Torn between Dreams and Reality

Chapter 19

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO ALL THE DADS OUT THERE, WORKING THEIR ASS OFF FOR THEIR KIDS!

KNOW THAT WE LOVE YOU!!!

Slowly making my way to the center of the room where the diary hung above our heads, I tried loosening the knots between the threads, only to find it tightening itself around my wrists, making me hiss.

"Wait a minute," Conrad said as he stopped my motion of trying to remove the web's grasp as he hastily made his way towards all my stationary items had fallen. Scattering them around to find the scissors which he brought in the direction of the threads and tried to cut them.

The knots tightened enough to probably stop my pulses when they made a contact with the scissors. Slowly, like strands of hair, they fell towards the objects they were attached to, the butterflies whirling around like bats in a cave and then disappearing. Conrad cut all that he possibly could, only leaving the silver strands behind.

Putting pressure on his index and middle finger, Conrad tried cutting the silver cords, only to let the scissor blades snap and break.

"What do we do now?" Conrad asked, rubbing the back of his neck as he stared at the broken item in his hand.

"I don't know," I replied, staring at diary tied up by four threads, holding it from different corners of the room. I sighed, not having any other idea as I moved my hand forward to untie the silver knots on the diary.

The strings slowly started to wrap themselves around my hand again, Conrad's failed attempts to stop them only provoking them more. They made their way up my arm, slithering like snakes against my skin towards my neck but I gave them no notice as I dug my nails forcibly into the wraps of the strings. The force it put on the knot increases as they tightened around my necks, Conrad's voice seeming distant due to less oxygen as he tugged onto them.

Just as I undid one of the threads, the rest untied themselves visibly and loosely fell down, dropping the diary in the center of the room. I fell on my knees, heaving as I grabbed the diary from the floor and the worn-out pages that had scattered on the floor.

"You okay?" Conrad asked, crouching besides me to help me collect.

I nodded empty-mindedly, clutching my diary to my chest. I sighed as I held it, closing my eyes for God-knows-how-long, I rewinded every happy memory that I had written in this book.

"Will you help me clean up this place?" I asked after letting out a heavy sigh.

Conrad passed me a smile. "Well, apparently my hunger has left me so . . . Of course."

֎

Conrad dropped himself on my bed, making himself comfortable as he talked to his mother on the phone. Lily was a chirpy woman and it was hard not to notice how much Conrad had taken up from her. Apart from his steel eyes, every other feature and personality trait of his resembled to his mother.

I kept myself busy by flipping the pages of my old diary, tracing my finger on top of the roughly colored drawings that had filled almost every page.

There were different pages stuffed in the little book too. Some file papers and some torn from other registers, mostly our school copies, holding our little conversations during class, drawing the teachers we didn't like into animals.

"So, you found anything important?" Conrad asked, folding his legs as he sat besides me on the edge of the bed.

I sighed. To me, every single thing in it was and forever would be important but. . . I just wanted to relish these memories without having the fear of them haunting me back. So, I shook my head.

"What's this?" he pointed at a page that was falling out.

I took it out and unfolded it only to let my back stiffen straight as I cringed. There was only one word one the page, scribbled on it with force. DAD.

"I did this when I was eleven because I was angry. I was waiting for my dad that day, wanting to wish him a happy Father's Day. I had it all planned in my mind: we'd bake a cake together, I'd tell him about my day and then I'd give him the gift I made for him. But that day, he stormed into the house and declared that he didn't want to live with us anymore. Even though the divorce took two more weeks because my mom wasn't ready to sign the papers. I wanted him to stay or at least come to visit but he never did. I was mad and this was the only way I could think of to take my anger out."

Conrad stayed silent, staring at the scribbled word for longer than I thought he would. I stared at him, wondering what was running in his mind as he processed my words.

"You know," I whispered after sometime, keeping my eyes on the piece of paper. "You scare me, Conrad."

His eyes snapped towards me but I didn't meet his gaze. "Why?"

"Because I tell you things that I can't even tell myself. I never even thought of remembering my dad but here I just told you something that. . . . . . I found heard to accept for myself."

"Well, I'm glad then. We all need to have that go-to person to talk to. I'm happy I get to be yours for now."

I smiled slightly, focusing on flipping the pages again as I continued to tell him about the different events when I came across two tickets.

"Whoa, what's that?" he asked tilting his head to study it.

I held them up, their golden color now turned brown and they were worn out from the. I grinned at the memory.

"These were two tickets that we had basically begged Leo's dad to but for us. There was a carnival being held and we desperately wanted to go but, un fortunately, in the end, we didn't."

Conrad furrowed his eyes brows in confusion. "Why didn't you."

"I had food poisoning so Leo decided to skip it as well even though I had told him to take someone else but. . . he said no."

Conrad offered me a smile that was ever-so bright, his steel eyes molding and melting. His lips parted as if he was about to say something when his eyes utterly froze and he snatched the tickets from my hands.

"Hey, Claire, if this ticket is that old then why does it have a date of a week from now?"

Stunned, I let my eyes moved to the date imprinted on it, only to realize that it wasn't from years ago, but coming up.

"I-I . . . and this, but—how?"

"I don't know, but I guess we'll find out in a week's time because if there actually is a carnival by then and these tickets would be valid for that time, then we're attending it."

We would indeed.

The name Claire is a girl's name of French origin meaning "bright, clear".
In German Baby Names the meaning of the name Conrad is: "Honest advisor Brave; wise".