Thoughts

Mask

Ask yourself? How much do you know?You know the basics , Your favorite color is what you do.But I'm not just talking about that deeper.Who are you attractive to ? What do I identify as?Younger without a problem I could answer that with ease.Looking back maybe not So much.Maybe forgetting my name yea....spelling, reading,then who am I?Is my name Kristal? Izumi? I'm straight? Right?
But I don't feel like a girl, maybe I'm a boy?
No, that's not right.
I don't feel male.Nor female.Am I a mistake?Do I need to fix myself?What if I don't exist?The universe might have made a mistake and there are two of me, one perfect, the other a freak.Freak.What I should be called?I wanna be normal, be the perfect kid everyone sees.What if normal is the problem?No!
The universe once said " I was the light."
No...
I'm not. I'm just a simple person living in fear far away from the light.Just knowing I'm a chicken for not wanting to face my fears.MAYBE I'M JUST A BIG PROBLEM! Just sitting doing nothing with my life going nowhere.I'm forgetting who I once was.
What happened to me having a simple life?People have tried to help me but I push them away.I help people but when I need help I keep a smile never breaking it.Looking weak is like saying you lost the battle.A battle I'll never win...never take of the mask.When I get in trouble.Keep laughing about it.Yelled at.Yes ma'am.when people hurt me.Yep it's fine.But deep down I desire to cry feel pain yell back.But then going back to what I wanna spit out my mask breaks I let my emotions get the best of me.crack.
I still remember that day as if it were yesterday.
Why are you sad?
Oh I'm just mad at myself.
Really what's the reason?
I made a mistake?
When I was your age I didn't really need to worry about that stuff?
So close but yet so far from the truth.Maybe I need to hide it more.wear the mask.For now I'm just a girl.When I don't wanna be.Then I have to deal with finding a boyfriend when I don't really like boys I like everyone.I just want somebody to care for me for me and not telling me who I should be.Maybe someone won't make fun of me on how I read or spell.I just a wanna break in life from all this drama.