Impulse

CHAPTER 3

I woke as though someone had thrown a firecracker at me. My sleep has became a dangerous game of Russian roulette. The blood pounding in my ears. My chest tightening as it became increasingly harder to breath. My body a trembling mess, while my hands and feet tingled. Sweat from my face was dipping into the corners of my mouth. My vision blurry as if I was looking at the world through a fish bowl. These nightmares need to stop or else I'm going to have to go back to a psychiatrist and I don't have time for that.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in through my nose counting to four, then blew it out through my mouth doing the same. It was a technique our therapist taught us how to do whenever I felt a panic attack coming on. I repeated this process, thinking about all of the things that make me happy and what I am grateful for.

This is what happens when you go through a traumatic event and survive, leaving loved ones behind. I was diagnosed with PTSD and a side of survivors remorse. Try saying that three times fast. I know it's nothing to joke about, but I also know that if an individual can't find humor and meaning in this life you might as well be dead. An intelligent person once said "You have to take the good with the bad." Wise words to live by.

I put my fingers to my wrist feeling my pulse beginning to slow. Taking a few more deep breaths in and out, my heart started beating at it's normal rate. I don't have time to spaz out today. Pacey is starting a new school and I am meeting with the chief medical advisor at the Mount Desert Island Hospital or as they abbreviate MDI, to start my training in the emergency room there.

There were three distinct taps on my bedroom door. "Mya you up?"

Taking in another deep breath to steady my voice I called out. "Yeah I'll be down in thirty."

I threw the blankets off of me and strolled over to my closet, picking out my grey pant suit. I had to look professional for the chief advisor of the hospital and Pacey's principle. I then retrieved my pink Adidas duffle bag and tossed in my green Cherokee scrubs and white tennis shoes. I wasn't sure if he was going to have me start on the floor tonight or not.

Downstairs Pacey already had a bowl of yogurt and granola sitting out for me on the kitchen island with a piping hot cup of coffee sitting next to it.

I pulled out my stool and sat next to him giving his appearance a once over. He was sporting his typical male teenage I don't care look. Wearing a black pair of Adidas track pants and a grey Champion T-shirt.

"Pacey, the least you could do was wear a pair of khakis and a nice button up shirt for your first day." I verbalized making my annoyance with his attire known.

"Now why didn't I think of that. Oh yeah, because I don't want to get my ass roasted for the rest of the year."

I plonked down my mug narrowing my gaze to him. "Can you not go five freaking seconds without being a smartass?"

"Can you not go five fucking seconds without trying to act like my parent?"

"Pace-" I started then he interrupted me.

"I'm sorry okay. I know you are just trying to lookout for me and I appreciate that, I really do. Believe it or not I am a nervous wreck right now and it is taking everything I have to keep it in check."

I stood from my chair and wrapped my arms around him. "You will do great Pace, I know you will. People always love you no matter where you go. Besides, if anyone gives you a hard time I'll straight up kick their asses for you."

He laughed so hard I think he shot milk out of his nose. "Thank you, but I think I can manage."

As we walked into the office to the right of the main double doors there was a man talking to a women who sat behind the receptionist desk. Standing a little taller than me, with a balding pepper colored hair line and olive skin, he has a simplistic feel about him. The women on the other hand looked bored out of her mind. She had pale skin, golden brown hair and tired blue eyes. I could imagine her picturing being anywhere but here.