Lily's Playlist

Track 20: Love and War

Love and War by Tamar Braxton

"I'm the one who told him he had feelings for you. He always denied it but I knew. And I fucked up and caught feelings for him anyway." Sammy sniffed.

It was the first thing she said to me. I held her as she cried; I'd never seen her cry like this. I've seen tears of frustration, anger, and beer tears, but never tears of a broken heart. It made me cry with her. She explained the sordid tale to me. Back when we were working at Dave and Buster's together, Sammy teased Trevor saying that the reason none of his relationships lasted was that the girls he dated weren't me. Trevor not only denied it but said he could prove he didn't like me like that by sleeping with her. He said I was too loyal to ever want anything to do with him if he and Sammy slept together. What better way for him to prove he had no feelings for me than to kill his chances by sleeping with one of my close friends?

They slept together and Sammy developed feelings for him around the same time I started sleeping with Ethan. When Sammy saw how bothered Trevor was that I wasn't hanging out with them as often, she purposely let it slip to Trevor that I was sleeping with Ethan. He refused to believe it at first until Sammy went into details about Ethan's and my secret "fuck buddy" arrangement. Trevor flipped out, called her a slut, and kicked her out of his apartment. I was blissfully unaware of everything that transpired between them when they broke up. I couldn't believe she told Trevor about Ethan. I always thought it was bad fucking luck that Trevor showed up at my house that day. A part of me was upset, but I let it go. Especially after knowing the depth of feelings she had for Trevor and how he treated her.

"After I told him I had feelings for him, he told me he loved you. That you were it for him." Sammy finished, sniffling.

Fuck. My head hurt. This was more fucking complicated than I thought. Part of me wished it was about Jake- I didn't know how to fix this.

"Do you have feelings for Trevor?" She asked, softly.

"I used to. I felt the same way. That we were meant to be together." I started. She shrank into herself. "But since I met Jake, I know it was just a crush. Trevor makes me feel comfortable, but Jake makes me feel... everything. Jake knows me better than anyone now. I only want to be with him." I explained.

"I didn't know it was that serious between you two." Sammy said to the floor.

"Yeah, I mean, I asked him to be my boyfriend. He wants to slow down and date first, but it doesn't change how I feel about him." I confessed. "Maybe I am insecure because he's been with my roommate."

"I'm sorry for the things I said about him. I don't know him, so I can't judge." Sammy finally looked up at me. "Maybe we should make them off limits. Trevor for you. Jake for me."

"Does it count if you've already been with mine?".

"You've never been with Trevor? Not even a kiss?" Sammy looked surprised.

I shook my head. "Never. Nothing. "

Sammy sighed. "Well, effective right now, they're off limits."

"Do we shake on it?" I grinned.

"How bout drink to it?"

"Works for me." I got up and grabbed a couple of beers, tequila, and shot glasses.

I sat cross-legged on the ground across from her and poured us shots.

"So what happened Friday night with y'all?" I asked.

She drank her shot. "A stupid mistake. He came over, he wanted to talk to you. I rubbed it in his face that you were out with Jake. He rubbed it in my face that I couldn't keep a boyfriend. We ended up drinking and fucking, but you walked in on that part. It didn't mean anything." Sammy explained, chasing the shot with her beer.