ᴀᴘʜʀᴏᴅɪᴛᴇ // $ᴜɪᴄɪᴅᴇʙᴏʏ$

Prologue

What I wanted, more than anything, was a heartbeat.

I didn't think anyone could understand. I didn't think anyone really knew what it was like not to have one, although I wasn't quite sure. We wanted what we didn't have. We reached for the unreachable. Every human being had one. So how could anyone desire it?

Most people took it for granted. Most people didn't even feel or were aware of that soft thump that was as everyday an occurrence as waking up in the morning. It was almost nothing, something that should happen simply because that was how a human body worked. They didn't understand how important it was. They couldn't comprehend that there was nothing, absolutely nothing, keeping a heart beating. The body was made to heal itself, but was a body really able to function by itself? A mystery. How precious it was to have. And it was my dream.

It was silly, really. Not enough people placed their hand on their chest and felt the gentle pound. Felt it, and appreciated it. Only when the beat was threatened did people see their lives flash before their eyes and wish they had done things a little differently. The heart was about to stop, and a man could think about that special woman he never got to kiss. A mother could think of a million things she wished she'd said to her child. A baby could think of the life they never got the chance to live. Lost loves, lost desires, forgotten dreams. It all came back right before that final beat. And then there was nothing but silence. A silent heart.

I wish I could have had a heartbeat if only to feel it stop.

My heart had stopped once. Maybe not literally, but the impact was just as great as reality. Before I met him. My heart stopped the first moment I saw his face. Later I could watch him sleep and wonder when he would look at my face and feel my life running through his own veins. I watched him now. I wanted to feel his heart. So taken for granted. I wanted to help him.

All I wanted was a heartbeat.

But right now, I didn't have one.

I thought one of the things people wanted most in the world was to be on the mind of another person. But not just any person. Someone they found special. Someone who meant something to them. Maybe even, someone who meant the world. I often wondered who that very person was for some.

I didn't know anyone else, except for the two men who changed my life. And they were constantly on my mind. All I did was think about them. All I wanted was to touch them. I knew what went on in their minds, and for a while it felt like nothing but going to sleep. Just a distant voice, thoughts that repeated and repeated and repeated. They were constantly on my mind.

Maybe those two meant the world to me.

But now I felt different. Now it didn't seem like white noise anymore, the thoughts inside the mind of the ones I loved the most. The men with extraordinary heartbeats. Now I felt like I was almost glistening. I didn't know what I looked like, but it felt close to a smile.

Is that what it was like to be on someone's mind?

I didn't know if I was smiling but I was pretty sure I was. And the feeling was wonderful. They thought of me. They didn't know me, as I barely knew myself. But there I was, this little thought in their heads that would become something else entirely. It felt like glistening.

It felt like... everything.