Feelings

VII.XXV.MMXXI

I feel empty.
I feel like a broken mirror
A broken mirror that holds lifeless eyes of the girl who no longer loved what was in the mirror
I feel like I'm swimming up to breathe but am constantly being pushed down

Is all I am nudes?
Is that really all I have to offer?
Is it really all boys want?
Will I never get that love that I once dreamed about?
Am I just another object?

I'm numbing myself more and more
That which I loved is now what I despise most
Why was I told "I love you" when it was never meant for me?
I will never, and I mean never be able to be loved the way I'd like to be

So I've given up
Ive given up on myself, those around me, my passion, my dream, and most importantly love.
Gosh I hate that word, love
The love that was painted in every movie
It was all a lie
Everything is. Everything will continue to be a lie for me

The marks on my face of irritation.
Those marks aren't makeup.
It's all another lie I give..
The marks of irritation are because of the tears I cry every night.
I feel like I'm being ripped apart little by little
Like my emotions aren't valid

Almost like I'm not valid, almost? No..
I'm just not enough, not the body, not the looks or personality.
Ive never and will never be enough.
Not even for my fucking family.
So much for "family will always a have your back."
My ass.

Little by little I'll disappear, life doesn't hit different anymore.
I pray to die, how wicked is that?
I mean I don't have the balls to do it myself
I never have.

One day I'll just be another statistic
Insane how we live to work our asses off
How we work for a degree that is locked in a file cabinet
How we don't ever take a moment to pause and wonder what the hell is going on?

Our purpose is stupid.
I heard somewhere that once your purpose is accomplished, you die...
Can someone just take my life? I could care less about purpose
I just don't want to be here anymore.