Dark Chocolate (complete) 18+ (womanxwoman) (1st book in Dark Chocolate series)

Chapter 13: Pick up your feelings

The entire ride home, I'm livid. I call Dre in hopes of him saying something funny or smart. Something that'll honestly calm me the fuck down or something.

Dre: Dis Aura bitch gotta go. She doing way too much. Dis whole revenge thing is so tired.  It's making me think too much. I don't like that

Me: Yeah I'm not with the whole manipulative mind fuckery shit either.

Dre: As for Fin...girl. You just said you love her. You gonna give up just like that? She said this last girl didn't know about anything. That means Aura or the freaky shit. You knew about both.

Dre: Well...the freaky shit at least. But when Aura came up she told you about her quick, didn't she?

I sigh.

Me: Dre everything she told me today she could've been told me. She didn't though.

Dre: Yeah but like you said she didn't. So what now?

Fin's name then pops up on my phone.

I'm not in the mood to talk to her right now so I decline.

Me: She just called again.

Dre: And she gon keep calling too. You the one who said you loved her. AND you said she said it back to you. She obviously want her woman back.  Or wanna keep her or whatever. So she ain't gonna stop. You need to suck it up and just talk to her.

I've been back at my apartment for maybe a good 10 minutes before my buzzer is going off like crazy. I know who it is immediately. I pause my music. Jazmine Sullivan is always food for a pissed off soul. I calmly get up to go and press the button on the wall. "Yes, Fin?", I ask.  "Issa. Baby please ,talk to me?", she begs.

I sigh as I think of everything Dre said. The main one being: she ain't gonna stop. "Jesus.", I think,  I buzz her in. "I'm so sorry Issa.", she says as soon as I open the door. "You've already said that Fin.", I remind her and sigh. I move out the way so she can walk in.  Then I go and sit on my couch as she walks in and closes my door. "Ok Fin I got some questions for you.", I say once I'm seated. "Maybe once you answer them, you'll see where I'm coming from.", I add.

She gets a nervous face but she just nods. She's still standing. And anyone with a pulse could feel how uneasy she is right now. "First question I have; why didn't you tell me all the stuff about you still fucking Aura when you were telling me how she was stealing your girlfriends?", I ask. I give an inquisitive look. Because hell inquiring minds wanna fucking know.

"Second thing. You just told me today you're basically an habitual cheater. Mind you the same exact day we basically made things official... you tell me you have a problem staying faithful. AND to make it worse my dumbass just told you I'm in love with you.", I add. I then quickly ask, "How is that supposed to make me feel?"

She looks down at the floor. "Then third what in the fuck happened to kink not just being about sex? I thought it was about loyalty and trust most importantly?", I ask. "You said you continued to be Aura's sub for years where was the loyalty and trust for these women? Let me know how this shit is supposed to work.", I finish with.

She sighs. "Listen all I can say is that's what I meant when I said I've changed. That's all in my past. I changed after Nicki. And I'm definitely not that person when it comes to you." Her words do seem sincere. But I know how people can hear things a certain way. This usually happens when people desperately want to believe what someone is  saying. I'm currently at that stage with Fin.

"It seems like you put a lot of your faults on Aura last night though. When in all honesty you were just as much to blame as her.", I respond. She sighs and she starts massaging her temples. All I can say is that I fucked up, Issa. I was nervous all night because I wanted everything to go right. I already felt I fucked up by not telling you about the entire weekend. Then here come this bitch." She is practically begging and pleading with me.

I put my head in my hands. I have so many damn emotions right now. I really want to believe her but that's the whole issue anyways. The fact she's betrayed so many people in her life. I look at her and her eyes are sad, correction, pathetic puppy dog eyes. I have to look away immediately, they're kinda working. She starts to walk towards me. I hold my hand up as to tell her to stop. When I do that's when she begins to pace. "I'll do anything you want.", she tells me.

I take a second. "I want time.", I say. Damn not even a full day in and I'm asking for a break. She gains a look of defeat. You can feel she's heartbroken. But let's say she really has changed. She still omitted certain shit and made it seem Aura was the only person doing wrong. She was also doing some real shady shit. I don't like that.Just saying.

She sighs. "Ok. I'll leave.", she says. "Ok. Please lock my door as you go. Thanks." I'm being cold but honestly, I'm just as heartbroken as her. Once my door closes, I turn my music back on and head towards the kitchen. I immediately go towards the cabinets. I get some Wray & Nephew. I really liked the taste of it that night at the Jamaican restaurant, so I got a bottle. Not gonna lie seeing it makes me think of Fin though.

I grab the bottle and a shot glass. I think, "What can I do right now to occupy my mind?" At that very moment it clicks. My blog. I then open up my laptop and browser. I still gotta work, right? So regardless of what's going on between me and Fin, I'm not gonna stop doing my job. I type in lesbian fetish clubs in NYC. Fin has shown me a lot of places she knows that aren't really advertised. I now have to find my own. I find a place called Paddles. I read the description.

BDSM, anyone?
Paddles NYC is a playground for sane people into Flogging, spanking, bondage, suspension or domination.

The word domination stands out to me. I'm surprised it being a place specifically for gays and lesbians, that I haven't been there. Pleasantly surprised that is. I am still really really angry and disappointed with Fin. I debate whether this is really the best choice to blow off steam.

I do need something to write about. So that would be a massive plus to going out. I decide it can't hurt to see if someone will let me watch them play. Seeing a little domination won't hurt anything, right? I sit back and think, "I'm definitely going out tonight."

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