Jessica Snicket

The Teather

(Jessica Snicket pov)
It was friday and today was the teather. The Baudelaire must be frightened. I was getting ready for the teather. I made my hear and put on my dress.

''Jessica, are you ready?'' asked my father. I took my spyglass and went down the stairs. My father was there in a suit. ''Ready.'' I said. ''Good.'' Said my father. We went out to my father's taxi and drives to the teater.

We was finally at the teater and meet Jacquely and Gustav. ''Great guys remember, keep ears and eyes Open.'' Said Gustav.

We all went inside and found our Seat. I sat between My father and Jacquelyn. The carpet was up and the theater has started and om the stage came... Count Olaf. Everyvon clapped. I didn't want to clap but i couldn't make suspicion so i claped for the ugly man on the stage like Everyvon Else. ''Here i am, literalyy standing at the Edge of a pond.'' Said Olaf. ''He's not really standing at the Edge of a Pond. He's figuartively standing at the Edge of a pond.'' Said Gustav. ''What is a very handsome man like me to do about it...execpt perfom a lengthy soliloquy?'' Said count Olaf. I tryed my best not to listening to the man whit no acting talent on the stage. A few minutes have passed. ''Please, lady pharaohs, i am very handsome, but i am only one man.'' Said Olaf. ''By the eaters of the Nile, this very handsome man stall be mine.'' Said one off the old lady's. ''By the Snape of the pyramids, i'll kill you if i can't have him.'' Said the other old lady. ''He's so handsome.'' Said bot of the old lady's. What a Lie, What a Lie, What a Lie. This is the most boring teather ever. Not Even Mr. Poe looked like he enjoyed it. It have been an hour. This teather was so boring. The only thing that happend was a man saying he is handsome but only one man to too old lady's. ''Please, duchess. I am a very handsome, but i am only one man.'' Said Olaf. For 506 time. ''By the turrets of Gravlstein, this very handsome man shall be mine.'' Said one of the old lady's. ''By the gardens of worthington, if i can't have him, my heart will literally break.'' Said the other old lady. ''Figurativelt. My heart will figuartively break.'' Corrected Jacquelyn. ''Why, What handsome adventures i have had, only to end up at this same pond on this... day. My wedding day!'' Said Olaf. Some people started to play music and out on the stage came a judge and two children. Violet and Klaus Baudelaire. They looked like their parents. I remember one time when i talked to Beatrice and  Bertrand Baudelaire. They said they had two children(Sunny wasn' born) a girl Who was one year older than me and a boy Who was one year younger. They showed me a picture of them. The boy and the girl on the stage looked just like them. Olaf made the music stops. ''Do you...take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?'' Asked the judge. ''I do.'' Said Olaf. ''Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?'' Akses the judge. She don't i said to myself. ''I do.'' Said the girl Who i'm 100% sure was Violet Baudelaire. ''By the powers vesten in me by going to law school, i now pronounce you count and countess.'' Said the judge. The music started plaging again. Olaf tryed to kiss Violet. OMG, one day i will kill him. Olaf made the music stop. ''Ladies and gentlemen, i'd like to make an anncountcement. There is noo need to continue whit tonight's performance.'' Said Olaf. Mr. Poe started to clap. ''For its prupose has been served. This has not been a scene of fiction. My marrige to Violet Baudelaire is perfectly legal, and i am now in control of her entre fortune.'' Said Olaf. Everyvon gasped. One day i was going to kill him. ''That can't be true.'' Said the judge. ''On the contrary, judgikins, the law of the land clearly states that the beise must say i do. And all of you, ladies and gentlemen are witnesses'' said Olaf.  Seriously i really want to kill him. ''Violet is only a child. She's not old enoigh to marry.'' Said Mr. Poe. ''She is if her laga guardian allows it. And in addition to being her husband, i am also her legal guardian.'' Said Olaf. I want to give him a slow and painfull death by myself. ''But that piece of paper's not an official document. It's... it's just a stage prop.'' Said the judge. Don't change anything, i stil want to tortur him and kill him right after. ''If you look closely enough, i think you'll see that it is figuratively real.'' Said. Olaf. He means literally, right? ''Literally.'' Corected the boy Who i think is Klaus. I mean, how many time's do you see a boy Who look like's Harry Potter's missing twin brother? ''I said literally.'' Said Olaf. ''No he didn't.'' I said to the others. ''I'm afraid this marriage is entirely binding. Violet... you said i do and signed this paper in your own hand. Count Olaf, you are now Violet's legal husband.'' Said the judge. ''And?'' Asked Olaf. ''And a vile and terrible person.'' Said the judge. I mean, she' not wrong. ''A vile and Terrible person Who is in complete control of the Baudelaires' entire fortune.'' Said Olaf. Get all the knife away from me before i take one and kill count Olaf. ''This is absolutely hoorendous. I won't allow it!'' Said Mr. Poe. ''I'm afraid there's nothing you Can do.'' Said Olaf. Forget about hiding the knife's and give me on right now, i'm going to kill this man today. ''Count Olaf is correct. This marrige is legally binding.'' Said the judge. Thanks for nothing. ''I am so sorry, Baudelaires. I can't believe how easily i was tricked.'' Said the judge. ''You were easily tricked! It was child's play, winning this fortune. And now a reception to celebrate my spesial day. Hit it!'' Said Olaf. The music started again. ''God, i really hate this man.'' My father said. ''I'm going to kill him.'' I said. ''Stop.'' Screamed Harry Potter from wish.