Sage.
This day sucks.
Just like all the other days before.
When you get one second to finally breath, you get pulled under once again. I am absolutely suffocating.
And I get it. I am not the easiest person to work with. I am pretty difficult. I know it all. I have to live with myself too.
But when can I just inhale for once and not fear that it will be my last? I act tough because my mind is drowning.
Half of the time I don't even know what I am doing, except acting on instinct. And even then, I feel like it betrays me.
Ever since I had to replace my cousin, my mental health went downhill. It resulted in me being a fulltime bitch, but can you blame me? I let it all consume me, until I bit back. That's when you get labelled a bitch.
The bitch who doesn't know kindness.
A girl who is tired of getting used.
And many people are scared, scared of becoming me. Even though they don't know shit about you.
You know, many people say betrayal from someone close hurts the most, but I don't know. I guess they don't know how it feels when unfamiliar people point things out.
"Look at her"
"We have a female heir?"
"She's pathetic"
"I bet she's going to cry"
"She's not even pretty. I thought this family only had good genes?"
I was around fourteen years old.
Fourteen and exposed to a toxic environment. I was getting judged from all sides. Trust me when I say that this influences someone's childhood immensely.
And let me tell you, when that person said I would cry, I made a promise to myself.
I would not shed a tear anywhere near people.
It's actually pretty hilarious though. The same people who made those comments, now address me as their future leader.
Anyways, my day. Right.
It was bad to say the least. I had to survive the wrath of Juan.
I seriously don't understand why people still work for him. They're probably just scared. If you underestimate Juan, you have yet to get your mind blown.
Literally.
After my run in the woods, I went to get a shower and do some paperwork.
Many people don't know I like to run, it gives me a moment to escape all the tension and people. And not to forget the scent. The woods smell amazing, especially after rainfall. It is what peace feels like.
Once I was out of the shower, I got dressed in some comfy clothes and sat in my office. Yup, I have an office. I don't use it that much, but it can be nice to have a space all for yourself in a building full of people.
Especially when they all don't like you. Eventually you learn to ignore them unless they put effort in talking to you.
Nysa has always been there for me. She was here when I first got introduced to the family. She smiled at me. At the girl everybody loathed.
It was like a sunray in the middle of a dark cloud. She introduced me to her brother and things pretty quickly developed. She became my friend, my only friend. I never forgot about Atlas, though. But Nysa made it a lot better.
YOU ARE READING
Growing Fires with Old Ashes
Romance''While I was beating myself up over you. You were giving someone the butterflies that were meant for me.'' ----------- After years of being abandoned, drugs and alcohol, Atlas Bressett ends up becoming the new heir of the Usoro Mafia. He turned int...
