At LGV...
"Ohh kaninong shot na ba 'to?" I raised a glass. My vision is blurry already. My mind knows that I should stop drinking na pero hindi ko mapigilan.
"Bei tama na yan. Look everyone's asleep already..." Maddie urged Zolo to go and calm my nerves.
"Maddie's right, Bei. You've had enough, and so are we. Maybe we can call the night off..."
"Bakit kayo ganyan?" I cried. I hugged my knees and slump myself on the floor.
Why do I have to feel this way? Masama ba ako nung past life ko?
"Bea..."
I heard a familiar voice. Hindi ako lumingon. Hindi niya deserve yung paglingon ko. Nakita ko na bumalik na si Zolo kay Maddie. I looked at them and felt envious. Kailan ko kaya makikilala yung taong para sa akin?
"Bea please..." I snapped back into reality when I heard his voice again.
"Why are you even here?" I asked in a bittersweet tone. I stood up and went inside.
I heard that he's following me kaya binilisan ko yung lakad ko. Pero naabutan niya pa rin ako.
"Bea..." His voice sounded like a plea. But I can't. I can't look at him
Kasi ayoko na umasa... ayoko nang paasahin yung sarili ko na meron pa kahit na alam kong wala na. Wala na yung dating kami. Wala na yung Thirdy na para kay Bea lang.
"I just wanted to see you before I leave for Japan..."
I chuckled, but tears are still flowing.
"For Japan nga lang ba?"
"What do you mean?"
I looked around. I looked at his eyes. Gosh, how I wish that those eyes were mine and mine alone.
"She's out there waiting for you, right?"
Umiwas siya ng tingin, at dun pa lang, alam kong talo na ako.
I held his face, cherishing every second that I get to spend with him.
"Alam ko naman Thirdy. 'Wag na nating pahirapan yung sarili natin. Alam ko namang hindi na ako ehh. Heck, hindi ko nga alam kung naging ako ba talaga ehh kasi hindi naman naging tayo..."
Para akong sinasaksak nang paulit-ulit habang sinasabi ko 'yun.
"Tanga ko rin kasi ehhh. Nagpakakampante kasi ako na hindi ka aalis, pero mali pala ako. Nakalimutan ko na may hangganan nga pala lahat. Now this is the price that I have to pay..."
Hindi ko na kinaya. Humagulgol na ako sa harap niya. Ang hina ko.
"Alam mong for the longest time, ikaw lang Bea. And you're still as important to me. Pero may mga bagay na hindi ko kayang icontrol. She was there Bei..."
"Ako rin naman ahh..." I said those words under my breath. Reluctant if I really want him to hear them or not.
I stood up straight and smiled.
"Yun nga ehhh. And you know the most painful part is? I can't hate on her because she's so kind and thoughtful, and she can make you happy..."
"Ikaw rin naman Bea..."
"But still, hindi pa rin naman ako yung pinili mo..."
We remained quiet for a few minutes. I don't know what we are waiting for, or what am I supposed to say. But right here, right now, I just want to feel his presence before he goes to the direction he wants to go.
