I Mean This More Than Words Could Ever Say (Gerard Way x Reader)

(Chapter 16) Disenchanted

TW: Self-harm, blood

I lied in bed for the second day in a row. I had been too heartbroken and hurt to leave the bed. I trusted him so much, he was the first person I opened up to about my father and my self-harm; he meant the world to me and apparently, I didn't to him. I ignored all of the phone calls and texts. I've just been so disenchanted with what we had. 

As I lie here, I can hear the soft pitter-patter of rain hitting my window. It's like the weather is connected to my feelings. Like a mood ring of sorts. I've been struggling with the thoughts intruding my mind. The familiar urge to pick up a blade once again. Today it's been much worse.

I stood up and walked over to the bathroom. I reached the vanity and opened the drawer. Way in the back of it was a blade. I had thrown out most of them in an attempt to quit this habit, but I kept one just in case. 

I held it up, the light ricochetting off of it. I rolled up the sleeve of my hoodie and dragged it across, making some deep cuts along my arm. Some tears spilled from my eyes, clouding my vision. Look at how pathetic you are, crying over something that wouldn't ever amount to anything. He never cared about you and you were so invested in him. Stupid girl. The voices said as blood flowed down, seeping into the white floor mat. I turned my attention to my thighs, leaving more wounds.

Suddenly, I heard a loud knocking on the front door. "Y/n we need to talk!" I heard the voice of Gerard faintly. My vision became splotchy and I tried to move to lock the door in case Gerard gets in here somehow. My attempt came up unsuccessful. I stumbled onto the floor, passing out.

~Gerard's POV~

I had come to Y/n's house to hopefully talk to her and work things out. I stepped up to the front door and knocked. "Y/n we need to talk!" I called loudly, hoping she could hear me from her room. I waited a minute, but nobody came to answer the door. I knocked again, still no answer. I started to get even more worried than I already am. What if she did something to herself? 

I made my mind. I walked over to the tree that led up to her window. The tree was slick from the rain. But I have to get up there. 

I started to scale the tree. I grabbed onto a branch and slipped a little, but quickly catching myself before I could fall. I made it up the rest of the way and I heard some thunder as I opened the already unlocked window. I climbed through the window, landing poised on my feet like an agile cat.  

I looked around her room and there was no sign of her. I went out to search the rest of the house. I found the bathroom door opened to see a sight I hoped I wouldn't. There was a passed-out Y/n lying on the floor, her arm and thighs littered with bleeding cuts. My horrible suspicions being confirmed.

I rushed to her side, tears filling my eyes. I made her feel that terrible. I made her do this to herself. I should have done something sooner. This is all my fault. I thought to myself as I examined her. I didn't know shit about first aid, so I thought it would be good to get her to a hospital.  

 I wrapped towels around her to help stop the bleeding before picking her up and walking her to my car (Yes I walked through the front door and not out the window). Opening the passenger door and putting her in the seat, I made sure to buckle her seatbelt before hastily hopping in the driver's seat and speeding to the hospital. 

Upon arrival, I carried her in and talked to the receptionist. "Hello, how can I help you today?" She asked, with a calm voice.

"My girlfriend is bleeding really badly and she passed out. I didn't know what to do." I responded frantically, glancing down to check on Y/n in my arms. 

"Ok sir, we'll have her tended to momentarily. What's her full name?" She said typing something into her computer. 

"Y/n L/n," I replied.

"What's your name, sir?" 

"Gerard Way."

"Alright if you'll have a seat while you wait." She said as I turned to sit down. A couple of tears escaped and I tried to keep myself composed. A minute or so later a doctor took her back to get assessed. 

I sat there in the waiting room, bouncing my knee anxiously as the obnoxious clock on the wall tik toked away. I ran my hands through my raven hair in thought. My mind was racing with concerned and stressed thoughts about Y/n. I needed to vocalize my thoughts. I thought that maybe talking would calm me down a bit, so I picked up my phone and called Frank. 

"Hey Geebear what's up?" Frank answered cheerfully. 

"I'm at the h-hospital. Y/n hurt herself and I just didn't know what to do." I sniffled. 

"Oh, shit! Is she ok?" He realized the reason I called. Now Frank is childish and silly in most circumstances but in serious ones, he can read the room pretty well. 

"I don't know they took her back like twenty minutes ago and I haven't heard anything." I explained

"Do you want to talk or for me to come over there?" He offered. 

"No, I just needed to talk. The just silently waiting with my own thoughts was getting to me you know? I really blame myself and between that and the worry I have for her just created a situation where I need to talk to calm myself down. I really care a-about her Frankie" I mumbled the last bit through some tears. 

"I know you do, Gee. She's gonna be ok. I'm here for you and if you change your mind I'm like fifteen minutes from there so just give me a call." he sympathized.

"Ok, can you just stay on the line for a bit?" I asked.

"Of course" 

~Small time skip~

It's been about three hours of waiting and sadly Frank had to hang up, so I've been waiting alone. I looked at the clock and it's 8:09. I need some coffee or something. I lent my head back and closed my eyes for a second, but just as I was drifting off a door squeaked open. I opened my eyes and there stood a doctor in front of me. 

"Mr. Way, she's awake."

A/N: I was about halfway through writing this and I realized I didn't know how tf hospitals work cause I've never broken a bone or anything. So sorry if it was depicted inaccurately. Anyways, have a lovely day rats  -Sav