(sorry i had to do it). The music stopped. ''First, let Sunny go.'' Said the boy Who i 1000% think is Klaus. ''Where is Sunny?'' Asked the judge. ''I'm afraid she's tied up at the moment, if you'll forgive my little joke.'' Said Olaf. ''This man has never been good at jokes.'' Said Gustav. ''See, it's a little plays on words. All tied up is a firgurative'' said Olaf before Violet cut him off. ''You promised to let her go!'' Said Violet. What has Olaf done to the baby. I remember one time when i meet the Baudelaire's Beatrice was pregnant whit a baby girl. They where going to name her Sunny if it was a girl and Jack if it was a boy. ''Oh, and What kind of husban would i be if i didn't keep my promises?'' Asked Olaf. He took from an walkietalkie. ''Drop the pip-squeak to her death.'' Said Olaf. I stearinlys to god i'm going to kill him. ''No.'' Said Violet. Then we heard a sound of a wheelbarrow. Count Olaf walked away from the stage. He screamed something to someone. ''You idiot! What are you doing?'' Said Olaf. ''Well i had to bring her here. She had a straight flush.'' Said a man. I like that baby. ''So, you escaped you little dishrag. Well, i'm still married to Violet, and i will dispense whit you on our honeymoon.'' Said Olaf and walked to the stage. ''Care to dance, countess?'' Asked Olaf. That's it. Me, my father, Jacquelyn and Gustav took out our spyglasses and was ready to blast the shit out of count Olaf. ''I'm not a countess. At least i don't think i am.'' Said Violet. ''Wait.'' Said Jacquelyn. We didn't go to attack Olaf but was still ready to blast the shit out of him whit the spyglasses. ''And Why not, pray tell?'' Asked Olaf. ''I didn't sign the document in my own hand, as the law states.'' Said Violet. What? ''Don't Lie to me, oprhan. Everyvon saw you.'' Said count Olaf. ''Yes, there were several hundred witnesses, not to mention these on the mezzanine.'' Said the judge. ''But i'm right-handed, and i signed the document whit my left hand.'' Said Violet. Smart. ''Well, that dosen't count. You're just being a loser and trying to ruin my special day.'' Said Olaf. ''With all due respect, i think Justice Strauss ought to tell us if it counts.'' Said Violet. I guess the Judge name is Justice Strauss. ''That's right. That's right. I should tell you. I am a judge. Let me think.'' Said Justice strauss. Everyvon was excited for the answer. ''I don't know.'' Said Justice. ''What?'' Said Everyvon. ''Are you kidding whit me?'' I Said. I was ready to blast the shit out of Olaf whit my spyglass. ''You should never be afraid to admit that you don't know something. This is very complicated case. It would take a formidable legal scholar to slove it'' Said Justice. ''May i have a blackboard, please?'' Asked the boy Who we just call Klaus since i'm 10000% sure is klaus. ''In the respected legal tome nupital law, John locke's 1690s groundbreaking work is cited, Postulating that the kaw of the land rests on the...'' Said Klaus, i didn't Get so many Words. I just tryed to see Violet. She was really pretty and really cute. I didn't see her since she was behind the blacboard. So i just listened to Klaus. ''And so, as Martin Luther king Said. ''morality Cannot be legistlated, but behavior Can be regulated. Judicial decrees may not change the heart but they Can restrain the heartless.'' Said Klaus. ''Ah! That moral argument had all the aporcyphal insight of thurgood marshall an the moral aplomb of Ida B. Wells. It was thoroughly impressive and utterly convincing. And i am happy to say that because Violet, Who is right-handed signed the document whit her left hand, the marrige is invalid.'' Said Justice Strauss. Everyvon clapped. ''Yes.'' I Said. ''They are really smart kids.'' Said Gustav. ''Just like their parents.'' Said my father. ''They would be proud.'' Said Jacquelyn. Someone tok the blacboard away from the stage so Everyvon could see count Olaf and Violet. ''Well, you may not be my wife, but you are still my daughter.''Said Olaf. I was still ready to blast the shift out of him whit my spyglass but then Mr. Poe stand up. ''Do you honestly belive i will allow you to continue to care for these three children after the treachery i've seen here tonight? I'm Even considering firing associate as my secretary.'' Said Mr. Poe. ''Hear, hear!'' Said Jacquelyn and stand up and walked towards the stage. Me, my father and Gustav followed behind for...Idk Why. ''Jacquelyn, is that you? Where have you been?'' Asked Mr. Poe. ''I was kidnapt by count Olaf associates and tied to a tree before i could tell you that the Baudelaires' uncle, Dr. Montgomery, was designated by the parents as their legal guardian and has been waiting to hear form you.''Said Jacquelyn as we made our way to the stage. ''Dr. Montgomery?'' Asked Violet. ''I've never heard of him.'' Said Klaus. ''Well, you are hereby rehired as my secretary whit an 8% increase in salary.  The Baudelaire will be sent to a suitable quardian and this Serie of unfortunate events has Come to close.'' Said Mr.Poe and Everyvon started cheering. ''As for you count Olaf...'' Said. Mr. Poe. Then the light went off.''He is escaping.'' I Said to my father. ''Shift.'' Said my father.

We runded to the wardrobes and changed closet. We had bring entra close whit us if something happened. I was in one wardrobe and my father in another one Which was good beacous the light Come on. When we was finish changing closet we mad our way back to the stage. We saw Justice looking at something. We went up to her. ''What are you looking at?'' I asked. She pointet at the V.F.D. Tunnels. Whery much people have left so me and my dad decided to go down. ''Ready?'' My father asked. ''Ready.'' I answerd. ''Let's find count Olaf.'' Said my father and we started walking.