the sink hole of loving you //mattheo riddle

Chapter 4

I wake up in the same outfit I was wearing yesterday. I sit up in bed, and the events of last night come rushing back all at once. I feel a throb in my chest when I think about Mattheo, and I blow out a shaky breath. I walk to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. My eyes are puffy and red from crying, and I look exhausted. I feel exhausted. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. "It's okay," I tell myself. but it's not. I walk over to my closet and grab my uniform. I feel like there's a weight on my chest. I should be used to it by now. I always feel like crap after Mattheo tells me about his new girl, but i've never walked in on them. geez. I've never seen him making out with a girl, putting his hands all over her, whispering things in her ear and making her laugh. not until last night. I put on my uniform and walk back into the bathroom to assess my red eyes. I swipe some concealer under my eyes, and put on some mascara. I don't have the energy to do much more right now. I already know that this day is gonna be a hard one. I'll be on edge all day. numb. I'm anxious. depressed. It happens a lot actually. but my therapist wants me to deal with it without medication. bunch of bullsh*t if you ask me, but whatever. She's a professional so I have to listen to her. Usually there is something that triggers a day like this, like last night, but sometimes it happens out of the blue. Usually I have mattheo for these days, but I'm not really in the mood to talk to him right now. Hopefully he'll be able to just tell, like usual, that I'm having a hard day. He usually knows what to do.  I brush my hair, call it good, and head down to breakfast. On my way I run into Sophie on the staircase "hey!" "hi '' I answer with a small smile. "How are you?" she asks. "sh*tty" she laughs. "It's a cursing kind of day huh?" I nod glumly. "what happened?" "not what. who ''I answer in a sarcastic voice. "oh" she says, understanding. Neither of us talks all the way to the great hall. I walk over to our table, and Sophie leaves to say hi to draco. I sit down across from Oliver who is studying a quidditch play. "Hey," he says, not looking up from the book. I grunt in response. "Hey everyone!" Mattheo says way too enthusiastically, sitting down next to oliver. I force a smile. "new quidditch play?" he asks oliver. "Mhm" Oliver answers. "nice. claire" mattheo turns to me, '' I'm so sorry for last night", Oliver looks up from the book. "No, it's okay. really. I was tired anyways, ''I say. "Thank you," he answers. "i was just totally distracted you know i didn't even think to text you" he laughs and starts eating his food.  "Hey," Mattheo says softly. "Are you okay?" "yeah-" "hey!" I hear a high pitched voice say. "hey!!" Mattheo says, forgetting all about what he was asking me. "Can I sit by you?" Colbie asks. "Of course" he answers, scooting over and making room for her. "Thank you." She basically sits down ontop of mattheo and turns her attention towards me. "hi! I'm colbie. i didn't get to formally introduce myself yesterday" gosh her voice could break a thousand glass cups it's so irritating. "I'm Claire," I answer smiling another fake smile. "nice to meet you" she smiles, and it's way too perfect. perfect white teeth, perfectly applied lip gloss, and her makeup is perfection compared to my crappy concealer and mascara. she turns back towards mattheo and i take this time to look at her. her top is cut short, so it shows her stomach, and she looks like a runway model. I look down at her shoes. polished heels, perfectly shaved, tan, long legs. a slim waist, big chest, and perfect hair. annoyingly perfect hair. she giggles and Mattheo kisses her neck making her sigh. I shift uncomfortably, but don't look away from them. He whispers more things in her ear and she giggles. I look down at my food and don't feel hungry anymore. I feel empty actually, and numb, but still feel a pain in my chest. I look up to see Oliver looking at me with a sad expression on his face. I smile a small pathetic smile and look back at my food. " You guys are disgusting." Oliver says to Mattheo and colbie. "People are trying to eat here" he turns towards me. "ready to go?" he asks me. "Yeah" I answer , not sure what he's talking about, but happy to have an excuse to leave the table. "Where are you guys going?" Mattheo asks, finally taking his attention away from Colbie's neck. "Uh-" "we're going to figure out a new quidditch play for our next game '' Oliver  says. "dude you spend way too much time on quidditch" mattheo answers. "Well, I like to win." He walks away from the table and I walk quickly to catch up with his long strides. We walk in silence all the way to the quidditch field. "Thank you," I say in a quiet voice. He turns toward me with a concerned expression. "Are you okay?" he asks. "y-yeah '' I answer, fighting back tears. "I don't really want to talk about it. '' I look down at the ground and toe some dirt. "okay. then what'd you think about playing some quidditch '' i perk up. "really?'' Oliver gave up ever playing with me after I lost control, ran straight into him, and broke his broom. He didn't talk to me for like a month after that. After about an hour of messing around we laid down in the middle of the quidditch pitch on our backs. "Thanks for this' ' I say looking over at him. "I needed it" "anytime." he answers, smiling at me. We lay there for a half hour longer, and then walk back to the castle. "hey guys!'' Mattheo says, running up to us. "hey '' Oliver answers. "Can I talk to you?" mattheo asks me. "Uh yeah. I guess ''Oliver gives me a look asking if i'm okay. I nod at him and he walks towards the castle. I look at mattheo. "I'm sorry," he says.
"for what?"
"for last night. i was a total jerk showing up at the party i said i wasn't going to, and then letting you walk in on us-" he sighs. "I'm a jerk, and I'm sorry, and if you're not totally pissed at me, do you want to have a movie night tonight?" I want to ask if he's sure he's not busy with colbie, but i hold it back. I know I should be a little more mad, and maybe give him the cold shoulder for a couple days, but when he smiles like that I know I'm doomed. "I'm not mad at you. yeah it kinda hurts that you lied about the party, but you are your own person, and you don't have to tell me your every move. but letting me walk in on that, was a real jerk move, for multiple reasons, but it's okay. Now, about tonight. I might consider coming if I can pick the movie. ''I answer smiling. He shakes his head and smiles. "sure. You can pick the movie ''I squeal and then laugh. He laughs too and then pulls me in for a hug. Mattheo is the best hugger ever, and I don't ever want to let go of him, but we are approaching the end of acceptable friend length for a hug, so I pull away "so, for the movie, can I choose anything?" I ask. "Anything" he answers and rolls his eyes. I smile. "Except 13 going-" "-on 30" we both laugh. He shakes his head, still laughing. "I hate you," he says jokingly. "I hate you more" I answer walking back towards the castle, and just like that, everything is back to normal.