Trying to call home, Still stuck in that time

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Part 1: Trying to call home

Castiel sipped coffee as he walked around in his apartment, checking to see how the place had fared without him. Better, he decided distractedly as he noticed the decidedly alive flowers that now adorned his windows. Mary has been a busy little bee, he thought fondly and nipped a fat leafed monstrosity between the tips of his fingers. It had beautiful flowers but no smell. Still, his apartment smelled much better than he had thought it would and he had realized that it had been put to use the moment he had stepped through the door. When he had asked John, his friend had admitted to him and Mary borrowing it. Sam had apparently been allowed to use it for a sleep-over once in a while as well and Castiel didn't know why but the thought that Mary and John thought their youngest would be safe enough in his apartment made Castiel's chest warm with pride.

Castiel didn't ask if Dean had been there too but he had found evidence of the teen as well. The fact that John didn't mention him made Castile think that maybe Dean had been there without his parents' knowledge. It felt strange and oddly thrilling and Castiel was angry with himself because of that feeling. The whole point of him spending time away was to get rid of the feelings and he had supposed he had managed to do just that. But he also hadn't talked to Dean in nearly two years and it was making him uneasy and sad, quite frankly.

He and John had talked a lot. Mary had called and even Sam had taken time from his busy schedule to tell his Uncle Cas all about his soccer team, his — not — girlfriend Ruby and his latest test scores, high as usual. Castiel had been so proud of the boy. And at the same time shamed that all he wanted to do was ask how Dean was doing. What was going on with Dean? Why hadn't Dean called? Mary had said once that Dean missed him just as much as the rest of the Winchesters but he hadn't dared to ask more.

He had missed them all terribly and even though they — at least the adults — completely understood that he had to prioritize his work none of them understood why that had to have meant that he missed out on birthdays and Christmases. He had no good excuses. Not for them.

He had wanted to stay away long enough for Dean and him to cool down so that they could have a calm discussion about what had happened. He had even worked out a whole speech and then chickened out in the last moment and prolonged his visit almost half a year before Nora had told him that she needed him back in Lawrence if he wasn't planning on staying in LA, in which case she would have to find a replacement for him. It had been the kick in the ass he had needed and he had uprooted his little life in LA and been back on a plane to Lawrence before the week was up.

John had been thrilled when he had called and if Castiel had had any reservations about telling the Winchesters he completely forgot about them when he heard John's fond tone. And now, to come home and find his place so cleaned and welcoming, he certainly didn't regret telling them. Mary had been so happy she was fixing him dinner tonight. Had it been anyone else Castiel would have said no. He was barely through the door and he would honestly love to just sit down on his couch but he could never say no to the Winchesters. It was his biggest flaw.

He leafed through the mail he had gotten the last week. He had never bothered to change his address to LA, opting instead to have John and Mary send it to him, yet another sign that he was returning he guessed, and he had told them not to do it this week since he would be coming back anyway.

There was not much there though. A bill, some flyers and a post card from Balthazar, living it up on the east coast. Balthazar had moved not long after Castiel had left but they still kept in touch and Castiel supposed that was good. A part of him would have liked Balthazar around, his cock alone could work wonders on Castiel's mood, but on the other hand he realized it was good Balthazar had moved away. His presence was a more effective coping mechanism than drugs but just as addictive and potentially dangerous.

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