HINDSIGHT

013

“I mentioned you to my mom.” Napalingon ako kay Theo, who is dropping me off to school, when he spoke. My face scrunched upon hearing what he just said. Did I hear him right? “You what?” I asked, seeking clarity. “I mentioned you to my mom.” My eyes widened and I gave him a puzzled look. “Why?” Tanong ko ulit. “Hm? What do you mean?” Saglit niya akong tinapunan ng tingin at binalik ang mata sa kalsada. 

“I mean, why mention me? There's nothing worth mentioning.” I replied, baffled. He smiled gently at me. “Every moment with you is worth mentioning, Eleana.” Puno ng sinceridad na aniya. The side of my lips jerked. “She was disheartened when she learned I worked my ass off the whole Christmas. And guess what? It lightened up her mood when I mentioned what we did during Christmas.” kwento niya. I smirked when I remembered what we did. “Did you mention to her what happened in the hood of your car, too?” I saw him licked his lips and scoffed mischievously. I gave him a smug look.

Humarap siya sakin nang huminto kami sa may stop light. “I didn't know you could be so naughty.” I flipped my hair. “I used to be the soul of laughter befo— nevermind.” I cut myself before I even completed my sentence. Kumunot ang kanyang noo. “What do you mea—” beep! Saved by the bell— oh, or perhaps, by the green light. “Anyhow, she wanted to meet you badly.” Biglang bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. “W-what did you say?” I stammered. I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. 

“I told her you would be too uncomfortable. I mean, she’s hardly an acquaintance.” Parang nabunutan ako ng tinik sa puso when he said that. “You're not wrong, though.” I agreed with him. Hindi ko rin alam kung anong sasabihin o gagawin ko once I faced his mom. Like, what should we talk about? Shall I mention to her that I made out with his son on the hood of his car and almost gave my all to him? No, I would not. Though, after that incident, we kinda ended up doing the same thing over and over again here in his car. Like, I was pining for it. It turned me into a maniac. 

“Yeah, I knew that.” Tumango siya. “Oh, here’s my stop.” I muttered. “Your stop? What am I, your driver?” Theo protested. I controlled my laughter. “Bakit, hindi ba?” His gasp was audible. “I'd like to point out, I am not.” Hininto niya ang sasakyan and I opened the door before he could. “Ako na. Thanks for dropping me off.” I told him and got off. Before I closed the door, he said to me, “I'll pick you up later. Let's have dinner.” and flashed me an innocent smile. I rolled my eyes to conceal my smile. “Sure. Whatever.” 

… 

My eyes were finding Theo nang makalabas ako ng gate. I strode fast to get here when I read his text as soon as my last class was over. We've been doing this for over, my estimate is, almost two months. He picks me up daily and drops me off at school. Then, after my classes, he would pick me up from school and we’ll have dinner. In hindsight, I could say I got accustomed to this feeling and to him being there. Nakasanayan ko na yung gawi namin.

I didn't want to be accustomed to this new thing, but I was surprised myself. I adapted quite easily. Madaling makapalagayan ng loob si Theo. I just hate the persisting notions that this will later meet its inevitable end. And I hate an untimely ending. It gives so much anticlimactic feeling to it, after expecting so much. Yung pakiramdam na nawalan ka nang hindi mo malalaman kung ano. I resent that godforsaken feeling so much. I am expecting for this, whatever we have, to prosper. I don't ever wanna lose this with Theo. Not this one, oh God, please. But what power do I have to overpower fate? I have none. It's futile. 

I found him leaning on the passenger side door with his phone in his hand. Agad akong lumapit sa kanya para sana gulatin siya, but he embraced me before I could even. “Hindi mo ko madadala sa mga ganyan, El. You should do better.” Mahina kong kinurot ang tagiliran niya kaya napakislot siya. “Ow! I just want a hug, please.” I rolled my eyes and hugged him back. I inhaled his scent. Ang bango niya lagi. Hinigpitan pa niya ang yakap. I need this one, too. “How's your day?” I felt his breath beside my ear. I hitched my head to that direction. “Nothing better. As usual.” I smiled at him earnestly.