Blinded by Color

Chapter 24 Tiffany

It's been four days since Daniel and I went out, and we have been inseparable. I cannot believe I waited so long to reel him in. He is the perfect gentleman, and I am incredibly comfortable around him. I cannot get him off my mind ever. This man is everything I could ever want in a human. I checked my Apple watch more than my pager these days just to see if he texted me. By six pm, I was doing my rounds, checking on patients, when my watch pinged, and I looked to see if it was Daniel. It was my mom.

"Tiffany, this is urgent. I need you to call me as soon as you are free."

I hit the auto-reply on the watch "OK" and finished my rounds. I wasn't sure what could be so urgent. There was really nothing ever going on in her life. I would know if there was; we tell each other everything. I was free around nine pm and grabbed my phone from my locker to call mom back.

"Hello." She always answers with the same hello like she doesn't know who is calling her.

"Mom, hey, I don't have a lot of time. What's going on?" She was starting to cry, and I could hear it in her voice she was doing her best to hide it. "Mom, are you okay?"

As she was trying to get herself together, the words fell off her tongue, "Your father had a heart attack, Tiffany. He is at Northwestern Memorial, and I am all but losing my mind. These doctors rushed him into surgery, and I haven't heard anything. They told me his aortas were separating, and they found holes on his heart like a sponge, and oh my God, Tiffany, if I lose him, oh my..."

She was crying loudly now, and I knew it was serious. I had to get off the phone and get to the hospital. I let my supervisor know what was going on, and then I texted Daniel. He worked at Northwestern Memorial, and I knew he could give me inside information. I was on my way to the north side when I got a reply from Daniel letting me know my father was in critical condition and they didn't know if he would make it through surgery. He advised me in medical terms that my father might be a vegetable. I could barely drive. I was crying and panicking, and my brain normally works really well under pressure, but this was different; this was my dad. Damian Lyons was the best father figure ever. He took my mom and me in when I was still in the womb. My real father was in my life when he could be, but he was married. My mother never kept this information from me. She allowed me to decide how close we were. I was happy that he came to pick me up and took me for ice-cream or attended my dance recitals on all his business trips to Chicago. He was such a fun guy, and he always made me laugh. He would bring me gifts and give my mom money for anything I needed. He was always polite to Damian and thanked him for doing such a great job raising his baby girl. My birth father, Tony, was an investment banker. He worked a lot and lived in Florida. I never asked him many questions about his life. I had Damian. Damian was there for everything. He didn't come and go. He lived with me. He taught me how to walk, talk, eat, hold a spoon, manage money, and do well in school. Damian was amazing and treated my mom like a queen. He taught me the way a woman should be treated. He never let me forget that mommy and I were important and deserved the best. He was at every parent-teacher conference and college visit. He came on field trips and took me shopping. Damian was a dad, and he was my dad. My real father died when I was just thirteen. I remember when my mom came to my room to tell me. I had just spent the weekend before with him. I couldn't believe it. Murdered? I still remember being shocked. I remember asking my mom to save me any newspaper articles she had pertaining to my fathers' death. I learned from those papers that I had a brother and sister. I couldn't believe my dad never told me about them. Jerimiah and Kayla! They were younger than me, and I wondered what they thought about me. It was a super cold rainy day when my mom sat me down and explained to me that he was married. He had a wife and a family and couldn't tell anyone about me. I was a secret. I figured back then it was just because I was the product of an affair but learned later that it had a lot to do with the color of my skin. This news kept me from reaching out to my siblings. I get enough racism in my face just walking down the street; I didn't need it from an estranged family. My mother always left it up to me to reach out to them and make a relationship, but I never felt the need. In fact, Damian was such a good father I didn't miss my dad all that much. I embraced Damian as my father and moved on. It's not like I saw my father all that much. My mother had several photos of us together when I was younger. I still have an entire album dedicated to our relationship, but I never visit it. It remains in my old bedroom at my parents' house. Before my father passed, Damian got his permission to adopt me. I gratefully accepted the news of the adoption and considered myself a Lyons. My mother thought it best to keep my father's last name as my middle name. There it was on my new birth certificate, Tiffany Gray Lyons. The news of Damian being in the hospital from cardiac arrest is excruciating compared to my birth father. Just because we share DNA doesn't make him my dad. We are just related. I have nothing but positive memories about him, but he kept me a secret because I was black. I'm not sure I can ever grasp that concept. Damian has never denied me!

****

I parked by the front entrance and ran inside. I already knew where I was going, I had interned here, and I was aware of the hospital's layout. I texted Daniel that I had arrived at the hospital and would be in the cardiology unit. When I got off the elevator, my mom was there on the floor, inconsolable. I couldn't get to her fast enough, and I told the doctor holding her I was her daughter and introduced myself. The doctor looked at me and apologized.

"Sorry for what?" It was as if I forgot how to speak doctor at that moment. When I realized what was going on, I lost it with my mom on the floor. I cannot remember how or when I ended up in an empty hospital bed, but I was in Daniel's arms when I came to.

"Hey, you. Can I get you anything?" I was beyond dreary and felt sick. I was hoping I just woke up from a bad dream, but I knew that wasn't the case. Daniel is here; I am in a hospital. It was real; it was very real. My father, Damian Lyons, didn't make it.

"Daniel, where is my mom?" He rubbed my back, put a finger to his lips to shush me, and pointed to the bed across the room. My mother was sleeping like a baby, tissues still in her hand. I couldn't believe this was happening. Damian was supposed to see me finish my residency. He still needed to walk me down the aisle and give me away. How could this have happened? I couldn't even accept it for the medical reasons. I was blaming everyone in the hospital and screaming at the doctors. Daniel said it was bad enough that they gave both me and my mom a sedative and put us in this room to sleep it off. The pain my patient's families go through is now very real. I just walked in their shoes. I just stood in that waiting room holding a grieving widow, my mother. I was that person who was always on the other side, the one who said, "I am sorry," not the other way around. Tears filled my eyes, and I leaned over on Daniel's chest and begged him to tell me it wasn't true. I knew it was; I just didn't want to be true, and a part of me thought that somehow, someway, Daniel could fix it. My legs were not stable enough to walk after the sedative, and Daniel recommended I stay put in the bed. He brought me some coffee and a bagel, but I couldn't eat. I felt like a part of me was gone forever, and I couldn't begin to comprehend my new life without my father. I needed him. Mom needed him. We needed him!