SHADOWS

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I didn't know what to do my brain couldn't function I decided to call the emergency line but I was confused I quickly ran to the body it was my Mum she just laid there with a slowed breathing, she was surrounded with different bottles of alcohol, I wondered where she had gotten so much alcohol from I was more shocked when I found an ash tray so she smokes now!!  Lord Jesus!!  I didn't call the emergency line anymore I raised her up and screamed her name.
   "Mom"!!!!!
  She didn't respond at all her eyelids were the only thing moving she was crying, I felt the wetness on her face as I tried to move her hair stuck on her face, I made her lay against the couch, I stood up and cleared the bottles including the ash tray and vacuumed all the dirt. While cleaning I could hear her letting out small sobs, I quickly cleaned up sat beside her she wasted no time putting her head on my laps...  I didn't know what to do I started massaging her head whispering things that it'll be fine giving her the assurance that it'll all be good she managed to stop crying was almost falling asleep as I guided her up the stairs to her room so she could rest, tucking her to bed I left and went to call her office where she works as a nurse at a hospital down the road so I pulled a call to Nurse Maggie she was a fellow nurse at my mum's area I told her my mum felt a bit down and decided to rest for the day and she agreed to get her a pass for two days I was more than grateful for that. I decided to make something before my Mum wakes up so I decided to make a quick rice dish for her I wasn't a fan of cooking but I'd practically anything for my Mum I've come to believe that all Mothers are worth a million more than any other gender.
  I got started on my homework as soon as I finished cooking while working on the third I heard my Mom's footsteps making me turn around to look at her she was still in her awful clothes, she had little bags under her eyes, her once bright brown eyes that sparkled seemed dim, I found my self running to hug her she held me dearly even more tightly I had tears in my eyes the state I met her in was in my head I couldn't stop myself from thinking if anything must have happened to her then I told her.
  " Mom I though you were dead....." I said into her ears in between sobs
    " Mom I thought....... " I didn't even complete the sentence before she responded
    " Cheryl I'm fine I just had a break down alright"
   " But mum you could hardly breathe I was scared"
We just stood there looking into each others eyes like there was a message, I could see fear and a  lot of emotions swirling in her eyes I could also see love and hurt the emotions were just too many to read my mind was itching me to ask her more questions but I knew she needed her space we all do at some point. I broke away from the embrace and made her seat on the kitchen counter as I served her food she looked at me funnily.
" Cheryl you cooked "
" Yes mum I did "
  She laughed so hard that I could see tears coming from her eyes I didn't mind her laughing at me at least she laughed a bit and it seemed good, we ate well together in a peaceful silence then we decided to have a movie night before going off to bed. I watched my mum closely and intently as she paid attention to the movie it's like she needed a distraction something to take her mind away from all the emotions she felt but not talking about it wasn't good I've learnt that talking about your hard felt emotions was best it makes one feel better even if a solution isn't provided you would feel a burden lifted off you, my Grandma from my Mum's side said to me one day " Ottile it kills to be silent, never you think you're always strong enough we all break sometimes we break so hard that we loose ourselves and until we accept our fall and talk about it to do something different we'd end up losing ourselves more than we can imagine and my dear you'd need to pray heard that you'll be able to gather the pieces of your broken self "  I really wanted to help my mum but how would it be possible so I summoned the courage to ask her what happened.
" Mum, why did you drink so much today "
" It's nothing "
" It's something Mum you never drink or smoke you're always positive and cheerful so what happened today this morning you were looking pale after the phone call what happened and please Mum don't lie" I could see her fears and pain as I asked her the questions.
" it's your Father "
Her answer sent shock waves down my body, I went mute my father wasn't a good news he held more than harmful thoughts on my mind he wasn't anyone that should be joked with because over the years he had changed from bad to worst he had threats around him I don't know how to feel I wanted to be strong right now and not show my fears but deep down my heart was shaking.
" And what about him"i asked her quietly
" He called this morning saying that he needed a huge amount of money he needed it to pay off the debt he was owing some guys I asked him what exactly he bought that he needed a huge amount of money for he didn't reply he just went on asking am do pleading that's urgent and that his life was at stake "
Lord knows I didn't know where the story was going to but I hoped it wasn't what I was thinking, I remember my Mum working tirelessly last year till now to pay up the debt we owed she told me she had saved some amount of money for my schooling as she wanted the payment to get over and done with she also told me the debt was half paid so since she didn't want me out of school so she's paying my fees first.
" Don't tell me you gave him " as soon as those words left my mouth she turned her head away from me she just stared at the blank wall for some seconds before she answered and deep inside me knowing the truth but tried hard not to believe it.
  " yes...... I gave him the money I kept for your school fees...... And quarter from the debt I was planning to pay off"
I just shut down, I didn't know know to tell her or say to her but one way or another my heart had broken and shatters to pieces..........