Diamond Heart | Hyunbinchan

Chapter 4

"I met my soulmate," Changbin tells Chan when he drives him to the airport.

It's early, before sunrise. Chan could have taken a taxi. He could have gotten a company driver. He could have taken the bus. But when he told Changbin he'd fly to Australia, Changbin had offered to drive him to the airport, and Chan had never been good at telling Changbin no.

"Well," Changbin adds and lifts his shoulders awkwardly, "I think I did. Or, like, I did meet him, but he doesn't know I'm his soulmate."

"Uh, what?" Chan says, clenching his fingers around his phone so he won't reach up to touch the mark on his collarbone.

"Like..." Changbin stops at a red light. "I saw him wearing one of those workout shirts? Sleeveless, with a wide collar, so his tattoo was visible. I panicked but then I asked him what the flower is called, because I still had no idea – and he said it's a lilac, and it blooms in spring, and it means first love."

Chan tries to swallow, but his mouth is suddenly dry and it takes multiple tries.

"He then said he thought it would be a romantic thing to get tattooed, and I don't know, I must have looked suspicious, so he gave me a business card and told me to tell his soulmate to find him, since I looked like I recognised the flower."

"Wow."

Changbin laughs and the light turns green. "I haven't even looked at the business card yet."

"Are you afraid?" The words leave Chan's mouth before he realises. He focuses on Changbin's hands on the wheel, his strong arms, the knuckles he once upon a time dreamt of kissing. "Don't be afraid."

"You think?" Changbin looks at Chan for a second, a small smile and familiar eyes, then he looks ahead again. "Do you think I should try to see him again?"

Chan opens his mouth, and when no sound comes out, he clears his throat. "Yeah, Binnie. You deserve it. Get his name, get to know him – you can take it slow, and it's not like you have to introduce him to your parents immediately."

"Yeah," Changbin chuckles. "You know, sometimes I think I'm in touch with my emotions, but then I realise I'm really not."

"Mood," Chan says, because he doesn't know what else to say to that.

"Are you gonna be okay?"

The question falls down into the void of Chan's soul, and Chan finds only silence in answer, the echo swallowed. "Maybe it's burnout," Chan says, smiling and pretending he's not making something up on the spot – though, honestly, burnout doesn't seem unlikely for him – "I'll try to, like... relax, go swimming, maybe write a song or two."

Changbin nods. "What about your art?"

Oh. "I haven't been able to come up with anything since..." Since you got your mark and I fled to the studio to deal with my heart that I didn't even know could break. Since I discovered your flower on my skin, too. He hasn't been to the art studio since. The painting should be dry by now. What mistakes would he notice if he looked at it now, weeks later?

"Yeah," Changbin says, and doesn't say anything else.

The rest of the drive to the airport is spent in silence, and Chan even closes his eyes and listens to the quiet murmur of the fancy car.

He breathes deeply, remembering meditative exercises. Tries to look forward to Australia's sun and the comforting sound of the sea. All he can focus on is Changbin's soft breathing and the quiet rustle of Changbin's clothes when he moves his arms to turn the wheel. The car seat won't swallow Chan.