a disappointed look kaya tinignan ko ang bagay na nasa harap ko. It was the bag where I kept the drugs and marijuana I bought from someone I met at school. I shook my head in denial. 

“Tell me what’s the meaning of this, Eleana Jul Greene, this instant!” Dad yelled at me full of disdain. “I– I– don’t know.” I answered in refutation. I felt my eyes burn. “For the love of God, please, tell me what they were accusing you of is not true. Deny it!” The emotion I was feeling amplified when he pointed to my friends. My muscles quivered in terror, but anger prevailed amongst all these feelings. I looked over my shoulder to glance at them. Bakas sa mga mukha nila ang takot at kaba. 

I felt betrayed.

“You confided in him?” I exclaimed in disbelief. They just stared at me. “You confided in him?! You, of all people?!” Hindi makapaniwalang sabi ko sa kanila. August stood up from where she was seated and crossed the room. Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko and I saw how her tears gushed down her pretty face. “We just did what we thought was right. All we wanted was to protect you.” Nag-unahan mag sipatak ang mga luha ko. Marahas kong pinunasan ang mga yon. 

I shook my head. “How do you know what's best for me?” I asked deeply. Hindi siya nakasagot kaya binawi ko nang marahas ang kamay ko. “Why do you have to do this, El?” Tinitigan ko sa mga mata ang ama ko. “You know why.” I responded bitterly and grazed my teeth on my lower lip. Iniling niya ang ulo. “I don’t, that’s why I am asking you.” He persisted. I gritted my teeth. “Dad, you know. You are well aware of what I was doing. You know what this bullshit is.” I muttered under my breath. 

“Dad, what is she talking about?” Sumingit sa usapan si Kuya. I didn't know he came back from the States already. “Ano pa nga ba? He’s haunted by a ghost from the past.” I scoffed and gave them a smug look. Napahimas ang matandang lalaki sa baba niya. “Tell him, Dad. Tell everyone in this fucking room how much of a mess you were.” Mariin kong sagad. I heard Samara sharply inhaled. “What do you mean, El?” My naive brother asked in bewilderment. 

It is apparent in their faces that they are baffled by the situation. “Hindi kita pinalaking ganyan, Eleana. Your mom didn't raise—""Mom died before she could even nurture me.” I interrupted his narrative. “Ikaw ang nagpalaki sakin. I picked this all up from you, while you shroud yourself in your own misery. While I, I was robbed of my childhood, robbed of yearning. I took the blame you levied against me. But what was I to do? I am still grieving, just like the both of you.” I said to spite them. “It hasn't been ten years since she passed.” I bitterly added. 

“Stop this nonsense. Eliron, get the keys. You, come with us.” He pointed at me and signalled me. I was disoriented for a moment. There he is again, invalidating my feelings. “No.” Matigas kong saad. “Hindi ako sasama sa inyo.” Pagmamatigas ko and it didn't take him a minute to sweep me off my feet. “Put me down!” Nagpupumiglas kong sigaw. Pinaghahampas ko ang likod niya but it was futile. Anong magagawa ng isang katorse anyos na bata? 

Sinakay niya ako sa may likod ng kotse. I saw my friends following us but my father was quick to stop them. “Sorry, girls. You're staying here.” Tumayo ako sa pagkakaupo ko at pinihit ang hawakan ng pinto pero naka child lock ito. “What do you think you're doing, Dad? Where are you taking me?!” Hindi sumagot ang ama ko. Pinilit ko nang pinilit buksan ang pinto kahit pa umandar na ang sasakyan. I don't care anymore. Baka mas mabuti pang mawala na rin ako.