𝚂𝚃𝙴𝙰𝙻𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚂𝙴𝙲𝚁𝙴𝚃𝚂

25

Levi had been losing all feeling for time for a while after Y/N died. He seemed to sleep most of his day away and when he was awake he could barely get himself to leave his bed. The only reason he ever went anywhere was because of Isabel and Farlan. And even then it was difficult for him to go anywhere. It was just like the world wasn't really the same anymore. Not without Y/N.

When he was awake he was either staring at the ceiling being angry or indifferent to everything or he was reading her letter over and over and over again until the letters were blurring and he was finally able to cry about her once more. Normally he seemed to be unable to cry and then he just got angry. He got so damn angry until he was scaring himself with it.

It was really Isabel and Farlan that were getting him back to normal. They were trying to get him out of bed and whenever they were succeeding things seemed a little easier for a while. When he was moving around and doing something else and things turned out well and no one died - that's when he got a little bit of hope back. Hope that maybe everything wasn't going to be bleak forever. Hope that things would turn out well for him and Isabel and Farlan. That nothing would happen to them. That he would be able to protect them in the future. That was his plan.

It took a good while until he got out more out of his own free will. But again, every time he was doing something, everything seemed to get a little easier. If anyone had told him that it would be like that right after Y/N had died... after she had been murdered, he would have laughed right in their faces. And then he would have probably punched them whether it was a good idea or not. But now, after a while, he was seeing how things did get better. He had to move on and he could move on more easily with every passing day. He still had bad days, but they were getting fewer.

What was also helping was the way that Farlan and Isabel seemed very relieved at seeing him get out of bed again. He didn't want to put any more pressure on them. They already had to take care of themselves, they didn't need to take care of him on top of that. At some point he would repay them and protect them. He'd make sure that they would be okay, as long as they were around him. He had promised himself that much and it was also what Y/N would have wanted.

He was thinking of her again as he was turning the note over in one of his hands. He hadn't looked at it in a while, because it always made him very sad to read it, but it made him feel good to just know it was there and to hold it in his hands. It calmed him down. And lately he had been thinking of all the good times he had with Y/N instead of finding her in a pool of her own blood. Maybe he was healing, he wasn't sure. He had never thought about it much, what mattered to him was that he was going to be functioning again. That he could move on without being haunted by her.

"You look pretty happy today." Farlan commented, as he was coming down the stairs. Levi looked up from the spot on the floor he had been eyeing for the last few minutes. He hadn't even noticed that there was a slight smile on his lips, but when he realized it, he just smiled more. It was good to see that he was feeling better. What had happened to Y/N was unfair, but everything in this world was unfair. She had made a decision and she had suffered the consequences.

It was an easy enough way to think about it, even though Levi wasn't quite sure whether it was right to rationalize it like that. He felt a little guilty about it. But it was the truth. She had made her decision and she knew full well that she might die for it, but she had been willing to pay that price. And none of this was ever about Levi after all. It was about her and her family and what she wanted out of life.

"Yeah... I guess I am." Levi said. He glanced at the table where his cup of tea was standing. He had been waiting to let it cool down a little and he just now realized that he had completely forgotten about it. He put down the note on the table, not taking his eyes off of it and took the cup in his hands. It was still warm. Seemed like today was his lucky day, after all.

"Tea still good?" Farlan wanted to know, as he sat down at the table opposite him. Levi could see his eyes going to the note. Of course he'd be curious about it. Levi hadn't let this note out of his sight for the last few months and no one had been brave enough to ask him about it, either.

"Not sure. Haven't tasted it yet. But it's still warm, anyway." he answered, before taking a sip and closing his eyes to fully taste every little flavour. It was some damn good tea. It was fairly expensive tea that they had stolen from a small shipment of supplies for the higher military police officers. The fact that he had stolen it from those bastards made it taste even sweeter than usual.

"And? Your verdict?" Farlan wanted to know. Levi nodded with satisfaction and put the teacup back down.

"Very good." he answered. Farlan nodded appreciatively. He wasn't a huge tea fan, definitely not as obsessed about it as Levi was, but he enjoyed a nice cup of tea from time to time and that was really all that Levi could ask for. Plus, that left more tea for him to drink around the house.

"Say, if you don't mind me asking... Isabel and I've been wondering about that note. You've had it ever since... since you know what. What is it?" he finally said, gesturing towards the note on the table. Levi glanced down at it again and smiled. Seeing the paper and the handwriting reminded him a lot of Y/N - but mostly all the good times they had, holed up in her study, as he was trying to learn how to read.

"Y/N had it on her. Go ahead and read it if you want to." he answered. He hadn't really been sure why he was suddenly okay with it, but he figured if he couldn't trust Farlan and Isabel with this, he couldn't trust anyone with anything anymore. Maybe it was worth taking the risk of showing them.

Farlan gave him a questioning look, as if he wasn't sure whether he should actually go for it or whether it might be a trap, but he finally reached out and took the note, unfolding the paper carefully and bending down to read the small letters on the paper. Levi knew the contents of it by heart now.

Levi,

If you're reading this I'm most likely dead or (which is less likely) had to leave and won't be able to return. I hope you didn't have to find me dead and in a pool of my own blood, but unfortunately that's the most likely scenario.

Please don't feel guilty about any of this. I know how much responsibility you take for everyone around you, but there was nothing you could have done to prevent this. It was my decision and I'm glad I made it. I have managed to learn so much about the world out there, but I won't repeat it to you. It would be dangerous.

Just this one thing: There is so much more outside the walls than you might think. There is a whole world out there, Levi. If you ever get a chance to see it, please think of me. I love you. I'll always love you. And if there is some sort of heaven or afterlife, then I hope I'll be able to watch over you.

Please take care of Isabel and Farlan and most of all, take care of yourself.

-Y/N.

Levi watched Farlan fold the note back up and put it down on the table. He was looking at the spot where it was lying before he glanced back up at Levi. He seemed like he wasn't quite sure how to react to that.

"She really did what she thought was her purpose, didn't she? And she really loved you." he said quietly. Levi nodded.

"Yeah. She died for something she believed in. And she really loved me, and I really loved her."