Obliviate My Choices {Book 4}

18. Slughorn's memory

Summer was finally starting to peak it's way into the Hogwarts grounds--blue patches of sky and bright white clouds frequented the sky. But this made my mood the complete opposite--we still hadn't got the memory from Slughorn, Malfoy's actions were still unknown to me, Arthur and I were awkward with each other, and Sam was avoiding me.

It was all because of a stupid slip-up on my part. She'd been avoiding us all to begin with, but when she finally came to sit with us at breakfast, Cole said to her: 'It's like you've been away forever.' And without thinking I added on 'Yeah, it's like you died.'

And of course, Sam took that as me trying to get her to confess to the others about her poisoning not me being the sarcastic shit I really was. So she had now avoided me for the last week and a half, leaving me even more worried in case her hallucinations got really bad and she did something stupid.

But I had to push all of this aside when I went into potions. It was practically empty--only Ernie Macmillian, Harry, Gennie, Malfoy and I were in the class. Everybody else was in the apparation test--except Arthur, who claimed to be ill.

While we were on an unofficial break, his wise idea had left us both awkward with each other. We'd kiss each other when we left each other and still made the same stupid references, but something seemed almost hesitant about all our interactions.

It was making me regret our relationship a bit. Not in the sense of it wasn't working out, but that I got feelings for him so quickly and we started dating almost immeadiatley after--and it'd started to go in the direction of driving a sports car into a brick wall.

I hoped things would get back to normal with us soon, and that in time, I could love him. I mean, I did love him. He was one of the best friends I'd had, and gave me the strength to save myself from destructive behaviour. But in the romantic sense--I wasn't quite there yet.

Because the metaphorical brick wall stopping me from saying those words was stood opposite me. Since there were only five of us, Slughorn encouraged us to all work on the same desk.

"All too young to Apparate just yet?" said Slughorh genially, "Not turned seventeen yet?"

We shook our heads.

"Ah well," said Slughorn cheerily, "as we're so few, we'll do something fun. I want you all to brew me up something amusing!"

"That sounds good, sir," said Ernie with a large grin, rubbing his hands together. Malfoy, on the other hand, did not crack a smile.

"What do you mean, 'something amusing'?" he said irritably.

"Oh, surprise me," said Slughorn airily.

"I'd be surprised if he cracked a smile." Gennie muttered to me, and I couldn't help but agree.

I couldn't help glance over at my ex-boyfriend as he flipped irritably through his potions book. With a fustrated expression on his face with his light hair in his eye he looked restless at still being here. I wondered if he was longing for the room of requirement with Sam to do death eater activities.

But as his head shook as he examined the potions in the book, I couldn't help but see how prominent his cheekbones were, they painfully stuck out. He looked so small and thin that he looked like you'd get a papercut if you hugged him.

But then he caught me staring. "What do you want, Potter?" he snapped, but he sounded tired instead of angry.

To know what you're doing in the room of requirement. I thought, looking at his tired grey eyes. "Nothing with you." I snorted, and then asked Ernie for an ingredient I didn't even need.

As I found a potion to make--a elixr to make euphoria--I noticed a grey-tinge to his skin, no superiority or smugness in his expression. He looked empty, a shell of the bully he once was.