Back in Manila
After the conference, we packed our bags and headed straight back to reality. It was a long ride from Bacarra to Manila but we did not mind. Our bodies are tired enough to even feel a single string of tiredness from this ride.
We are going to be dropped off in Ateneo. Before, I was really looking forward to coming home after a game. But today, it feels different.
I am exhausted. I am in distress. I am lost for words.
And the worst part is, my family is in San Francisco. Once I got home, loneliness and misery awaits me, and that makes my heart hurt even more.
"Ate Bea, you want some chips?"
"Nope I'm not hungry, Pongs. Thank you..."
Ponggay just nodded and went to the other seats to offer the same thing.
I guess this is one of the few things that I will miss in the bubble. After this, I won't get to see my teammates as often again. We'll go back to having to see each other in Zoom calls every morning for our conditioning.
I am mad.
This is not supposed to end up this way. We should be going home with a high morale and happy disposition. How did it end up this way? I really couldn't comprehend anything. Everything seems blurry to me.
I looked across my seat and saw Deanna. She's listening to music with puffy eyes. She looked in my direction and just smiled timidly. I smiled back and looked quickly at the window.
I hate to see them like this.
I sighed, trying to hold back the tears. I should be strong for them, especially after what happened to Maddie. I can't let them down, not now.
--
A few minutes more, I can already see a familiar place. The place that I can call home.
Ateneo
Upon entering the campus, I can see the family of my teammates, holding up their banners of support and love for us. The atmosphere in the vehicle changed almost instantly. Sadness suddenly turned into anticipation, and that made my heart happy.
We got up one by one, trying to be as orderly as possible. Some of them immediately ran and hugged their loved ones, some are trying to hold back tears.
I was the last one to get off the bus. Seeing my teammates this happy made my heart happy as well. I know that this is not the time to feel envious, but I wish someone is here to make me feel at home.
"Bea, are you heading home na? We can give you a lift..." Kat asked.
"Nah. I'll be staying a bit longer pa. I'll go to Gesù first..."
"Okay then. Take care, Bei. Message me if you need anything, okay?"
"I will. See you soon, Kat! I'll miss you... Bacon, take your girl home already..."
"Oo naman..." He laughed. "Take care, Bei. Text us 'pag nakauwi ka na..."
I hugged both of them before they head off.
Once I bid my goodbyes to my teammates, coaches, and staffs, I left my bags to ate Beth and I walked towards Gesù.
I miss the campus life all of a sudden. Walking here makes me miss hell week, the grind during UAAP season, the study sessions in between trainings. Oh the things we take for granted.
