When our eyes met

Chapter fifteen

Katie

I know this may sound strange, but when Thomas said those words to me, as seductive and sexual as they were, I realized something. I realized my self-worth.

Allow me to explain:

The first real conversation he and I had was me confessing things that I had never confessed to anyone before, and he sat with me as I cried in his chest until his shirt was damp.

The second time that we talked, he had seen the scars that I had given myself and he asked me no questions. He just pulled me in and embraced me which was an apology in its self.

The third time we were together, he watched me devour ice-cream like a literal pig, and he didn't even judge me for it.

When we talked again, he was confessing his feelings to me. After seeing me sob and hurt myself, he told me he had feelings for me,

"How could he like someone as broken as me?"

"How could he confess his feelings for someone who cuts themselves instead of dealing with their emotions?"

"How could he look at me, in the mess that I am, and say "I have feelings for you"?"

Those thoughts filled my head, along with;

"This isn't going to last."

"It's because he pities you."

"You're not good enough for him."

I was confused as hell and I was more than sure he was going to screw me over, until on the first day of our relationship, he opened the car door for me and said "my lady shouldn't have to drive herself around unless she chooses otherwise". To anybody else, this statement is insignificant. It's just one of those cute things that guys say. But to me, this statement completely wiped out every doubt and negative thought that I had in my mind. This statement told me that I was good enough, that I was deserving of love and more importantly I was deserving of his love.

So, I continued to see him, this time my mind was filled with;

"You need to look good for him"

"Don't let him regret choosing you."

"You have to look better than Chloe."

My brain went from thinking I was unfit for love to thinking I needed to be perfect for somebody else.

But now, in this moment. While Thomas was talking seductively to me, I realized that I didn't need to be perfect for anyone. I didn't need to change myself to fit the image of what's good and run away from what isn't. Because even after all the times I cried and was vulnerable with him, he still looked at me with a burning desire in his eyes. He still looked at me like he wanted me and he wanted to be with me.

Just because I wasn't crying anymore or cutting myself doesn't mean those images have disappeared. They're still there and yet he still looks at me like I'm good enough because I am good enough.

Thomas said he would be my sky, and he was exactly that. He showed me I was deserving of love and allowed me to discover the rest on my own.

Thomas

I looked over to my side where Katie had thrown her head back in laughter. Genuine laughter.

Looking at her sit there happily, without the dark cloud that was always visibly hovering over her head, I realized that I had succeeded.

Katie was no longer focused on everybody else around her. She was just sitting there, enjoying a cartoon without thinking about whether or not she would be judged.

For once she was just being herself without any hesitation.

A feeling of accomplishment over took my body as I realized that I, in some way, was able to help Katie escape from all of her thoughts and be freed from the chains of self-hatred.

Suddenly, a new feeling over took my body. It was no longer accomplishment. It was something new, something I had never felt before. Something that made me aware of all my intentions. This was a new feeling that provided me with comfort and much greater determination.

This time, I didn't just think it, I knew it.

Watching Katie be comfortable and happy made me now completely sure that;

I am in love with Katie Smith and I want to continue to make her happy.

Katie

I took a long pause before saying "Thomas you really should say things you don't mean."

"Who said I don't mean it?"

"Me."

"Well I do."

His eyes told me he was telling the truth and my heart raced at the way his words made me feel.

"I love you Katie." He blurted.

A newly discovered confidence overtook my body and I came to the conclusion that I was certain of my intentions with Thomas.

However, I still chose to tease him "And I don't suppose you mean that as well?"

"It depends, do you plan on saying it back?"

I leaned in closer to him, close enough to feel his hot, nervous breath against my face, "yes" I smiled "I love you too Thomas Hamilton."

He chuckled "Good." He then put his hand over mine and we continued to watch the movie.

I know what you're thinking, "Katie, you guys just started dating, how are you so sure that you love him?". The thing is, I've never once looked at someone or something and felt comforted by it or them. I've never once been content with myself and thought I was capable of sharing everything with someone else. Until I met Thomas. He has made me feel feelings no one else ever has. I find myself happier when I am with him and discontent without him. I've never been in love, yes, but I also know that I've never longed for someone in the way that I long for Thomas.

I may be completely wrong and this could just be infatuation, but you never know until you try, right?