Uncle Cas

Even the sun sets in paradise

Even the sun sets in paradise

He had finally done it. Well, not really, but it was good enough, he needed some time away from Dean.

Nora had been surprised that he had been the first one to jump the plane to LA but in all fairness she had been hounding him about this project for a while and he had been on again off again about moving to LA.

Sure, this was no real move. It would only last a couple of years and he promised Mary to be home for Christmas and the likes (he had lied). He hadn't given up his apartment either, just telling Mary and John to take care of it in the meantime. Nora had told him the company would pay for his and his colleagues living arrangements for one year but Castiel wasn't worried; he believed he would be able to afford paying for his little apartment even after that. And John had told him he and Mary would help otherwise. They obviously didn't want him gone, if John's words were to be trusted, and Castiel suspected that they thought that by keeping the apartment they would ensure his return.

He wondered if they would want him around as much if they knew what he and Dean had done while they slept. How he had betrayed them. He thought not.

Dean obviously hadn't said anything to them though he and Dean hadn't talked either. Not for lack of trying on the teen's part. This last week since the incident Castiel had divided his time between drinking and cowardly avoiding the teen, even as he stood knocking on his door. He simply didn't trust himself in Dean's company. Nora's call had been a blessing.

Now, as he stood checking his packing one last time he could only think how he hated himself. He was a coward, a pedophile and a traitor. He shouldn't be accepting a high-paying job in LA, he should hang himself.

He sighed and stared up at the ceiling. He was too much of a coward for that too.

Suddenly he heard keys in the lock and turned around, not in the least surprised to see Dean enter and shut the door. In fact, he had been surprised the teen hadn't swiped his parents' key earlier.

Dean took in the baggage and then turned his angry stare to Castiel, who cringed only slightly.

"So it's true?" he asked, anger evident and Castiel nodded. "You're leavening?" he stepped closer and Castiel braced himself against the kitchen counter but didn't otherwise move. "Why?"

"You know why." Castiel whispered. "It was not right, what I did to you."

"What you did?" Dean's features darkened. "What we did, Cas?" he hissed and Castiel wondered helplessly when he had stopped being Uncle Cas and become this appalling version of Cas that Dean was calling out to.

"Don't say that, I'm the adult here, I'm in the wrong."

"And you respond by running away?!" Dean kicked one of his suitcases and it toppled to the floor, probably hurting the teen more. "You said you were sorry for running before and now you're doing it again? Fuck you!"

"Language." He whispered, more out of habit but it made Dean calm down just the same.

He stepped closer and Castiel pressed his lips together in a thin line.

"Cas." He said, softly now. "I want you, I need you, you can't leave me now." He reached out and lightly gripped Castiel's shirt sleeve. "I know what I felt, you want me too."

And wasn't that the real issue here? When had Dean replaced John? Could it even have happened? Dean was still a child. Castiel closed his eyes for the briefest moment, collecting himself and not at all inhaling Dean's intoxicating smell, so much like his father's and yet so different. So much... better.

"I can't Dean." He all but whispered but he knew the teen had heard him. "I've watched you grow up." He opened his eyes and met Dean's piercing green ones. "I loved your father, it wouldn't be fair... I just can't, Dean." His voice had gone lower and by the end it was barely a breath but he knew Dean heard. The teen's crestfallen expression said it all. It looked like Castiel had struck him and maybe he had, Gods knew he felt physically ill himself.

He swallowed. "Please forgive me?" He asked, knowing full well he didn't deserve it, and pushed past Dean to pick up his bags and leave, leaving Dean alone in his apartment.