Ateez Imagines

Toxic Thoughts~Yunho

    Being a college student is exhausting, I thought it would’ve been fun. The parties I’d go to and the friends I’d make, heh what a joke. I’ve gone to zero parties, the only friend I have is the one from high school, who’s also my roommate and boyfriend who is never home, instead he’s off with his friends. While I’m just sitting at my desk having to study for my finals, and doing the essays that are due this week. My neck, hurting from hunching over to write everything down so that I can later type it, I looked up from my pad of paper and looked out my window, the rain gently rolling down the glass. Even though it was cloudy and raining I still thought it was beautiful, the song playing in my headphones fitting the scene perfectly as the toxic thoughts coursed through my head, my depression sinking in.

    I groaned, grabbing my iced coffee “of course it’s empty”, I knew I should’ve got the 36 ounce one. I took my phone out clicking on my contacts till I found ‘Puppy’ as I pressed the phone icon I placed my phone up to my ear. It had only rang twice before he picked up “Hello?” “Hey love, how much do you love me?” I heard a chuckle from the other side. “What do you need?” “An iced caramel macchiato please. I’d get it myself but I got studying to do.” “Why don’t you just take a break? Lately you haven’t slept. Just surviving off coffee, and donuts. Which I had to force you to eat,” “If I don’t pass finals I get kicked out of college and I won’t be able to be a vet” I huff “okay strawberry, I’ll be home in a bit with your coffee.” “Thank you handsome, I love you” “Love you too y/n” I hung up the call, my heart fluttering.
    We met in my first year of high school, I was new and had no idea where anything was. I had bumped into him and fallen, immediately apologizing. When I looked up I turned red, he had such a sweet smile and kind eyes his hand was held out to help me up. After he helped me he showed me around school and invited me to eat with him at lunch, after that we were basically inseparable. When we came to college, he made friends and started going to parties, but I didn’t mind. 
I was lost in thought till my eyes were covered by someone’s hands “guess who” I smiled, it was Yunho “hmmm Hongjoong?” “Nope, try again” “Seonghwa” I heard I huff behind me “no” I giggled, he was getting irritated “Oh I know, Mingi.”as soon as the words left my mouth the hands had moved and I was dragged from my desk and spun around. Yunho was now leaning down only centimeters from my face and his arms holding the chair on both sides of my head “really now? I bring you coffee and you decide to play games with me” I could feel the heat spreading on my cheeks, his breath was fanning my face and the scent of cinnamon present. I hadn’t noticed I was staring at his lips till I saw them form a smirk “my eyes are up here sweetheart” I looked up at his chocolate eyes losing myself in them, I smirked “I know, I just noticed the chocolate on the corner of your mouth is all.” Yunho shot up and started wiping his mouth with his hand causing me to laugh. He looked down at me with his puppy eyes. “did I get it?” “no, it’s still there. Here lean down and I’ll get it” I said as I stood from my desk chair.When he leaned down I pecked his lips “there you go. Did you have a pastry while at the coffee shop?” “Yep, and hot chocolate” he giggled making my heart melt. When he stood up I was stuck facing his chest forcing me to look up at him. “Did I get any pastries?” I swear looking up at him made me feel like a child “yes you have a chocolate eclair with sprinkles.” I smiled and started to slightly bounce, a habit I’ve always done when I was excited. “It's in the kitchen on the counter” Yunho said as I started running to our little kitchen hearing laughter behind me.
    Once I reached the kitchen I opened the brown bag and grabbed the donut inside immediately taking a bite, closing my eyes enjoying the taste of it. “How do you have so much energy, you haven’t slept for days.” “Caffeine” I smiled at him opening my eyes to look at him, my smile faded, his face was twisted with concern “I’ll get some sleep soon, I just have stuff to do” “Y/n I’m worried about you. You’re my best friend and girlfriend, I can’t lose you. You’re going to work yourself to death, there’s a reason why people sleep.” I looked down at my feet, I know he’s right but I can’t fail these classes or my parents would be disappointed “if I don’t pass I’ll get kicked out and have to move back in with my parents and just be mentally drained all over again. I have to be a vet and make them proud.” “That’s their dream for you, it’s not yours. Stop spending your life trying to please everybody all the time. You matter too” “no I don’t, I don’t care about what happens to me, as long as everybody is happy everything will be fine.” ‘Of course you matter y/n. You’re the best person ever, nothing can explain how much I care about you. You kept me from doing stupid things the best you could. I miss all the times we walked down the halls in school not caring about anything around us. All the times we dyed our hair to match one another. I miss the times we had marathons every weekend as we made forts in my living room as my parents were out. When we stayed up all night just looking at the stars on your roof to ignore the yelling inside. How my parents shipped us together because our friendship came off as a relationship. Our midnight trips to the gas station just to buy snacks and energy drinks. I still remember the day we met, you were new and had no idea where anything was. I had bumped into you and you fell, immediately apologizing as I held my hand out to you to help. I showed you around, inviting you to eat lunch with me, ever since we were inseparable. I remember the days I had picked you up from the park and took you to my house as I tried to cheer you up, taking your mind off the things that happened with your parents. You were there when others had left, when they were preoccupied with their girlfriends. Even when I had a girlfriend you still stayed with me, even though she threatened you. And for some reason you left everything you ever knew; your family, and your home, just to come live with me. You are the most perfect person I’ve ever met and I love you for it. Your personality is beautiful. The way your nose crinkles when you laugh, the way you puff your cheeks when you’re thinking. The slight pout you have when you’re eating, the way your eyes light up when you’re talking about something you love, the way you will perk up when I pat your head. Or the fact you start to fall asleep when I play with your hair. But it hurts seeing you like this, don’t think I didn’t notice the anti depressants that sit on your desk that you try to hide or the bandages. I thought you would come and talk to me like you used to in high school, back then when your thoughts got worse you would talk to me instead of throwing yourself into school and studying. I might hang with my friends but you come first, you will always come first, so quit leaving me in the dark and talk to me, please.”
I looked at him with tears in my eyes, his voice had begun to break as he had tears rolling down his eyes. I felt bad, I had made him feel useless. I walked up to him and cupped his cheeks wiping away his tears with my thumbs “I’m sorry I left you in the dark” “no I’m sorry for leaving you alone” my tears were rolling down my cheeks. I put my arms around his waist as my face was buried into his yellow sweatshirt. His arms had engulfed me as he rested his head on mine causing my hair to get wet with his tears, I didn’t care, all I wanted was to stay here. I felt safe in his arms like nothing could hurt me, his scent making me calm, I didn’t want to let go. We stayed like that for awhile “please stay here with me” I mumbled into his sweatshirt “I’m not going anywhere” he replied with a kiss on the top of my head “do you want to cuddle and watch a movie?” I nodded, I went to leave his embrace only to be picked up causing my arms to go around his neck and my legs around his waist, I watched the kitchen disappear as we made it to my room. I was set down on the bed as Yunho went and turned on a movie. I just stayed on the bed watching his movements. When he stood up, he made his way back over to me, picking me up bridal style to move the blanket to set me down again. He had laid by me and covered us with the blanket. I immediately scooted closer to him resting my head on his chest as his arms went around me. The drowsiness kicked in as my eyelids started to feel heavy. Yunho had moved his hand and ran it through my hair adding to my comfort, I closed my eyes, losing consciousness. I felt a kiss on my forehead “I love you angel, never forget that” I mumbled an ‘I love you too puppy’ as I finally fell asleep. Studying can wait, the essays are only extra credit and I don’t need them so it’s ok.