i think i kinda love you

chapter 10 | i love you

it had been a few weeks since she first said i love you and the time since has been nothing but perfect. although they were all sort of the same, i got to see her almost consistently which didn't disappoint. considering she's been working on her upcoming album, a lot of our time together was spent in her childhood home where she and her brother, finneas, initially began writing songs. was the fact that i spent the past couple of weeks in a tiny room with my hot ass girlfriend and her brother who occasionally made the sexual tension between bil and i a little awkward ideal? no. but at least i spent time with her. and to be honest, i thought it'd annoy me first but i guess when you really love someone so much, as long as you're with them, you don't care where you are, who else you're with or if anyone judging you because at the end of the day, all you care about is that one person. 

at this point in our relationship, i had already met most of her friends and her close family members including maggie (her mom), patric (her dad), finneas (her brother), finn's girlfriend who technically wasn't part of the family yet because claudia and finneas were only dating and as you know, i met drew and zoe who were her closest friends. on top of that, bil's tour was already being discussed and she constantly mentioned how she wanted me there the whole time which honestly, sounded like a hassle and a dream all at once but eventually, i agreed which made her so happy. because i was going on tour with her, we spent a few hours a week at meetings regarding release dates, photoshoots, etc. because of the meetings, i met her whole team including danny, brandon, laura and so many others. they're all so supportive and every time she was around them, she'd instantly perk up from the thought of going on tour. honestly, the tour wasn't what made her the most excited because]she's mentioned so many times that it's so exhausting and draining. she was mostly anticipating meeting her fans because, wow she really did love and care for them so so much. 

i really can't even begin to express how amazing these past few weeks have been. not only was bil working on the album but the whole twitter scandal eventually simmered down and once danny told her that she was in the clear, billie addressed the whole situation including publicizing our relationship for the whole world to know of which wasn't necessary because it really didn't matter to me if the world knew about our relationship or not but she insisted on telling everyone because she said that i was the first person ever that she was proud of being with. she told me she had an ex that mistreated her a whole lot but they broke up not long before her and i met and although when she told me that my initial reaction was to assume that she was using me as a rebound, she reassured me that she ended things with him and that although they were on good terms with no hard feelings, she'd never go back to him because he gave her a ton of trauma that she hasn't opened up about to anyone but me. thank god for this angel. at first when she told me about her ex brandon, i started distancing myself because insecurities came flooding in making me question my worth to her and whether she actually cared to be with me or if it was just a big show to make que jealous. these thoughts of mine got the best of me. especially the overthinking part which resulted in our first fight. thankfully though, we were able to work out the tension really quickly. i feel like she really knew me. she'd always mention how grateful she was to have me in her life but honestly, she's helped me more these past few months than anyone's ever helped me my whole life including the dozens of therapists i've visited in hopes of talking about my rough childhood. my relationship with her got stronger by the day and for that, i was eternally grateful. knowing billie fucking eilish looked at me the night i met her would've been enough for my life to literally be fulfilled but the universe really took it's time when thinking of our relationship. i was so thankful that at the end of each night, even on days where we wouldn't see each other, i always had someone to rest my shoulder on at night. oh and did i mention, a few weeks after the fight i just talked about, we realized that if we were able to easily work out such an intense fight, we would be able to work out anything and so eventually, we decided to move in together. i sold my apartment because we both figured moving into hers would be better because it's much bigger.