Torn between Dreams and Reality

Chapter 29

She never looked Nice.
She looked like art and art wasn’t supposed to look nice.
I was supposed to make you feel.

◊◊◊ unknown ◊◊◊

Hazel eyes.

All I saw were Hazel eyes after that. I was floating in an abyss of strings and butterflies for so long, the only chant that had been around me was of my dad saying that he was sorry as he left. I hadn’t bothered to touch any butterfly after I saw my dad leave, too scared of what I’d see. But those hazel eyes came into my vision as quickly as I saw one of those wretched creatures land on top of me. But this one didn’t have a silver lining—it was gold and pink tinted, so pretty, but that didn’t help me with those eyes.

“How do you feel, Claire?” A Voice questioned as those eyes peered into me. The first thing I noticed about them were that they weren’t Leo’s. The second thing was that the voice was of someone that I knew—or had known—I couldn’t tell.

“I feel a bit. . . icky,” I heard a girl say from behind me, sitting slouched on a sofa with her little arms wrapped around each other. Her eyes lazily gazed outside the window, her cheeks flushed red, her chest huffing loudly. “But you’ll fix it, right?”

Her eyes trained towards a man with a needle in his hands, filling the injection in.

He sighed but passed her a smile. “Of course, I will! That’s why I’m here kiddo,” he walked up to her, “Besides, if I wouldn’t be able to, your parents would kill me.”

The little me giggled at the joke as she brought her arm ahead. As uneasy she was, she closed her eyes and bit her lip as the man grabbed her arm and cleaned the spot with a swab.

Hazel eyes.

His hazel eyes looked at her blue ones, a gentle smile reaching his lips. “Calm down, Claire, this isn’t the first time you’re getting a shot.”

“Yeah, but it still hurts.”

He nodded in understanding. “You know what, tell me about your favorite things in this whole world, you know, the things you love the most, that bring you the most joy.”

The little girl’s eyes sparkled. “Oooo, I love so many things! But the ones I love the most is. . . I love flowers and our neighbors have such a pretty garden. Mrs. Lilith grows such lovely flowers in her garden and its like they never die. I also love eating ice cream; it’s so yummy and butterflies too. They’re so beautiful and they’re everywhere in spring that everything becomes so colorful.”

The man laughed. “Anything else?”

Little Claire thought for a second and then exclaimed, “Oh! And Leo! He’s my best friend and I love him a lot.”

His hazel eyes met hers with a warm smile. He didn’t say anything about them, just replied with, “There, all done. You didn’t even realize when I injected you. Now, be a good girl and run off to your mother.”

She did as she was told.

The man grabbed a piece of paper and wrote something on it. I took a step closer so I could see. There, in a dirty handwriting were written all the things little Claire had mentioned.

“Did you ask her?”

My head whipped around to see my dad’s face. He looked worried for some reason.

The man nodded and handed the paper to him. He skimmed through it and sighed. “Thanks for this. Do you think this kind of information is important for our research?”

“Yes, Carter. And the sooner we’ll be able to get this solved, you will be able to—”

“Forget about that for now, Ethan, what about her? Will she start getting better soon? She caught a common cold but it’s been over a year and she’s still sick. The doctors don’t know why and Aria is eating my head about it.”

“I know, that’s why these questions might help her health too and not just the research. Maybe if we try to give her the things that make her happy, she might become mentally healthy enough to fight back her illness. Otherwise, you’ll have to take her to another doctor, probably from the city.”

My dad pinched the bridge of his nose. “I hope she gets better.”

“I hope so too. I’ll be taking my leave now, Carter.”

“Okay, bring your son over next time. Claire wasn’t happy when she didn’t see Leo with you today.”

Ethan nodded. “He’ll be just as mad at me when he finds out I came here and didn’t take him with me.”

“Take care, Ethan.”

I was sick.

But what had happened? I couldn’t remember the time. I don’t remember my dad or Leo’s. Not even their faces. Leo’s dad was still around but its not like I’ve ever had the opportunity to meet him.

I was too scared at that time… but he knows something. He knows what happened to me and maybe about all of this too.

I started contemplating how I was going to do it as my surrounding started to fade into the misty abyss from before. With a new-found piece of information, I was one step closer to figuring all of this out. But I was still stuck here—in my own mind and I couldn’t escape it as much as I tried.

It was then when I felt something strike my cheek—a hand. In utter confusion I looked up to see a woman who looked exactly like me but with brown eyes.

“Mom?” I whimpered, taking a step back.

She slapped me again, harder than before. I stared into her eyes with shock. She was heaving harder, shaking me by my shoulders. Her eyes were still hard, still cold just like before, holding the same hatred and malice in them.

Another slap.
“Didn’t you heard what I said!?” she screamed, shaking me hard. I winced as her nails pierced through the skin of my shoulders.

“Why do you always keep on daydreaming like this—always stuck in your head! Get a grip of yourself, you useless girl, the world won’t wait for you when you’re busy fantasying things. It will go on while your stuck in your head dreaming of a better life! You have to move for that, you have to face the harsh reality – none of it is sweet but that’s how it is! You have to wake up and face it… so WAKE UP AND FACE IT!”

I felt another slap ring my ears but no pain followed. As if I were a piece of glass she slapped t break… and the glass broke. I felt something inside me rise. My mother slapped me so many times as I grew up, so many times because she thought that it was the only way she could knock some sense into me. . . And for the very first time, it actually worked.

“Oh, my dear, what have you become
All our efforts that you’ve undone
Will only make yours Dreams cling on tighter
For we know you are a fighter
But not every warrior wins their battles
And the reality you live holds onto you like shackles
Don’t live with such agony
Let your Dreams set you free!”

I didn’t bother listening to this soft chaotic voice this time. It was always easy for me to take refuge in this made up Haven that I became my own ruination, clinging onto it more than I should have.

But the glass was broken.

And the reflection I kept seeing before wasn’t even mine anymore.