Thoughts

Hurt

Does my Mum care about me? I know she does but it makes me mad when her mom is here and she pushes me aside.You might say "Your just jealous,"
But when she puts me ⏃ side I mean she doesn't feed me accepts me to feed myself,Just yells at me about how bad of ⏃ daughter I am,Try to come out to her but always just talks to my grandmother and expect me to do everything right.Then people just laugh at me because to them my mother is innocent but I'm the monster.Then I say can I cut my hair like ⏃ boys cut then she say no we don't have the money for that but you do have the money to buy ⏃ new purse to take your mum to see whatever she wants.But I can't tag along and I'm just stuck at home.Then my father doesn't help much always say I can't get mad I have ⏃ medical thing.I ask him if he could take me anywhere no.It's always my brother and sister taking me places and feeding me.At this point there tired and tell me to make my own food when there is clearly no food at the house.The other day I got upset but kept it to myself my mother said I could eat unless I changed my attitude.I just wanna leave but I know they love me.Do they?Then again school doesn't make it even better. Kids laugh at me for liking history.Then the reason I'm upset is because I have to hear my dead name.And I told my whole class my name is Kai they all didn't care and used my dead name.When I got home to see my band schedule I saw my name Kai I started crying out of joy that how happy I was.I tried telling some of my teach that I prefer that name but never ended but doing it.I'm really wanting to just pull the trigger.