why. || tsukiyama

Changes - Updated

Tsukki POV

I thought I would die after getting hit by that car. Why was he drunk and DRIVING. I did lose a bit of my memory and I'm fucked up because that shit was TRAUMATIZING. I don't know how I'll act when I get out of here. I have to find something to keep my mind off of it. Fuck, I have so many ugly scars now.

MAJOR TIMESKIP
August 8th, Yams and Tsukki are 26/25 ??

Yams POV —

So many scars.. bruises, cuts. I wish Tsukki was like before, when he wasn't always drinking, and when he wasn't like this.. when he actually loved me and didnt hurt me, and when he actually wanted to hangout and care about me.

But no, he's just a drunk alcoholic, bad abusive boyfriend.. would he even care if I died? I really dont care.. This isn't some high school cringy couple shit anymore.

"YAMS I'm hOme!" Great, hes drunk again..
"Coming Tsukki!" He kissed me then threw me to the ground.
"O-ow.." I fell of a bruise, it hurt so bad but I'm a little used to it by now.

"Shut the fuck up whiny ass piece of shit."
"S-sorry.." Should I even be apologizing for this prick? Obviously.. I love him.

He started to walk and he tripped, I didn't trip him, I swear.

"DID YOU JUST FUCKING TRIP MEe?"
"N-no! I-I swear! I would never.."

"YOUuuU FUCKING LIAR! I'm gonna beeaat you until your whole boddyy goes NUMB." Tsukki yelled. (Man.. calm down will ya? Go to rehab buddy.)

"O-okay.." I started crying and I hurt my leg, so I limped to my room, sobbing my soul out. I felt nothing, I only felt fear, and of course sadness.

I still remember my favorite coaches, Sugawara and Daichi, I hope their good and okay, and well. Same with asahi, I hope he's well too. Reminding myself of good people makes me feel a little more hopeful.

Tsukki left to go somewhere, so I didn't have to get hurt yet. I cried in my pillow. I have no hope for myself. Tsukki will never stop doing this to me. I mean sometimes he loves me, when he's sober which is barely ever. Most times he hates me and wants to beat the shit out of me. Sometimes.. I dont even know, but.. I do know that I still love him.. but why?

I sighed, it was getting dark and it was 10:31 PM. I decided to sleep. I yawned and sobbed myself to sleep.

In the morning I notice blood on my pillow, my cut is bleeding again. If Tsukki was like when we were teenagers, maybe I wouldnt be so depressed. The only people I have are Kageyama, Hinata, Bokuto, and Akaashi. The others.. I dont know where they are. Hopefully safe.

I decided to text Bokuto, he doesn't know about what Tsukki does to me though.

August 8th, 5:14

hey bo! how are you?
Read 5:14

oh, hii!! im doing good, hbu?

im doing well too!
read 5:17

how are you and kei doing?

oh were doing good! :)
read 5:19

thats good! oh, i gtg, ttyl okay? we should also hang out soon, catch up!

aw okay, and yes we should!! Imy!!
read 5:21

Tsukki will be home soon, I'm nervous for what he'll do...

"Yams, I'm home! I wanna talk to you.." I went to where he is to see what he has to say.
"Hey baby, look, I'm sorry for earlier, I was drunk, I'll give you love ok? Just wait. I love you, you know that right?" He kissed me on the cheek.

"Can you stop drinking.. so much?" I asked.
"I'm sorry Yams, I can't help it, I'm addicted and I cant stop myself.. but I do love you!" He was sobered up.. for now. I hate how he's constantly trying to kill himself, the accident sure messed him up good.

"Yeah. I love you too." I said, I feel like I've changed, I feel.. broken, now at least.

"please look more happy for me.."

"Oh my god. Tsukki, I'm sorry.."
"It's okay, I just feel like I made you hate me.."

"Of course not. I love you!" That's a lie, he has made me hate him a little.

"I love you too, now I'm gonna go lay down." I barely feel any affection for him anymore. If he wasnt a total jerk, maybe I would, but he is abusive and an alcoholic. But I still fucking love him! I cant stop loving him!

I love him too much..

UPDATED 2022 — Another damn. Thanks for so many reads💗🙏