Final Girls Guide to Surviving Horror Movies

Chapter 7: So Bad its Good Horror Movies, aka B-List Movies

So you are not in a conventional horror movie with slasher, and popular stars who are definitely not teens, but instead have a fakey looking puppet that you have to defeat, or you can't follow a story, or it is trying too hard to be referential to other Horror movies, here is how to survive those, or as I call it having fun.

1. Don't take things too Serious

The acting may be trying serious, but the low budget is showing. Know that these people did take it seriously and so it is okay not to. You might be facing a gingerbread man as your villain, or a killer turkey, or killer clowns from outer space. They are weird premises, and the people they have in these movies are most likely either new actors, friends, family, crew, or even just the directors themselves acting. Once you just have fun and embrace the weird the better off you will be.

2. Find your own fun

With movies like these, it is important to find your own fun, the premise might be about killer doughnuts, and so you can have in on the fun by saying a shitty pun, or having a weird one-liner. Half of the hilarity of the movies is the fun and questioning of what you just saw with your friends. If you're watching it at home you can talk through the movie, or make it into a game or talk about the line delivery. You could ask all the questions like why are they playing with water balloons on a roof, or hey isn't the power suppose to be off, how is that fanon?

3. Follow the basic rules if you know you are in a horror movie

Just because it's a bad horror movie with little to no budget doesn't mean that it isn't in fact a horror movie. With movies like these, they tend to make it a point to follow the guidelines and tropes and be so referential to themselves or other horror movies. These movies will still have the basics, kills, a backstory, and a villain. They will have all of that and will often follow in others' footsteps. The effects and gore might be a little too fake, but a kill is still a kill, even though it may be from being cocooned in cotton candy.

4. Don't take the side plot too seriously

All movies, but especially horror movies have some sort of side plot that is there to add to the main plot. In these horror movies, they tend to not be consistent, or are just dropped, or are there to have some sort of foreshadowing. An example of this I take from the Movie Gingerdead Man, it is an actual movie, look it up, or be prepared for spoilers. In this movie a guy murders a father and son in a diner and through stupid events that don't make sense, he becomes a killer cookie. The side plot they mention is that one of the bakers loves wrestling and he comes out of the blue later as a wrestler, but after he takes a bite out of crime they say nothing at all about it. It is weird as fuck, and no one even questioned a guy in shiny shorts and a blue bodysuit.

5. Know that all the characters are stupid

For the reason of serious and not the characters and inconsistencies make the characters usually stupid. Going back to the Gingerdead Man movies, in the first one the power is supposed to have gone out, yet they still have lights, the oven still works, a fan still works, and yet cell phones don't work. Not only that no one at any point in the movie thinks hey let's call the police or an ambulance. It may be because of the script inconsistencies or whatever, but no one thinks. Another example is in the second Gingerdead Man movie, they made three of them. They are supposed to be tied down to a table, yet the one guy can move his hand in and out of the obvious flimsy chain. They could have very easily escaped, but they don't.

6. Have your opinions

It is okay not to like or have fun with these movies, and you can be honest, but do know that someone wanted to do this and this may have eventually helped them become a better artist, director, etc. Everyone has got to start out somewhere, and hey maybe it's just this premise that you don't like, but remember there is a reason why it is a B list and not an A list movie.

7. Ratings can be deceiving

Just because it is meant to be a movie about a very silly premise like a childhood toy killing your coworkers, or killer clowns from Outerspace doesn't mean it will automatically be bad. Movie audiences will tend to find interest in any premise even if the plot is absurd, some of the best movies can be absurd, yet have an amazing cult following. If not at the time of the movie release, then later with die-hard fans knowing each creature's name and origin story, or wearing fishnets and glittery lipstick like their a Sweet Transvesite, from Transexual Transylvania. 

Either way, the whole point of these Jems is to have fun, and of course, survive. Though in a movie where you have to fight killer cult animatronics with no line of dialogue, might as well have some fun. And play a game of pinball in between montages.

Just remember to follow the similar rules of regular horror, and don't roll your eyes too hard at the very obvious horror references sprinkled through the movie. Well until next time, have fun, and next chapter we will talk about Holidays and special days, and how not to become a splatter pattern.