Torn between Dreams and Reality

Chapter 23

Fun Fact: More than half of the dreams described in this book are the ones that I saw myself!

Days flew by but I hadn't seen Conrad even once. I spent my nights dreaming about him even if I was with Leo the whole day. He showed me how much his life had changed, feeling excited to make me a part of it again but I, on the other hand, felt like I was interacting with a completely new person. Twisting my hands tightly, biting the insides of my cheek, smiling nervously whenever he looked at me as if our friendship depended on it.

I had been hearing these weird talks and conversations since these days, like my vision being in the present but my ears tuned in to another time, another place. Every time I heard that voice in my head, I knew something that my mind had been screaming since I fainted at the carnival.
Wrong.

I got up from the sofa, hastily putting on my shoes.

"Éclair, where you at?" I heard Leo from the kitchen as he peeked out to look at me.

I looked away. "I need air, Leo. I need to breathe. I'm going out for a walk."

"Want me to come with you?"

I shook my head to which he replied, "Okay... will you come here or go back home after your walk."

"I'll probably be late and head back home. Don't wait up for me."

He looked upset at what I said, like the Leo from years ago did.

"But I made lasagna," he whined. "Nobody likes eating lasagna alone."

I smiled and walked up to him, throwing my arms around his waist. He used to be so skinny before, my arms used to chain around him and I could even pick him up sometimes. Now, he's taller and larger than I'll ever be.

Time stole so much from me.

"How about this, you eat alone today and if you have some left, you can bring it over to my place tomorrow and we'll eat together. Is that okay with you?"

He gave me a cheeky smile before pinching my cheek. "Okay, my sweetest chocolate Éclair from the best bakery in town. Now, I'm purposely going to eat only one quarter of it so I can save it for tomorrow."

"Whatever you want to do," I replied as I pulled back from him and walked towards the door, shutting it behind me.

I looked towards the right where the garage was and abruptly struck by the memories of the day when Conrad helped me sneak in to retrieve my diary. He had made me look up into his steel eyes and told me to cry, cry so that I wouldn't hold that burden in my heart.

I looked away, continuing to walk ahead, I made my way to the streets, the cool air nipping at my nose and ears.

Conrad was so kind to me. he didn't even know me much but always kept trying to. He took care of me and worried for me. and what did I do to him?

I pushed him away. I pushed him away every single time because I was afraid of getting to close to him and then losing him. But he still kept reaching out to me. He didn't climb up the walls that I built in ages, he broke through them and made them fall—for him, at least.

And I had opened up to him in a way I hadn't to anyone else. I let myself be me with him, the weak, insecure, sensitive me that this society would never accept.

But then he pushed me away, and so badly that I felt like a piece of cloth that had fallen on a cactus, only to be ripped off of it, making shreds and wholes in my being.

Did he give up on me? Did he stop trying, stop fighting? Or did one of his insecurities take over him and made him push me away?

A single tear dripped off my chin as I sniffled and wiped it with my sleeve, wrapping my arms around myself for some negligible comfort. People were actually enjoying their life around me; did they notice me?

A girl ran up to me with a wide grin on her face, "Hey, you're crying. Do you want this ice cream? I can ask mom to buy me another, you can have this one."

I was taken aback by her forwardness, her kindness.

"I—no, thank you. You... can keep it. I was going to—"

I forgot what I was saying wen my eyes found a familiar platinum blonde boy. Forgetting about the girl, I ran up to Conrad as he strolled ahead, not even knowing about me being there. Pumping energy into my legs, I boosted my speed and gripped his bicep.

"Conrad!" I huffed. "Conrad. . . We need to talk."

I straightened myself and looked into his eyes.

Frozen.
The steel in his eyes wasn't melting or molding like usual but was still, solid, Frozen.

He shrugged. "What do you want to talk about, Claire?"

To say I was nervous was an understatement, I was a mess. With my hands fidgeting, my legs weak, my cheeks red. I was more anxious than I thought I would be.

"I just want to know why you left that day, at the carnival. You said that you were going to buy tickets but then Leo saw you leaving. why did you leave?"

He smiled but it didn't reach his still and cold eyes. "I met Leo there and he told me he remembered. Then, I walked out knowing that you'd need time with him."

"But you could've just told me that or called me in these past days or just leave a message. You could've come visit me; you know where I live. Why didn't you?"

"Because now you have Leo again," was his reply.

"Because now I have Leo again?" I repeating questionably.

"Yeah, I mean, isn't that why you were with me? You said that you saw Leo in your dreams, that he might be the cause of them so when he told me he gained his memories back, I figured that your dreams must've stopped too."

"But that doesn't mean that we aren't friends!"

"Well, whatever. You would've forgotten me when Leo would come back. I expected him to, so I saved myself a heart-ache and walked out of your life on my own."

Tears betrayed me, running down face, over my lips as I hiccupped hard, not bothering to hide my sobs so that Conrad could actually see how hurt I was as he turned to walk away.

"I wouldn't have done that! I would've given both of you time. You both were already friends and that would've made things easier too."

He stopped walking, only to turn his head slightly towards me. "How many friends did you have when you had Leo, Claire?"

I choked on my sob, no words there to tell that he was my only friend at that time.

"Exactly," Conrad muttered. "IF you could've seen anyone but him, you would've made more friends at least a month after he forgot everything. And, as selfish as it sounds, I'd rather give you the pain than to have it for myself."

"Conrad. . . please don't say that. . ."

"I'm sorry, Claire."

"But—But what about all the things you said to me, all the promises and all the sweet things you filled my head with. Why did you—"

"I pitied you. I pitied you and decided to tell you those things. You had no joy in your life and, to be honest, that fake happiness it brought you was better for you than having none."

I was crying harder than ever as he waked away, not bothering to look back as I turned around and rushed towards my house. I didn't stop running until I saw my house frame, didn't bother to look at the people around me and their judging faces of my tear-stained face. I slammed the door behind me, locked it shut and rushed towards my bed to cry myself to sleep.

Pretty dreams, please save me.

I'm mad at Conrad, who else is?

I still haven't decided who to end Claire up with so help me decide ppl!
Conrad or Leo.