My Lost Love

Chapter 16 - Father Dear

     Mostly, I was afraid that Michael overheard me calling his name in my sleep.  And he did.  He kept questioning me about the dream but I didn't want to tell him.  I could never admit that I dreamt of the night he took my virginity.  I thought about it enough.  It was inevitable for it to slip into my dreams.  Instead of the truth, I told him I dreamt he was hurt.  And I awoke in fear, shaking from the images I saw.  I didn't think he'd believe me but he did.  And unfortunately, it scared the hell out of him.  He feared my dream was fatidic but I told him it wasn't.  I could see in his eyes he remained worried.  But he kept quiet. 

     But then on, every time we were alone, I felt like we had to keep kicking the elephant in the room.  So I began ignoring Michael.  Well, I tried to.  He was still around, for Michella but I never put myself in the position to be alone with him.  I was still seeing enough of him in my dreams anyway.  But it was crazy how I didn't feel right alone with my best friend any longer.

     And I noticed Brooke coming around more.  It didn't bother me at first.  Until I picked up a newspaper one morning and saw a picture of Michael, Brooke, and Michella under the headline BROOKE AND MICHAEL'S SECRET BABY!

     "What the hell is this?!" I screamed over the phone.

     Michael laughed loudly in my ear.  "I know you're joking."

     I was genuinely upset about it.  And he was the only person I could take it out on.  "I'm not, Michael."  It was frustrating.

     "Sweets, they're everywhere.  I can't help it."

     I was aware of how desperate paparazzi were to get a flick of him but damn, to have my child thrown in the mix was unsettling.  Or maybe it was because they labeled her Brooke's child.  Or even Michael's.  She was no one's child but mine!  "I'm sorry," I said calming myself with soothing thoughts.  "So I'll see you soon?"

     "Tomorrow unless you want to hang out with me today."  Hanging out meant being thrown in the crowd of his entourage while he accepts some award or meets with a fellow famous friend.

     "I have too much to do.  I'll see you tomorrow at the show."

     Motown was showcasing a 25th anniversary special.  I was excited about it because Michael and his brothers were going to perform with Jermaine.  They hadn't all been together since the guys left Motown and Jermaine behind with it.  I was also excited because Michael promised this would be the night he showcased his new dance move.  The Moonwalk. 

     "I'll be there.  Everybody sing it!"  It was so nice to see my boys with Jermaine again.  The way he and Michael held each other, it brought a tear to my eye.  I loved them all as a group.  But I knew Michael was aching to go solo.  It tore me up because I couldn't see him without his brothers.  Even after the success of Off The Wall and Thriller, which I will always be very proud of, I still couldn't see him not doing an album with his brothers in between.  I grew up with all of them.  It was hard enough as each of them ran off and got married and moved out of the house.  But I still had concerts and albums to look forward to.  If Michael ever decided to leave The Jacksons, I knew it would mean for good.  The thought of him leaving Hayvenhurst used to always scare me. It's honestly the reason why I never went to college in New York. But it was Katherine who kept Michael around.  He didn't want to leave her alone with Joseph.  He, Janet and Latoya were the only kids still living there.  And I couldn't picture them living anywhere else.

     When I heard the bassline of Billie Jean, I got back up out of my seat and began to jam with the crowd.  When he did it, when he slid back across the floor, the audience's reaction was priceless.  I screamed with them.  It was better than I had ever seen.