To Have Loved Then Lost (LokixOc)

Banishment

Sif talked me through what happened in Jötunheimr while the warriors sat mostly in silence and Volstag devouring what looked to be a turkey leg. The way she explained everything only made me more and more thankful I wasn't there. I didn't handle cold well in general, let alone surrounded by blood-thirsty Frost Giants trying to sniff me out. Hers and the warriors strength was admirable, but definitely not the life for me.
"I only hope Loki isn't punished too harshly. For once in his life, he's not the cause of drama." I joked, hoping the lighten the tense mood of uncertainty.

"It amazes me how someone so cunning and a master of talking circles around people can be so soft spoken and shy." Sif sat back in her seat with her hands behind her head.
"That's just his cover and you know it." Hodun spoke up from the opposite corner of the room.
"To an extent." I argued. "As much as I respect Odin, he isn't the best at hiding his favouritism." I could feel Sif giving me a side glance.
"It's not Odin's fault Loki would rather play pranks instead of becoming a sophisticated warrior and Prince." She scoffed. I understood her slightly hostile feelings towards him as she had been the victim of many of his "jokes." But she forgets that's he's still a person with feelings.
"And it's not Loki's fault he was born the God of Mischief." That came out a little more harsh and defensive than I wanted.

"I know you were very close in the past, but you must stop defending him like you do." Said Hodun. "One day he's going to betray you and you'll only be blaming yourself for trusting him." This very much offended me and I wish I had something clever to say back. But nothing came to mind at the time. Instead, I took a breath and spoke calmly.
"I've known him and Thor since we were children and not once has Loki made me question his loyalty to our friendship. He maybe a cheat, a liar and likes to take a joke too far. But he's my friend first regardless of your opinions."

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you still harbour feelings for him." Everyone shot Fandral a look.
"Even if that were true, why would that change anything?" I asked, doubting that's what everyone was expecting. "He's knows I'm just in my reasoning, both when I'm defending and arguing with him."

Loki finally appeared after being with Thor and Odin and all eyes were on him. He was just as quiet as when I saw him return. No Thor.
"What happened?" Sif asked and Loki took a seat between her and myself.
"...As punishment... Father has decided to banish Thor to Midgard." He answered us, not looking up from his hands in his lap.
"Okay..." I nodded. "That doesn't sound that bad. When can he cone home?" Loki shrugged.
"Father stripped him of Mjölnir and his powers until he's worthy of his place again. It's possible he might never come home."

There was a collective gasp and sigh as I dropped my face in my hands. For the first time in a long while, I was completely lost as to what to do. Especially now that I was probably out of my advisor job. Father and Odin were probably discussing our arrangements as we spoke.

"At least he's only banished, not dead." Fandral sighed.
"We'd all be dead if Thyra hadn't told Odin where we were." I was surprised at Volstag speaking up for me, especially after staying uncharacteristically silent thought out whole conversation.

I noticed Loki analysing his hands intensely. I wondered what he was thinking. What happened in Jötunheimr that Sif didn't mention?
"I also told a guard to go to Father after we left." He admitted which caused everyone to dart their eyes to him, including myself. "He should be flogged for taking so long that Thyra beat him to it. We should never have reached Jötunheimr." He trust himself from his seat to face the wall.
"You told a guard?!" Volstag exclaimed angrily.
"I saved our lives." He shot back. "Thyra saved our lives, but still... I had no idea Father would banish him for what he did." I looked down at my lap, thinking about Thor and how he must feel right now. Alone and powerless among the mortals.

"Loki..." Sif stood and approached him. "You must go to the Allfather and convince him to change his mind."
"If I do, then what?" He asked in return. "I love Thor more dearly than any of you, but you know who he is. He's arrogant, he's reckless, he's dangerous, you saw how he was today!" His voice rose with every bullet point he made and I agreed wholeheartedly. Still... I wished I could feel some sense of security in all this. "Is that was Asgard needs from its king?" Loki stormed off, giving us one last glance before exiting, leaving us all to sit in silence.

"He speaks good of Asgard." Sif broke it. "But he has always been jealous of Thor." This again... I rubbed my eyes in frustration.
"We should be grateful he tried to save our lives." Volstag defended him.
" Remember what Laufey said. There are traitors in the house of Odin." Hodun spoke up. I hoped he wasn't where I thought he was going. He ignored my look of warning as he continued his thought. "A master of magic could bring three Jötuns into Asgard." Fuck me.

"Loki's always been one for mischief, but this is something else entirely." Fandral thankfully spoke my mind.
"I agree. There's pranks and then there's treason on his own family. I'd thank you to never speak of this again."

I returned to mine and Father's room where he gave me the same look of worry I was feeling. Worry for Thor and where we now stood in the palace.
"I only hope I'm not separated from my friends." I told him as we sat together in the living room, staring at the fire.
"I trust Odin won't cast us out." He assured me. "If Thor doesn't return, it's possible you'll be Loki's advisor instead... Though I do worry very much for him."

I fiddled with my hands in my lap, thinking over the possible futures. The thought of being Loki's advisor didn't sound so bad. I did miss our alone time together. Even if that possibility were in the table, would Odin approve such a relationship? With our romantic past, would it be presentable for such an arrangement to happen? Would the deal Father had with Odin about Thor and I even apply to Loki? Part of me hoped for it, though mostly doubted it.

I suddenly remembered Fandral earlier accusing me of still having feelings for him. I wasn't sure if that were true. I mean, of course I cared for Loki as a close friend, but to say I still hold feelings after all these years was still ambiguous in my mind. It wasn't a nasty break up, after all, it wasn't even our decision. So was it still possible?

I shook my head, trying to rid myself of such thoughts. I felt it unwise to explore that part of myself. Even if feelings were still there, it was a huge leap to conclude that he felt the same about me. It was best to just ignore it and continue on as normal.