Thoughts

Scapts

These are all the incomplete Episodes I've had
Exiled
Sometimes I feel like I'm in a land and there is no one.But somewhere maybe a whole plots of land.
with more people.What if I told you this was real? What if I told you I was banned from life in paradise.Sure I was annoying , batty , dare I say speaking too much with words.Then if that's real then how did I get to that sad iland.I was exiled....by who? My "So called Friend".They said I deserved it because I always speak when I'm not supposed to and I care too much for my disc...thing is my disc is too important. Call me selfish but I have given up my freedom... No, not just my freedom, my whole nation's freedom.
How can I relate to Tommyinnit?
Well we both lost something important.Speaking is the most reason we get in trouble.Both are almost exiled in a way.
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Reality?
I made this world up in my mind. It's perfect I have a supportive loving family.People who love me for me.
I have this whole place and no problems.I wish I could stay there forever but I can't.Once I found tnt in the ground.I was terrified so I ran.I know I'm not the best at times but I ran to the Forest and I don't know what to do I'm scared.the leaders aren't any better.I thought things would be fine.
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I don't deserve you
I'm sorry Braden this is the last thing I wanted...I didn't wanna force you.I'm so sorry.I get if you never want to talk to me again.I never meant for it to go this far.I know you're not ready.I don't wanna cause you anymore pain.I didn't want any of this.I love you but it breaks my heart.I hope you aren't to mad at me.I sorry...I didn't want you to feel like you did something wrong.I'm waiting and I always will be.I didn't wanna force you into any of this.If I would have kept my mouth shut...maybe you would have still wanted to be my friend or whatever you saw me as.Im gonna let go.I know you say you don't care but I know you do at least I think...
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Why I like you
Out of all the people you are special.I'm saying you make me feel happy about living.Your an amazing person.I love everything about you.Your creative with your stories.And I love to hear you go on rants about it.It makes you seem friendly to be around your not afraid to speak your mind.If I had nobody you let me talk to you.And your supportive and I appreciate that.Your an incredible person.
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Crush?
You make me feel like I'm ⏃ good person.Make me laugh talking to you is more better than playing music.You make me feel happy to be here.When you said you'll always be here for me.I hope you mean it.You make me want to be ⏃ better person.I appreciate the things you do for me.
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Cheer
I'm sorry I don't want to make you feel like that.I was really stressed out with everything that was going.The last thing I wanted to do was make you feel upset that I wasn't going to practice.I really did enjoy cheer and thought I had time for it but I guess I didn't.I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you.But I was shocked when I heard it and didn't say anything.I'm trying to find time and give you back the uniform as soon I can.I just want you to know the reason I can't do cheer is because I don't have time not because I don't like it.
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Why?
What can I have in life that will impress my parents? Honestly I can do nothing. I'm gonna say it , they don't care for me anymore, they rely on my brother to take care of me.I don't care about their family they don't care about me honestly I don't want to go to church I hate everyone their all of them are homophobic...I just wanna go leave this life.I would be more happy if I just die.Just because I have candy they think they can just have it.Then you yell at me because that was all my candy and just because I live in your house doesn't mean it's your my father hit me and it left ⏃ really bad brues it hurt a lot and he threaten to kick me out of the house and take everything I love.I don't care he can do muffin himself for all I care.He just wants to kill me Some please help me..I'm going to die and I don't think it's ⏃ joke anymore one day he will kill me.Over candy that was mine It wasn't even that much and they took all of it.Bro I don't even think I'm safe.I'm scared....
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Why not.
Help...That the only word that I can really think of I'm stress out of my mind and I don't know what to do at this point my life is ⏃ mess.In the car my mother told me her and my father are getting ⏃ divorce.I get why my fathers ⏃ terrible person but still.And my mother think I could take care of myself.I can't...I'm just ⏃ kid.I DONT KNOW WHO I AM.I'm tired with life.I just wanna kill myself.I'm so done.If my life want already ⏃ mess let's add more neglect.No when is ever home I was already taking care of myself.But my mother is really the only one who takes care of me.At this point she thinks my sibling are made out of money.They can't always get me food.So I'm only gonna eat at lunch.I really just wanna kill myself.Maybe if I wasn't born all of these preoblems wouldn't have happened maybe they would have been happier.No one in my life really loves me they only take pity on me.They see how fucked up my life is and stay because they think they can make my life better.I mean I've already tried but some work and some failed.
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I'm done
Look I'm done with you.Not you the reader tegan.I'm done with your for a lot of reasons you told The cheer coach how I didn't like cheer which is not true and I'm honestly not ok with that.It was my decision to tell her not you.You stress me out the most because I never have time to do anything and you expect me to do all the time I missed and make me feel like I'm ⏃ terrible person.
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Hate
Why? Why? Why! I live in a house that won't except me know I realized my father won't let me cut my hair he's ⏃ ashamed of me.He wants me to go to church and be a girl but I'm not and he forces kids to do what's "best for them".If I go to classes I'm just going to cry I have to hear my dead name.And I'm scared to come out to them because they will just send me away to be "normal" I hate the church I go to because there homophobic.They made sure none of us will get the thought of ⏃ women with ⏃ women or ⏃ man with ⏃ man.I have to sit in silence getting missed gendered because I can't cut my hair.The only thing that Jesus ever did for me was pain and suffering.My parents don't care for what I think.It makes me mad I can't have ⏃ say in anything anymore.
I'm in ⏃ bathroom with ⏃ pair of scissors debating if I really want to cut my hair.I'm done with everybody say I can't have any say in anything.My father says he's such ⏃ saint.he's not all he does is forces people into religion.Sunday is the one day my friends aren't busy.I don't wanna go to do it.
I'm just having and identity crisis I know I'm not ⏃ girl but when I look in the mirror I see ⏃ girl
And it bothers me I don't wanna be ⏃ girl I just wanna be me.
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Melt down
when I feel like this I lock myself into a bathroom I ask myself the same questions "Why does no one love me?"
Is it Because I'm a freak.