Found by sin - Bokuaka

Chapter 16

More than a week passed and Akaashi was nowhere to be seen.

All that time, Bokuto's chest kept feeling weird, as if there was a weight in it that pushed and made it harder to breathe everytime he thought about him, which was almost all day.

Bokuto missed him. He was worried about him. He replayed their last encounter over and over in his head, but couldn't figure out what made Akaashi react that way.

And those words. Those words felt like a stab to his heart.

How could he possibly not worry about him? There was no way Bokuto could see him as just a sex partner. For a long time, Akaashi was a lot more than that. He even doubted if he ever considered him as just that.

He thought Akaashi felt that way too.

Remembering those words hurt. But what hurt him the most was Akaashi's expression.

He could tell he was overwhelmed by sadness, and could swear that Akaashi didn't mean those words, that he didn't really want to be left alone. Somehow, Bokuto was sure of that.

He just wanted to help him and make things right. But no matter how much he looked for him around town, he couldn't find him.

The thought that Akaashi might've left town forever crossed Bokuto's mind once in a while. And once it did, he wished with all his strength that wasn't the case.

That night, Bokuto couldn't sleep, so he went to the living room to read for a while. Or at least try, since his mind drifted off easily, not being able to avoid thinking about him.

After half an hour, Bokuto gave up on reading. He began to get up to go to bed, when suddenly, he heard a knock on his door.

His heart skipped a beat as he saw Akaashi entering the living room, fidgeting with his fingers.

"Hey…", the blue-eyed man said.

Bokuto was shocked for a few seconds, until he realised it was really him being there.

"Akaashi! Are you ok? I've been so worri- I mean- I know you said I shouldn't be, but I just-".

Bokuto felt frustrated at himself. He wasn't making any sense. He couldn't just bring up that subject, not knowing that whatever the reason, Akaashi was suffering.

He let out a strong sigh before speaking again.

"How are you?".

Akaashi looked at him and couldn't hold back a little smile forming in his face. Bokuto was such a nice person. And he treated him horribly. What an idiot.

"I'm… Not very well, to be honest", said  sighing, looking down. "The other day, I… Got carried away by anger and took it onto you… I'm sorry… I didn't mean all those things I said, it's just...".

Akaashi's voice cracked, and he began to walk through the living room towards the windows, his back facing Bokuto.

"That day, I suddenly remembered the day I died… And the way I… Killed someone…".

Bokuto didn't move, nor made any sound. He was expectant, listening carefully to what Akaashi had to say.

"When I was alive… I didn't really have much experience in love or being with someone. But a few months before I died… I met someone. Hiroshi, was his name. We… Kind of fell in love immediately… We were together for 6 months or so… But, of course, we had to hide, since we lived in a really small and christian village and the fact that two men were together was considered… Blasphemy… Outrageous… We had a group of friends in common, but we could tell some rumours about us were circulating around… We tried to ignore it, but it seemed that more and more people gave us a weird look everyday… One day, we escaped a party we were in and went outside, to an ally… We were just talking, not even holding hands, but we were rather close to each other… And that was enough to raise suspicious thoughts from the men that walked in and found us… There were four of them, and they were drunk… They began to insult us… Calling us freaks, scum… Threatening to kill us for being together…".