Nesta was struck when she heard her sister say those words. She didn't move or speak when Gwyn ran out. She couldn't. It was her idea to invite Gwyn. Gwyn had been healing so much since the last few months and her wounds were finally becoming scars but after today, she knew that those old wounds had been ripped open in the worst possible way.
She felt angry at Elain for saying those words but more than that, she was guilty. She was the one who invited Gwyn. Nesta's eyes became empty and Cassian saw that before taking her out of the room and flying off somewhere.
Elain was crying. No one said or talked to her. Feyre and Rhys walked out of the room and then Mor and Emerie winnowed away. Leaving Elain and Azriel.
Azriel should have gone after Gwyn, his shadows were trying so hard to pull him from his spot, but Elain needed him. He assured them but they were still restless, knowing that something had gone terribly and utterly wrong.
To his surprise then Elain started crying and he immediately went to hug her. No matter how much the shadows tried to pull him back. "I-I'm so sorry Az, I didn't mean a word of it, I really didn't" She said in between her sobs.
"Shh, it's alright, I understand". He said even though he didn't. He had never said anything so hurtful to anyone. Of course he had tortured many people but only physically, never mentally. Cause mental torture is so much worse than anything physical. Your worst fears come to life through mental tortures. He knew that.
He just held her for a long time when he knew he should've gone after Gwyn, who needed him the most right now.
Gwyn right now was utterly in darkness. No, she didn't think the words Elain said were false, they were true and she knew that. The fact that they were true hurted her more than anything.
She could never repay Rhys' kindness. She could never pay them back. She couldn't save her sister. What was she even good for? She thought to herself and those old thoughts of leaving the world started entering her mind.
But she didn't let them. She cried and cried but not once give in to those thoughts and think about them. Elain was right and she could never prove her wrong. But what she could do, is prove herself right.
She could become a warrior in exchange for the services she gets at the house. She didn't want to be in someone's debt anymore. She didn't want to be dependent. She wanted to be her own person. And even if she died while working for Rhys, she didn't care. Cause she never made a difference in this world. The world won't stop revolving just because she's dead.
She won't give up so easily. She would never yield. Even in training. She would never yield, she always found another way and this was no different.
She didn't talk to anyone for a few days, didn't come to training. She read about spies and what they do and tried to learn her best. She spent all the time in her Library but then she felt his presence there.
His shadows came towards her to play but stopped, cause they sensed and understood her grief and knew they couldn't help her in any way.
She finally turned around to find the shadowsinger, he was nervous and couldn't meet her gaze. She stood up and nodded. "Shadowsinger" She said. "Gwyn-", "Gwyneth, my name is Gwyneth". "How are you? ", he simply asked, not knowing how dangerous her answer could be.
"I'm as well as I could be, but I need to talk to you" She said and gestured him to follow her to her room. He did. Gwyn's eyes finally softened now, not like the eyes she had outside, which were dead and had no hope. "I'd like to see all your shadows at once", She said. "My shadows? What does that have to-" He was cut off by her eyes begging him to do so.
The room was filled with shadows trying to play with Gwyn's hair and make her smile. She finally smiled after what felt like days. Azriel's heart melted at her smile but she always used to giggle when the shadows were around, she didn't this time.
The shadows were swaying at her feet, playing with her hair and doing everything to make her feel better. "I have to talk to you all", she said to all the shadows. They all stopped, observing the change in her tone. Azriel didn't know what happened, his shadows never stopped. They were always doing anything and everything and literally the opposite of whatever he said but they listened to her.
"I'm afraid we have to say goodbye. I love you all very dearly but I think it's time for you to find a new girl to laugh. It should be Elain. " She said and the shadows started to fly in the room, a clear sign that they were angry. Azriel started to speak but she dismissed him with a mere hand.
"I will always have a special place in my heart for you, but please find another girl whom you would be happy playing with, a girl who is Elain, because we cannot spend any more time with each other. You should get to know her, not me. She's the one who deserves you, not me. " She said and the shadows were more restless than ever but Azriel silenced them.
"I guess this is goodbye" She said to Az before he could near and pointed to her door. "I'm sorry" She said, her voice breaking and tears on the verge of coming out. Azriel obeyed. Not knowing what else he could do. He would never disrespect her choices or wishes. Even though every ounce in his body was telling him to do so just this once.
When he walked out he looked at the door again, his eyes begging for Gwyn to stop him. "Goodbye Azriel" She said before gently shutting the door and leaning down on it. She had mastered the art of not making any noise while crying. Only silent tears came out of her eyes.
Azriel wanted to break something, anything. Just so that he could avoid the hollow feeling that was forming in his heart, the hollow which used to be filled by Gwyn's presence.
The next morning he didn't go to train but when straight to Rhys' townhouse, surprised to see Gwyn all packed up there. In her Valkyrie leathers. "You're leaving? " He asked. Rhys answered for her. "Yes, but for a short period of time. She is going to Tarquin's court to maintain our relations with the summer court and train some warriors as Tarquin is running short on them. "
"You're sending her alone? ", He asked in a deadly voice. Rhys didn't reply to that. "I'll go with her" He declared. Gwyn's eyes finally shot to his, finally acknowloging he was even there in the first place. "Gwyn that would be a good idea. If there are any problems, he'll help you. And he already knows how to be a trainer and can help you, but if you are uncomfortable then he won't go". Rhys replied.
"No, it's fine, just pack your bags fast, we're leaving by 12." She said in a warrior's tone. No sign of hesitation and low confidence. Then Elain suddenly entered the room. "Morning Az" She said to Azriel. Not even bothering to acknowledge Gwyn or apologize. Azriel was surprised that she wasn't already at Gwyn's feet begging for her forgiveness.
"What's going on? ", she asked while rubbing her eyes. "Azriel is leaving for the summer court" Rhys replied. Apparently in the mood for some drama. "Oh. Can I go too? ", "I don't think we'll have any use for you there" Gwyn told her bitterly.
"But I could charm Tarquin and maybe our relations could get better", "That's not how this wor-", "Actually, it's a great idea" Rhys interrupted before Gwyn could finish her sentence.
Azriel shot him a death glare but he could care less. "We already have severed relations with Lucien right now, we can't afford to loose any more allies" He said, although he sounded quite excited.
"Fine, pack light, we leave by 12" Gwyn said to Elain before walking out of the room.
They all were ready to leave and they met in front of Rhys' townhouse. Azriel extended his hand to both of them and Gwyn hugged his neck. "I think we would be better winnowing", Elain said. "It would be faster" Azriel said, a hint of amusement in his eyes. "Fine" Gwyn replied and they winnowed off to the summer court.
