Pins and Needles

Chapter 21

I dropped Maeve off at her house and decided to drive home instead of walk. I knew Maeve would understand why I took her car; her and my house were a good distance apart, a non-walking distance.

I pulled into my driveway and went inside, anticipating the soft cushion of my bed to lull me to sleep. Unfortunately, I was halted the second I stepped foot through the door. Mom did not look happy at my late arrival and seeing as we hadn't really spoken since Dad's funeral, I was sure she had more to discuss than my night out.

"Where have you been? I told you to be home an hour ago," she berated.

Not feeling like having that talk right then, I responded as vaguely as possible, "Sorry, I got caught up with some stuff. Night."

I could barely make a single move before Mom exploded, "What is with the attitude?! You have been acting like this for the past couple days, Angelica, and I'm sick and tired of it! Tell me what's wrong or so help me!"

"It's none of your business!" I screamed, then stormed off to my room.

"Do you feel guilty?"

I stopped. What is she on about now?

"You haven't been the same since the funeral, and by the way you were acting when we were there, I could tell something was wrong. Do you think it's your fault?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" I challenged.

"I know I said that stuff about him being depressed, so I think you might've taken it to heart."

"You really think I would feel bad for that excuse of a father? No, that's preposterous. From what I'm hearing, though, you sound more guilty than me. Why are you trying to project your insecurities onto me? I don't think his death was my fault and I never will."

Mom's lip quivered and she suddenly broke out into a wild sob, "You're right, you're so right, Angelica. I do think it was my fault, his sadness, his death, all of it. He expressed many symptoms of depression, but what did I do? NOTHING! I didn't do a single thing to help him. He wasn't only sad because of you, but also because of the military itself and its impact on his life. He opened up to me about this and all I did was listen! I didn't ask if he wanted professional help or even just a shoulder to cry on. No, I was too busy with work and worrying about if he was cheating on me! He went out a lot, you know that. So, how couldn't I think something was going on? But, no, he was as faithful as a Catholic priest is to God himself. Not once did he ever go behind my back, but I was so blinded by my lack of trust that I pushed him away. I practically begged him to cheat so I could justify my paranoia. I messed up badly, Angelica, so it is my fault that Jack won't be able to rest easily. He left this Earth wishing to die, and that tragic wish was granted with my name being a headline in it's cause."

I was shaken to a standpoint as Mom spewed her guilty conscience. I had no idea she felt this bad about Dad, I thought it was just a small weight. I was glad, on the other hand, that she wouldn't be shaming me anymore, I just had to get through this trauma dump.

"It's okay, Mom, you're going to be okay. Dad is gone, we can't do anything about it now, so it's best to just forget about it."

She rushed to me and cried into my chest. Consoling people was definitely not my forte, but I would say this was a success.

After Mom finished her weeping, she gave me a tight hug and sent me to bed. I hoped that that was enough to get us on better terms.

I stopped walking once I got to my room and glanced in the direction of my mirror. Since that day seemed to be the day of resolving conflict, one more couldn't hurt. The girl and I hadn't exactly fought, but things were weird between us after the rage incident. I sat criss cross in front of the mirror and asked her if I could speak.

She looked at me wearily, so I took it as a yes and started, "I don't want you to pity me. That night, you looked haggard and messed up and yet, you saw me as the disheveled one. I know you aren't going to tell me what happened, which is fine, but I don't understand why you were looking at me like that. Was it because my dad died? Did you overhear me and Mom talking? If so, there's nothing to worry about there because I'm not sad about it."

The girl yet again didn't say anything, just held a guarded expression.

I gave up, calling that case adjourned and moving on to more pressing matters, "I found out some stuff tonight that might help us achieve Christmas with less difficulty than before. You know that Clark has always been on my hit list, but as of a few weeks ago, so is Dean. This really screwed things up because now there are two potential subjects that could influence the outcome of Christmas. Although, after what Dean said earlier, he might just be my saving grace. I have an idea, it's messy and there are a lot of components that could go wrong, but if pulled off correctly, we're in the clear. All we need is a motive, and I'm sure that will come with time from the way Clark was acting tonight."

The girl seemed just as excited as me which put me in a better mood than before.

"Right! Well I have a busy week ahead of me, so I'm gonna get some shut eye," I began to get up, but stopped and faced her once again. "Uhm... are we cool?"

She eyed me suspectantly, but still choked out a small 'yes'.

I beamed, nodding at her and wishing her a goodnight. I jumped up, but put a little too much pressure on my left leg and resurfaced the splitting pain.

I sat back with a wince and sighed, "Guess I'll be staying up late tonight."

Before preparing the materials, I stretched my head to see the calendar and noticed the date.

Two weeks, I could do it.