𝚂𝚃𝙴𝙰𝙻𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚂𝙴𝙲𝚁𝙴𝚃𝚂

22

Y/N had to take a break after a while. She had no idea how much time she had spent reading and she was feeling sick. Maybe she should have rested up instead of reading all of that. It had started out with some of the things she had already known, but then it just built onto it more and more and Y/N was feeling sicker and sicker as she kept reading, her mind was getting dizzy, but she couldn't stop, it felt like she was being pulled into this strange new world.

But it seemed that after all this world wasn't even so new. Apparently the world she had been pulled into was the one she had always lived in. Everyone had just been lying about it all this time. Well, not really lying. They had been ignorant, of course, but calling it lying wasn't right either. Y/N herself hadn't known about any of this. She wouldn't even have thought that anything like this could be true.

Sure, she had been playing with the thought that there might be other people living outside the walls, maybe some small group who knew how to keep the Titans at bay or who were living inside some walls as well. But what she had been reading was going way beyond her wildest imagination. She never would have thought that... Y/N didn't even know where to start with that. It was all making a lot of sense and at the same time it was making no sense at all.

She wasn't sure what to make of it all - the island of Paradis, Eldians who could be turned into Titans and whose royal family had the ability to turn into Titans at will, Marley, using Titans as weapons, the brainwashing, making people forget everything that happened before the Walls were built... it all didn't make a lot of sense to her. And once she closed the book, it almost felt like she had maybe been imagining all of that.

She glanced down at the book, wondering whether it was maybe all a lie, whether it was all made up for some reason, but every detail about the walls was correct and it made sense with all the other books she had read. It fit in so well, it couldn't possibly be something fabricated. For a second she wanted to open it up again, to read and make sure that she had actually read what she had read and hadn't just fallen asleep and dreamt it all up, but as soon as she thought about reading this again, her head started spinning. She was not feeling good.

She put the book aside and stumbled towards the door that led back into the main house. She listened for a second, but couldn't hear anything which meant that Levi had to still be asleep and that no one had broken into the place as of yet. Which was good, but it did feel a bit like the calm before the storm. And with what she had learned just now, Y/N wasn't really sure whether she would ever be the same again. She couldn't see herself going through the world with that kind of knowledge and just keeping quiet about it, never telling anyone about it at all.

Maybe she should start with telling Levi. He deserved to know, after all. He had not been happy with her stealing all those books in such a short time, but he had to at least know that something came of it, didn't he? Y/N would feel bad if she never even told him anything about what she had found out. Maybe it was also because she didn't want to be alone with that kind of knowledge.

She quickly opened the door and left the library, closing the door before turning around to check whether Levi was still there. She saw him just sitting up and rubbing his eyes sleepily. He blinked a few times, before giving her a confused look, that quickly turned into a shocked expression. Y/N had almost forgotten that she was covered in cuts and bruises, but now she remembered and tried to hide her face somehow. Not that it was working very well - despite, it was too late anyway.

"Y/N, what... since when have you been back? What the hell happened to you?" he wanted to know, quickly getting up and rushing over to her. Y/N waved it all off and tried to put on a smile, even though her head was pounding with pain. She didn't need Levi to worry about her right now, she needed to tell him about everything that she had just learned and she needed to do it soon.

Y/N knew exactly that this was the kind of information that people were killed for - and she could see why everyone thought these things should stay a secret. She almost wished that she could go back to not knowing all of this, that she could forget it all and live just the same way as before. But she had gone and made her mistake and now she had to somehow deal with it, even though she had no idea how to make sense of it all. It was like she had shaken up her entire world and the only person to blame for it was her. She had done this to herself, plain and easy.

"I'm fine, Levi. Don't worry about me. Military police got me, trying to get something out of me. I didn't tell them anything, obviously." she answered, hugging him gently, because anything else was painful. She wished she could hug him as tight as she wanted, she wished she could kiss him and hold him for the rest of her life, however long that might be. But it hurt too much physically.

"Why didn't you wake me? I could have helped you take care of all this." Levi wanted to know, brushing some strands of hair out of her face and kissing her neck and her face softly. Y/N took in his scent - Levi always smelled so fresh and clean compared to everything down here. She loved his scent, it was intoxicating and soothing.

"You looked so peaceful. I didn't want to bother you, really. Honestly, I'm okay, it hurts a lot, but it'll be fine. Listen..." Y/N started, but she got interrupted. Levi looked angry and upset, but not with her.

"Damn it, I wish I could kill those bastards. I really wish I was there. I would have killed them." he growled, as he gently touched one of the bruises on her face. Y/N barely felt the pain when he touched it, she just was so glad to see that he still cared about her this much. She didn't want him to kill anyone for her, but the fact that he was willing to go that far... that he had done that before... she felt a tear slipping out of her eye and rolling down her cheek, as she looked into his beautiful grey eyes.

"Levi, listen, I... I have to tell you something. It's really important and..." Y/N started, but then she stopped. What the hell was she even doing? Levi was already so angry at the world. And hadn't she just realized that learning about all of this had shaken up her entire world? She was still sick from it, after all this time now. Was it really a good idea to tell him? She'd be putting him in danger, as well. The military police were already after her and if they somehow found out that he knew all of it, as well... did she really want to risk that just for a little peace of mind?

No. No, she wasn't going to tell him. There was no way that she could ever forgive herself if anything happened to Levi just because she couldn't keep her mouth shut. There was no way she could make him feel just as awful about it as she did. She couldn't do that to him. Besides, she was probably going to get murdered soon anyway. It was just a question of time at this point.

"What is it? What did you want to say?" he asked her. Y/N shook her head. No. She wasn't going to tell him.

"I don't think now is the right time. Let's just... let's just go and get some sleep together, okay? We can talk another time. How about we meet tomorrow night, at the usual place? It would be nice for a bit of a talk. What do you think?" she suggested. Levi gave her a slightly confused look, before smiling a little.

"Sure. Sure, that sounds good. Let's do that. Can I stay here tonight, though?" he wanted to know. Y/N smiled and nodded. Of course he could stay here. She wished he could stay with her forever, but if that happened, she knew that the military police would just kill him with her. They didn't care too much. And she was going to make sure that that didn't happen and if it was the last thing she'd do.