why. || tsukiyama

End

Final chapter, I HAVE NO OTHER IDEAS FOR THIS THATS WHY- ANYWAYS TW UP AHEAD but if I say the trigger it'll give away the whole chapter so just TW if you don't like sensitive topics?? that's the best way of explaining it- ANYWAYS ENJOY AND UM GOODLUCK

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We arrived at the hospital, I'm really excited! Tsukki really loves me after all.

"Are you sure? What if it's a trap.." Why would it be a tra- what's going on out there?

As I'm looking out the window I see a bunch of doctors crowded, something happened somehow. I told Toru but he already saw.

I knocked on the window calling for a doctor but no one came. I'm scared, what if something happened to Tsukki?

"Hey hey, let's go back to my place and come back when it's not crowded, alright?" Toru just wants to walk away without knowing what's going on? Yeah, that's probably the safest I guess.

"Fine.. I hope Tsukki is okay." Toru started the car and started driving. I tried to DM Tsukki, he wasn't answering.

Tsukki, are you okay? There's a bunch of doctors crowding around the hospital and I can't get in. Please reply, I need you to be okay. I love you

Tsukki?

Tsukki please answer..

tsukki

tsukki please..

"Toru, Tsukki isn't answering my texts."

"He's probably just sleeping, don't stress so much. We're almost back at my place." Toru said, I'm still scared but I won't worry.

I'm calling the doctors, I need to know what's happening..

"What's Doc's number again? I need it." I demand, I will find out what's going on.

"Hey, no need for that. Tsukki's probably fine. Let's not get involved Yams." I guess he's right, I was really excited though.

I went into the guest room and sat on the bed, I'm shaking. I turned on the TV and watched some of Tsukki's favorite shows and started crying.

I miss him, I want him right now but he's gonna be here with me soon.. I cant wait!

I grabbed my pillow and hugged it tightly pretending it's Tsukki and that I'm with him right now, with the love of my life. My soulmate.

I hear the phone ring and I hear Toru pick it up and run to him.

"Doc? Whoa, slow down.. I'll be right there." Toru got of the phone and yelled for Iwa and grabbed my hand to get in the car, not sure what's going on..

"Toru what happened?!" I ask, multiple times but he never replied.

"Babe, what the fuck happened? Why am I going?" Iwa said in a confused angry tone, but that's how he always sounds so whatever.

"Just shut up, okay." Toru said. I'm confused, he gets a call from Doc and doesn't.. Did something happen with Tsukk.. No, it can't be.

"Is Tsukki okay? Did something happen, IS HE OKAY?" I yell and yell and Iwa tried to calm me the fuck down.

"HE KILLED HIMSELF, OKAY." Toru yelled and I stared at him as well as Iwa.

"The Doc called me and told me that he killed himself, unplugged his life support finished what he tried to do. He left a note at the office, I'm so sorry Yams.." I broke into tears.

"No. You're you're lying.. YOURE KIDDING. PLEASE.. I.. I-I.." I stared at my shoes crying on them. This can't be happening right now.

"We're here, cmon." Toru said, opened my door and grabbed my hand. Thsi can't be happening.. No.

"Oh good! Toru Oikawa! Tadashi Yamaguchi.. I'm so sorry, this is for you, son.." He handed me a letter. It says

My beloved Yams,

             You don't understand how much I    love you, but I've hurt you in ways that can never be forgiven and for that i deserve nothing. I don't deserve an amazing, sweet angel like you. I'm not taking that risk again, I'm a bad person and you out of all people should know that. So this is my note to you and only you, you're the only boy who's ever seemed to care about me. My parents threw me out once I've done a bunch of crap and they found out about the rape situation. They don't want me anymore, I don't think you would after that either. Hell, not even I would forgive myself. You're an independent guy, you can do better without my ass in your way. Be successful and live your dream you deserve it way more than me. I will never forget you but please, forget about me. Find someone better, I've never left your side even if I'm in hell or heaven. I hope this letter finds you well, don't miss me. I'm always here for you weather or not it's a tree or a bench or even your own food. I'm always here. Stay safe, I love you, Tadashi.

               Love, you're one and only
          Tsukishima Kei.

I fell to my knees clutching the dirt on the ground. Is this really happening, he was so happy to see me, why invite me just to witness him killing himself..

I got up and went into Toru's car. I scrolled through our passed messages while crying.

"I-I lo-.. love you too, Tsukishima." I say to myself. I hope he heard that, I hope he hears everything. I want him to know that I'm not giving up on him and I'll live my life until the death of me just for him. I'll live my dream, work my dream job, take huge risks in life to remind him that I'm never giving up on him. He's my life, he's a big part of it.

I can do this without him, but he never left. He's always gonna be by my back.

I look out the window and scream,

"I LOVE YOU TSUKISHIMA KEI, I WILL NEVER STOP!! IM GONNA LIVE JUST FOR YOU JUST YOU WAIT!" I feel powerful, I yell for Toru to come here and I look out the window and smile.

Although this is probably the worst day of my life, I still love today and always will love today. Today reminded me that I matter no matter who I've lost. I will keep loving for the love of my life, Tsukishima.

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that's it lol, tysm for 8k reads omg- anyways have a safe summer and don't forget to stay hydrated loves<33 PLEASE DONT CRYY

hayden<3