Torn between Dreams and Reality

Chapter 28

My eyes opened to a place with things floating all around—just like me.

I was holding onto both my hands close to my chest, my legs bent together to form a cocoon shape. There was nothing beneath or above me to stand on, just a bunch of objects moving around in the darkness. In the fog of obscurity, I saw something flutter their wings—it was a black Butterfly—floating amidst the chaos.

An eerie sheen caught my eye. Uncurling my fingers and bringing my hands in front of me, I noticed that they were wrapped in silk threads of silver and gold, edged with blue, purple and pink that only showed as I twirled the thread around my fingers. They held me like a fly stuck in a web. I looked around, eyes trying to make out what was around me. I tried moving forward but I was stuck, the thread piercing my skin harshly. After an endless period of struggle, I gave up trying, heavily breathing.

Not knowing what to do, I screamed in frustration only to find my voice echoing back to me. I hated this! I didn't even have control over my own dreams, my own mind.

"Why are you doing this to us?"

I looked up in astonishment to see where the voice came from. It was a younger version of Leo standing there in shorts and an over-sized button-up, fiddling with the sleeves on his hands, looking hesitant.

"Why?" He repeated, his hazel eyes anxiously waiting for a reply. "All we want is to make you happy."

"No! You don't want that! You keep trying to drive me insane. I don't want this anymore; I want to be normal and forget all of this but you won't let it happen!"

"But that's because you were forgetting us! You loved us but you were loving everything else more, you were changing!" he shouted, his voice turning shrill and ear piercing.

"That still doesn't—" I abruptly stopped speaking when something dawned on me. "Who is 'we'?"

His pale pink lips turning into an innocent smile as he replied, "All of us. All that make you happy, Éclair. We're your happiness."

The threads untangled and misted into nothing. I felt myself fall and suddenly hit the ground. It was all white underneath me. Just a little platform that appeared underneath my feet with every step I took. I looked around at the strange butterflies that floated in the endless darkness around me. I heard a child's laughter coming from ahead where I saw butterfly sitting, fluttering its black wings with a pinkish tint. It sounded like my younger self.

"I like this very much," it said.

I cautiously walked towards it, bending down to reach out and touch it. Its wings felt like they were made of glass, transporting me into another world.

They were trees all around me, standing tall and wide. It looked like something I had seen before...

Then it hit me. The place looked like the painting at Leo's garage behind which my diary was. It felt so nostalgic that I—

"I like this very much."

I turned my head around to see a girl with short black hair lie on the grass, staring at the sky next to a man who smiled down at her.

"Dad...?" I whispered, not sure if I believed my own words. He looked nothing like me but those eyes—those night blue eyes were the reason my Mom hated me. How could I forget them, especially when I had the same ones?

"What do you like so much, Claire?" he asked the little girl.

"The trees and the hut. There's so much greenery here, I love it! Everything is so beautiful here," she exclaimed.

He shifted his gaze to the hut where a little auburn-haired boy sat watching his father paint attentively. He stared for a couple of minutes and then turned his head towards the trees.

"You know, Claire, we could make this tree," he said pointing at one, "look even better than it looks."

The little me tilted her head in confusion. "How so?"

"Well, we could make this tree have a pale trunk with black veins with glowing fruits like fireflies. The leaves could be shiny silver with a little bit of purple in them. And those birds, they could have golden feathers... or maybe some pastel colours, whatever you want."

The little girl's eyes sparkled. "That would be so pretty! But how is that possible, daddy?"

He put his index finger on her temple. "With our imagination."

"But that's just in our heads."

"Don't worry, sweetheart, our mind is just another world that we don't bother to explore. We can make it the way we want to and it will be without any pain or suffering and everything would be magnificent, beautiful.... Perfect."

"But mama says nothing's perfect and that's how life works."

He looked back at the cabin. "Don't worry. Soon, it will be. I promise."

From inside the cabin, I heard someone shout for dinner as the little girl and her dad got up and walked hand in hand.

I stepped back and tumbled. I was back in the black void, the butterfly flying away as it showed me another memory.

I felt a tear slip down my face. I hadn't seen my dad for so long that I didn't even remember what he looked like. But we looked so happy, so loving, so. . . normal that I couldn't help but wonder "Where did it go wrong".

I sobbed loudly. No one could hear me here, no one would judge, no one would worry.

"What did you do, Dad!? WHAT DID YOU DO!?" I screamed.

I looked up with my teary eyes to see another butterfly waiting with another memory. This one looked different with its smaller black winds with silver linings and a bluish tinted. On my knees, my shaky hand touched it and I was back at my house.

The warm light of the afternoon Sun streamed through the open front door.

"I had to. I'm sorry but I had to."

It was Him. My dad, standing at the door with an apologetic expression on his face.

"Why!? You filed a divorce! How could you, where did it go wrong, Carter!?" my Mom screamed, trying to snatched the suitcase from my dad's hand.

"It's not you, it's me, Aria. I just have to do this."

"Do what!? How could you be so selfish, leaving Claire and I here alone like this!?"

He looked down at his feet, ashamed. "You'll both do better without me."

"She's sick, Carter! She's sick and she needs you. I need you, Carter, please don't do this!"

"I'm sorry," was his quiet reply. "She rather forgets me than have me as a dad."

They argued a little more but my ears were buzzing.

"Fine! I won't ever let you come here again!" My mom yelled.

Before my dad could say anything, little Me came out of the kitchen. "What's going on?"

She looked at the suitcase and asked, "Daddy, are you going somewhere?"

"Shut up and go to your room right now, Claire!" My mom shouted. "I'll deal with you later."

"But Mommy—"

"I said go upstairs, Claire!"

And the little girl jumped and rushed upstairs, scared of the new face she had seen of her mother.

If only she knew that she'd have to see that face for the rest of her mother's life.

Sorry for the delayed chapter! I JUST finished my exams, the CIES and almost died, istg. But anyways, I'm gonna try giving regular update before my A-levels so stick around!