Break my shell~Ricky Bowen

6.

Famous, Ryan would often spend her nights dreaming about her songs being well known. The urge to post her song to the internet became stronger and we started to feel excitement over the idea.

After rehearsals, Ryan fled straight home not in the mood to talk to anyone other than her sister. Her sister was the only person who could relate to her life, she did witness it. So she knew that her sister would be able to relate to the feeling she was experiencing.

"Sacha!" Ryan screamed continously until she finally heard a huge dramatic groan.

"I swear to God Ryan, what." Sacha stated whilst dragging herself down the stairs and sitting lazily on the living room couch.

"Stop being dramatic, I actually have good news for you." Ryan grinned, she actually grinned. She hadn't been this genuinely happy in a long time. She knew it wouldn't last long be the feeling was quite unique and euphoric.

Sacha played attention to her sister's mood and was very surprised to say the least, she grew curious as to why her sister was so jumpy.

"Yesterday, I created a YouTube channel called Harmony Andrews, Ricky's idea, and I have a draft of me singing my song, my fucking song bro, it was all for a laugh Sacha but what if I post it and it gets big, I get big."

Sacha was shocked at this, she knew Ryan was talented but she never thought she was ready to reveal her work to the world, not that she was bad at songwriting it's just the internet was a horrid place and sooner or later it'll knock you down even if you are the most confident person on the world. She didn't want her sister to feel small over people she would never meet.

"How many dislikes could it get?"

Ryan looked at her sister like she was crazy but answered anyway. "Probably a  couple thousand, why"

"Could it get any hate comments"

"I don't know, if my video went viral do you honestly think I'd waste my time staring at the hate.."

"Yeah- no..right, I'm sorry I just like looking at the negative," Sacha wasn't ready for that discussion, "I'm proud of you, I hope you upload it."

"I think I will. It was the song that I started writing a couple days ago, about wanting to jump of a rooftop to feel free," Ryan started which frightened Sacha, has her sister been having sucidial this whole time and she had not realized. "But when I wrote abut it and reached into my vulnerable side, I felt free from just opening up about it, and so many people feel this way. Sacha this might be my thing"

Feeling emotionally over her little sister maturing she wiped a tear pulling her sister into a much needed hug.

"Okay okay, stop this cringey shit, I feel inspired." Ryan broke the hug, kissing her sister's cheek and leaving to go write in her bedroom.

---

Ryan sat on her bedroom in her stay at home clothes, staring at the window with her guitar in her hand. She had turnt her phone off as an annoying someone kept calling her.

She looked through her songwriting book for some sort of inspiration and was amazed with on lyric that had been written down.

'when you were here before, couldn't look you in the eye'

She couldn't write remember why or how it had came to be but she used the line to write what ever she could and soon she had a full song. A song that weirdly anyone could relate to.

However big or small, pretty or ugly you felt or deemed yourself to be there would always be something or someone who you considered better than. Either you wanted to be them or you wanted them to notice you. The more time you spent spiraling to be that person or to be their friend the more you accepted the fact that they were better. You soon thought of yourself as a creep.