Love hurts

Here's to you.

It's bittersweet our story. Friends at first, then lovers, and now strangers. I miss you at times. The times when my family is over and they ask of you. Our trips we always dreamed of taking. Our plans for the future or spur of the moment decisions. There's this part of me that would love to do it all again with you. The cuddles, the laughter, the guitar playing, the video games, and the paint-balling. The trips to Walmart, target, our favorite bakery, and Bahama bucks at midnight. It's not your fault that I am the way I am. It's not your fault that I let all these insecurities and constant overthinking get the best of me. It never was. I know you loved me in ways that I could barely wrap my head around. The question is, how or why did it stop? I can't let go of you. I've tried and it's like you're wired in everything that I do and every decision I make. I want to take that leap. I want to tell you that I'm here and I still love you. I don't know what goes on in that head of yours. I know that you've changed but not in the way I pictured. I want you to get better. I've always wanted that for you. Yes, you've always been smart and I've somewhat been intimidated by it. Your charm, your wit, your intellect, your humor, and just you. Intimidated but intrigued by you. I know you are destined for great things and I've always told you that.

I'm scared that I don't know you anymore or maybe I never did know you. This you, the you that you are right now, is not what I pictured. Please get better. Please get help if you need it. I'm always here and I've always been here. I'm not going anywhere and I'm not just going to leave you without a life jacket to drown or perish into the sea. I care.