Obliviate My Choices {Book 4}

Epilouge~Wherever you are

My Dearest Aurora,

I've made so many mistakes in my life, I've fucked up too many people's emotions. My friends, my family, my enemies--you. My biggest regret is all the times I let you down, when you deserved somebody who completed you. I wish I could use a time-turner to back to those times we'd exchange sly looks and stolen kisses, make everything right. But I can't. 

Time is running out for me to try and fix what I've broken. But it's time I tell you what Sam erased from your memory, the truth about me. You probably won't read this, Rory, but this letter is a compilation of everything I didn't say...

Okay, well that sounded cheesy, so I'll get right to the point:

I am an asshat.

Don't ask me what the hell that means, but Sam has called me that every day of the summer and it sounds so idiotic and stupid it really fits me. She even bought me a birthday card which had a butt with a cowboy hat on claiming 'That's you'. Well, you get the point.

For years, I wanted to be a death eater. It was what was expected of me, the 'family business', something you put up with to make your family proud. And making my parents happy was one of the only things I ever wanted.

So I was rude--a bully, a bigot, prejudced little prat, everything that added up to being a death eater. And I enjoyed having the power to make people squirm, have control and have people laugh at my put-downs.

Until I met you.

That again, sounds cheesy, but it's true. I knew how my life was going to turn out, until I came across a lanky girl with emerald green eyes and a sharp tounge who actually called me out on the bullshit I presented to the world. 

And you changed me for the better, Rory, oh God you did. You made me softer, kinder, more willing to show emotions--the kind of person who's deserving of a soul as pure as yours. And through every kiss, every time you forgave me for being a prick, every time you smiled--I felt healed.

But you were as broken as my parents had made me, and all I wanted was to make you whole again, scoop all the sadness out and punch everybody that had led to you feeling the deep sadness I didn't understand.

But then just as I was becoming happy with the person I was becoming, everything came crashing down with my father's words: 'You are to follow in my footsteps.'

This was about Valentine's Day, when we finally fixed everything and became those love-sick fools again. And looking at your honey coated smile, I couldn't tell you what was to become of me. Everybody urged me to break up with you--my parents, my friends--even Sam, who understood how relationships turned sour under the Dark Lord's agenda. 

I thought I was doing what was right for you, protecting you from my corrupted life--letting you find somebody who wouldn't put you in danger, wouldn't cling to twisted morals forced upon him. But I underestimated how much you can protect yourself, that you wouldn't give a damn about any duty I had.

But I knew you would hate me, but you'd get over a sneering idiot who'd broken your heart. So I prepared a blunt, clean break-up that would make sure you'd never try to come back to me. All was ready.

But then your godfather died.

I hadn't expected that, I'd hoped you'd only have one heartbreak to deal with, not two. But I couldn't stop my fate approaching, so I kidded myself everything would be okay, as I held you in that dingy headquarters.

There was a moment as the sun rose and you clutched onto my shirt tighter that hey, maybe I could run away with you, start a new life that didn't have murder or corruption blemishing the good parts. But then I saw your lightning bolt scar, and realised that you had a job to do as well, that I couldn't chicken out of what was expected of me, no sooner than you could.

And then I broke your heart, with cruel words and that sneer that you always hated.

And it was the worst thing I've ever done in my life, to see your face crumble because of me that I'd made you hurt and break apart.

And then I told you all this the first day back at school, but Sam erased your memories, as you've probably guessed by now. I thought things couldn't get worse as my regret at guilt for hurting you cosumed me--until Slughorn's party.

You were kissing him like you once kissed me, that passive-agressive fluffball who helped you when I couldn't. Even though I couldn't breathe and everything was caving in, I thought he might make you happy, which is all I wanted for you.

But then you kept coming back to me, through concerned glances, yelling matches in cupboards and telling me the best tips how to avoid a depressive state I began spiralling into once all the broken pieces fell into place. 

And then you jumped in front of an almost life-threatening spell for me, and I thought I must have done something wrong, because you still care about me, a part of you still loves the boy who ripped your heart into shreds.

That is why I love you so damn much, you still find ways to love me, when even I can't love myself.

But there's a reason why I'm writing all of this, and it's not just to tell you the truth--it's to warn you. My mission, the one Sam's been helping me with is to kill.

 I have to kill Dumbledore tonight, it's my mission. Please, protect yourself and the people you love. It's all I'll ever ask of you. And I don't know if I'll go through with it or not, but I'm not going to be here by the end of the night at any rate.

Keep everyone away from the Astronomy tower, it's where its happening. 

So this is goodbye, I suppose. One way or another I probably won't see you again apart from in my dreams. I still dream of us, you know. Of green dresses and kisses under snow flurries where you are mine, and I am yours.

But I suppose they'll forever be dreams now.

I'm not asking for your forgiveness, I don't deserve that from you. All I'm asking as that you know, you know the truth, which is that I love you. I always have and I always will--you're the anchor to my rope and the compass to my ship that keeps me afloat.

It's funny, because for a moment, as we lay under the sunrise in dusty sheets, I thought wow, we almost made it. And I wish that could have happened, but life doesn't always play the cards we want.

But oh Rory, my dear Aurora, you will always be the one for me, my last first kiss, the girl who changed me for the better. Whatever happens, remember that, whether our paths cross again or not.

But I hope they do. God, I hope they do. 

Your almost love-of-your-life,

Draco Malfoy

P.S Make sure you take down the Dark Lord. That might make me smile for the first time in months.

- - - - - 

A/N Holy Hell, this is the end of the penultimate book.... I have to admit I was close to tears at this epilouge. 

But soon we shall all embark on a final journey with Rory and all her friends: Obliviate my Destiny.

As for the last three books, you are free to make your own cover for the final book!! Send me a PM with a link to it or just email it to me (which I'll give over message I'm not posting it public). The most fitting one wll be the cover and you will get a dedication!

I know I don't hand them out much but once the series is over (sob) I'll be putting a dedication each chapter for an awesome reader.

Character Ask up tomorrow where you can ask the characters and me questions!! And then a little break for me, and then the Preface will be up, which shall be called: Stars that are just satellites featuring everyone's favourite Mark Oswin!

See you all soon, all the love :)