HINDSIGHT

015

My hands are sweaty. Nasa elevator na ako ngayon because Theo texted me that he's here already. I didn't mean to be nervous, but this is beyond what I imagined. Nakakakaba pala when the moment has come. When the elevator pinged, meaning that I've reached the lobby, I took a long deep breath. Hindi ko alam anong nangyayari sakin. It's just Theo, it’s not like this is news to me. We've done things anyone could ever imagine in someone in their mid twenties. Albeit not surpassing the point of kissing. We just do kissing. That's about it. No touching. 

“Hey!” Bati sakin ni Theo nang makalabas ako ng building. I smiled awkwardly at him. “Hi!” I greeted him back nervously. Gosh, I hope he doesn't notice that I am fidgety. It’s forty five minutes past seven. I am guessing he was busy, given the fact that he couldn't respond to any of my texts, which is quite good. It preceded a long discussion with my friends. He looks tired, actually. “Are you good?” Tanong ko sa kanya habang nakakunot ang noo. “Yeah.” He replied quickly and enveloped me in a tight hug. Hindi ko alam kung kailan nagsimula ito, but we kinda developed a hobby where we embrace each other. As an individual deprived of physical touch and affection, this was fulfilling and it gave me a sense of relief. 

I inhaled his scent. I rubbed his back and smoothed his hair to ease his tiredness. “You're tired. You sure you still wanna cook dinner? We can just grab something on the way.” I suggested pero mabilis niyang iniling ang ulo. “I don't wanna.” He mumbled childishly. It's kinda cute when he gestures and exhibits behaviours like this. It shows what sort of upbringing he had. Madalas niya ring ikwento na he picked up this personality from his dad. Must be nice to have a father like the one he has. I imagined life would've been a lot easier if only I had some figure and guidance beside me. 

“But you're so tired.” I countered in a reprimanding tone. “I'm fine. Let's go.” Humiwalay siya sa yakap and led me to his car. His hand is on my hips and I circled my arm around his. “How's your day? Did you enjoy catching up with your friends?” He initiated a conversation. I peered at him through my lashes. “You bet.” I whispered and he flashed me a smile. “That's good to know.” He opened the door for me when we reached his car at agad naman akong sumakay. 

Mabilis lang din kaming nakarating sa restaurant niya. It's a typical Tuesday night kaya wala masyadong traffic. “What do you plan to cook?” Tanong ko kay Theo when we entered the kitchen. It's all cleaned up. Sarado na rin ang restaurant since weekday naman ngayon. They close earlier than weekends. “Some steak. We could have it over wine.” He replied habang inaayos ang mga gagamitin niya. Lumapit ako sa kanya para tumulong. “What can I help you with, hmm?” I initiated. Knowing Theo, he wouldn't want me helping him. Gusto niya siya lagi ang gumagalaw. I don't wanna be a burden. 

“It's okay. I can manage. You just sit there on the stool and watch me.” I rolled my eyes on his response. “Agh! Wala ba talaga akong maitutulong?” angal ko as I took a seat. “No, it's okay.” I yielded. Every time I am with Theo, I get the sense that he’s coddling me. He is spoiling me with things I don't experience on a daily basis, treating me like I am fragile. He feeds me. Picks me up and drives around town if need be. He lifts my mood. Most specially, he mediates between my addiction and I. He has no knowledge of any of these but he keeps me on the ground. He keeps me sane. He is my gravity and my salvation. I know it's too early to utter such things, but I know. I've never been this certain my whole life. In simpler terms, he gives me the princess treatment. 

“You eat any kind of meat, right?” Tanong niya sakin and looked over his shoulder. I was pulled back from my head. Napatakip ako sa bibig ko at pinigilan matawa. Some weird and twisted thoughts intruded my mind. “Yeah. I do. Lean or chunky. Whatever is fine.” wonder crossed Theo’s face upon my remark. His forehead is creased. “Okay.” He replied with a weirded out tone. I just flashed him a sweet grin. I lightly tap my forehead. This is all Aira’s fault. Oh, who am I kidding? These are but my own thoughts.