I've Got Soul but I'm Not a Soldier

Fine Again

Leaving the safe house is a blur, as is the motorcycle drive to STAR Labs. Once Len becomes aware of his movements again, he's walking through the hallways of STAR Labs, on his way to the medical area. Cisco said Barry was back, and that means he'll be in the medical area, like Ronnie and Professor Stein were.

He's not sure how to feel. Relieved, sure, but it's like all of his emotions are on hold right now, like someone hit the pause button. His thoughts are scattered and brief; he can't think clearly. Thankfully his body moves on its own, because it knows what to do even when he doesn't.

His heart is racing, but there's no physical reason for it.

His breath is lodged in his throat, like he's holding it, except he's breathing just fine, physically.

It's this odd mixture of sensations and he's not sure how he should feel.

The walk down the hallways lasts an eternity, and is also entirely too short. He's not sure what he's going to do once he gets to the medical area, or what he'll say, what he should say, what he can say, what-

He enters the medical area, and his eyes land on Barry.

Barry Allen, who is sitting on a bed much like Ronnie and Stein were before, holding his arm out for Caitlin to wrap a blood-pressure sleeve around. Len stops where he stands, and stares for a moment. Perhaps he should be embarrassed at this lapse in his cool exterior and for showing such emotion, but honestly, all he cares about right now is the fact it's over.

The long wait is finally over, and he takes a minute to just breathe.

The cold within begins to warm.

Barry must feel his eyes on him, because sure enough the kid's head turns and then green eyes are connected with his own, and the kid has the audacity to smile.

Cisco and Caitlin turn at Barry's look and see Len standing there. Caitlin smiles at him, and Cisco laughs.

"You got here fast for not being a meta-human," Cisco says.

"Give us a minute," Len says somewhat tersely.

Caitlin frowns. "But I need to-"

"It's fine," Cisco says, grabbing her arm and dragging her from the room. As soon as the door closes and the two of them are alone, Len walks toward the bed where Barry follows his every movement.

His eyes scan up and down the speedster, but he seems unharmed save for a busted lip which seems to already be healing. Barry smiles, expression easy and relaxed and everything Len remembers and thought he wouldn't see again. Something in him cracks, splinters – shatters.

"Len," Barry says, frowning suddenly; it must show on his face.

Hearing Barry say his name threatens to undo him completely. It's been so long since he's heard that voice. Len shifts his feet, torn between surging forward and standing still. Holding on and keeping to himself. There are cameras, after all, so they are probably being watched by Caitlin and Cisco.

And once he makes physical contact, he knows he won't be able to control himself, so he stays put despite how much he wants to move forward, wants to touch and feel and poke and prod and kiss and-

"Barry," Len replies, clearing his throat. "How do you feel?"

"I'm fine," Barry says. "Len, what happened? You look terrible."

Len snorts. It's the first time he's seen the kid in weeks and the first thing he does is tell Len he doesn't look nice. "You vanished," Len says through gritted teeth, because it seems like Barry doesn't understand the impact his disappearance had on people. Still has on people.