SHADOWS

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   You know when your whole world falls down and shattered into those very tiny pieces with an almost impossible way of getting them back together to form a complete piece, that's how I felt. I felt broken on the inside like a piece of me snapped down in to half not even half this time around like it shattered like a glass into impossible pieces with absolutely no way for fixing, what would I do know that was the question on my mind so much was at stake I couldn't even think aright at the moment my head suddenly felt like it would explode at any moment I was just trapped in my feelings with so many thoughts swirling around my mind it was too much too handle I knew it wasn't the end for me but seemed like the beginning of the the end already and I was already feeling lost ....
 
  I left my mum and went up to my room it was already too late and I needed sleep for the next day at school but I wasn't getting any even as I tossed lazily around my bed I just couldn't find sleep I knew if I didn't sleep now I won't be able to function well during the day getting enough sleep always made my body work properly and there was only one way to help me sleep so I plugged in my head phones and played Sia 'I'm still here ' my headphones were on highest volume I knew I was going to sleep off soon and yes few minutes into the song I slept off like a baby funny how music seems to take my mind away from troubles for a while it was my form of ecstasy it made me think properly, the beats always had this unique synced form that helps my nerves to cool down and stops my mind from racing through all my problems, the lingering sound of instruments at the end also made me calm so I've learnt to enjoy the moment anytime a song plays it was all I had at some point in my life...

  Waking up the next morning to my alarm blasting in my ears I felt too lazy to stand up from my bed it was like my bones were rooted to the bed the tiredness I felt struck me down to the core of my bones but I knew better than to remain in bed for any longer because I'll end up sleeping and that guarantees a long lecture from my mum that I wasn't even ready for speaking about my mum I wondered how she was doing after the whole discussion last night she wasn't one to deal with emotions properly but I knew she's be fine with that thought I got up from bed straighten my sheets said a word of prayer to my Heavenly Father and asked for his directions then I went off to bath done with that I stared at my reflection in the mirror my Afro hair was still pulled back into two big braids from yesterday I decided it looked okay so I just laid my edges, grabbed a pair of ripped jeans and white long sleeves not forgetting my coat too the weather outside seemed a bit more than chilled. Rushing down stairs I met my mum our eyes collided and I could see the guilt they held like she did feel sorry and pained from everything that happened I made a mental note to have a long talk with her later.

  ' Morning Nonna' I had always called her that name to make her feel better when ever anything bad happens.
' Morning sweetie, guess what I made your favourite ' she said as she managed to force a smile across her face , and it was true she made waffles and cream okay now this woman knew the way to my heart I knew it was a trick to avoid the upcoming conversation but not to me she can bribe me all she want but I'm sure having a conversation with her later but first of all I have to eat.
'Yummy, thanks Nonna'

  I quickly rushed my food, since the beginning of time waffles had always been my best breakfast meal but sometimes I feel like I can have them for the rest of my life as breakfast or whatever it was just so fluffy and sweet I finished up early, washed my plate and headed out to school. Few steps away from my house I remembered that I forgot my phone so I retraced my steps back opening the door I met my mum handing out my phone.
' I knew you were forgetting something '
' Yup, thanks Mum'

  So I continued walking till I got to Blair's house, she most times had the house to herself because her parents travelled in and out of the country for business a lot, Mr Melton ( Blair's father) was the Managing director of a very big firm and as usual he was rarely home at any point, her mum Mrs Melton is an ambassador and was always traveling from one country to another. But she had an elder brother Donna we often call him Don his tall, black thick hair like Blair's and had blue eyes compared to Blair who had light brown he wasn't at home most of the time but sure he always came home whenever he had breaks though. Getting there I saw Donna walking out so called out his name he saw me and ran then quickly raised me off my feet he definitely caught be off guard and I did scream!

  'Cici, gosh it's been a very long time' he said while putting me down and hugging me.
' First you need to stop calling me Cici I'm not five anymore man! Come on'
' you should forget about that it's never happening Cici I've given you that name for as long as I can remember so young lady it stands'
I knew he wasn't going to give up he had always called me Cici for as long as I can remember he sees me as a little sister, he was one person who had always been there for me along side with Blair they were indeed more than family to me.
' Come on man! I'm older now though' I said while moving into the house and screaming Blair's name
'pfftttt imma still call you Cici no matter what and guess what chocolates in the fridge left hand side' he said and jogged upstairs
' I love you big bro ' I screamed after him

   And then the queen herself came down stairs in her style as usual I couldn't help but laugh, we were wearing the same thing practically looking like twins!

' since when did you start calling Donna big bro huh please ma'am leave him alone he's only man I got '
' bla bla bla not happening he calls me sister woman and he loves me too' with that I went to grab my chocolates from the fridge and they were my favorite TWIX and Maltese gosh!! He was the best big bro ever
' Donny' I screamed his name at the top of my voice
' I love you Donny you're the best come get a signature hug ' before I could blink he crashed into me and Lord! I could hardly breathe
' Donny get off her man'
' ha ha ha Blair you don't get this hugs on a normal day '
' I know right ' I said while breaking off from the embrace
  
   I went off to give Blair a hug too cus I keep she was going to blow up on me later for not hugging her earlier after that Donna dropped off at school.

    Alighting from the car and waving Donna off I noticed a boy waving at Blair I knew there was something going on ,waves don't just come like that there's more to it for sure and she waved him back I laughed out and told her my mind.
' B you better have an explanation for that cute love display '
' Ouch CJ you hurt my feelings it's not love woman don't be deceived '
' Then what is it then explain '
' Nothing much though he's just a friend '
' Friend how only a friend woman how is that possible a friend that I just found out about na na na you have to be all joking now '
And she laughed she really laughed at me
' Come on CJ he's just a friend I met him somewhere and we've been friends since then though and what else' she said while stroking her imaginary beard
' Aha yes he kinda likes me but na na na Blair Melton doesn't deal with feelings at least even if I do not with him anyways'
' That's what they all say I'm waiting till you fall in        love B'
' Trust me that's never going to happen '

   With that we went inside the school getting to our lockers the almighty school witch passed behind us from the corner of my eye I could spot her red blazing lipstick it was her not ever mistaking Jessica the merciless queen, evil queen Jessica, judge of all social standards ,few of whom she made friends. For a fact she seemed to be having a nice morning as she walked hand in hand with her new fling Drew Younger often call DY by their little crew they just seem to irritate me they had this negative energy they radiate I couldn't place it but maybe it's because I don't like her at first she's just unlikable to me .....

  My classes for the day went by faster than I actually intended and during lunch hour I spotted Blair with her waver boy yeah I did call him waver boy since she refused to tell me his name for a fact he looked cute but definitely not my type though I wanted to call Blair but didn't want to spoil their whole little romantic moment trust me I'd feel guilty at the end. My next and last class was spent in the library to read and compile some of my assignments I waited for Blair to come meet me so we could go home but the thought of home though it brought back the things I tried to forget it gave me a sharp chill down my veins.........