After H&M (gxg)

Dear Future Soulmate

Hi there,

This is my first letter to you. Wow, where do I begin? There's so much to say. And I don't want to bore you with petty stuff or unnecesary things. Let's just start how I got here, eh? Well, I read this story on wattpad and the main character wrote letters to his 'future lover'. And since I am how I am right now, I thought, why not? Writing is therapeutic for me and besides, this will make a good memory, for both of us.

Dear Future Solumate,

(If you even exist), I... I don't know what to believe in anymore. I am now broken. Even just writing this to you makes my eyes watery. 

Yesterday, I confessed to a friend that I kinda like her but I know it wasn't mutual. Seeing that we talked about how hurt we are because of previous relationships, loves and crushes, we both agree now is the worst time for us to get into relationships; either with one another or with anyone else. So, when I told her I like her, I knew what her answer would be, but still, I still felt hurt. But, she was great enough to respect that I needed time to move on from this crush that I have for her so that we could return to being friends. She really is a great friend and I wouldn't want to throw away that friendship. Only thing was, I guess I should be more discreet about my forbidden desires. If you really are my soulmate, you would have known by now that I realised I like to be treated as a princess, eventhough I won't admit it to my close friends. There's only 3 persons in this whole wide world know about this now and if we count you (by the time you're reading this), then it would be 4 instead. But, if you didn't know that, I am sorry for not telling you. I just... I guess I would be terrified to tell people this (even those closest to me) because I don't want them to call me a princess or treat me like one when they don't mean it. Sure, they would mean it playfully or because they are just being friendly, but I want to be treated like a princess by my one true soulmate. I'm weird like that.

Anyways, where are you? 

I hope, wherever you are, you are safe, happy and healthy. Sometimes, I wonder why won't you just pop into my life to make all this pain disappear. But, I know that actually, I need to heal myself first, need to be ready before I meet you. Otherwise, I would have lost you. And I don't want that. But, this pain is unbearable. I need you. I crave for your hugs. And your lips touching my forehead. I want to feel safe in your arms when I sleep at night. Whenever I have problems, I want to come home to hug your back and hide my face on your shirt while draping my arms all over your lovely waist. 

But I don't know if I deserve that. 

Because lately I've only been hurting people. And I am hurt in return. Karma. Hey you, do you know I already have a name for our daughter? It starts with the letter N. :) I'll tell you when you ask me to marry you. Yes, I want you to propose because I want to feel like a princess on that day. :p And I promise you, if you let me your princess, you'll be my Queen. And I would do everything in my power to keep you safe. Well, maybe not physically safe since God knows how weak I am considering my hobbit-size figure. But, I'll do anything to make your tears go away. I'll do everything to make sure you know that you're the only person that I want and love and crave for ever since I was a child. And whenever you get insecure, I'll tell you I love you just the way you are and do anything to make you believe every word that I say. Because if you know me like how I know me, you would know I don't like to say things I don't mean. 

I love you. I know that at this point, I don't even know how you look like, or how are you as a person or what is your name. But I love you. The song is right,

"I have died everyday waiting for you. Darling don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more." 

Ever since I was a kid, ever since I understand about the existence of 'that special someone', ever since I learned the term of 'soulmate', I've been waiting to meet you and find you. You see, I'm the last child in my family and last childs always love to be spoiled. But, my family is not affectionate eventhough I very much wanted to be with them. I tried but I was shut down and teased about ever since I was small. So, I never did again. I guess that's why I was so estranged to hugs and kisses until few years ago. But with you, and our daughter, our family, I want to be as affectionate as I can. As loving as I can. I'll stop when you grow tired of it (though I hope you won't :( ). I love you, with all my heart. I know logic would argue and give me millions of logical explanations to why I couldn't love a person when I haven't met them or known them, but I know my heart well. As a senior of mine said, "Your heart is your biggest strength and flaw." I've already loved our daughter, N. And now I'm loving you too. Let me love you because all I need now is love. Eventhough I can't feel or witness your love for me just yet, let my heart to bathe in this emotional drive of loving you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. Thank you for giving me hope. I love you.

Hehe. Sorry. Can't get enough of saying it. I love you. I will definitely write more to you. When I find you, I'll be sure to write you at least once a week or once a month (depending on my busy schedule). Hehe. I love you. Take care

Yours whole-heartedly,

TA