𝐇𝐔𝐅𝐅𝐋𝐄𝐏𝐔𝐅𝐅'𝐒; 𝐀 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐘

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐈𝐕

"Did you know that turtles can breathe through their butts?"

This was the ever so intelligent question Eddy asked as he sat down at breakfast that morning.

"I did know that, yes." Replied Lenny, because what didn't she know?

"Why the fuck would I want to know that?" Replied Dicky, because well, it was a fair question, and;

"That's...interesting." Abby replied because she didn't want to tell him right out how fucking stupid that was to say to another person at seven-thirty-two in the morning.

With a response from each of his friends, Eddy was nonetheless satisfied and proceeded to tuck into his food. Nobody questioned him. It really wasn't worth it. Besides, there were more important things going on as only two days ago a student had been petrified just like Mrs Norris.

The student was a boy in Ravenclaw that none of them had ever spoken to. He was a nobody just like them, a side character. That meant any of them could have been next in line. At least it would have given them more plot focus. But Eddy only got in trouble for pointing that out aloud.

The tale surrounding the Chamber of Secrets had spread like wildfire across the school after Hermione had asked McGonagall for the details in the middle of class. It was said that the chamber was built by Salazar Slytherin himself and could only be opened by his rightful heir. Inside the chamber, lived a monster of imaginable terror.

Now, naturally, being twelve years old and very weird, a horrific situation like this was perfect for some good old dark humour. They'd been in Professor Sprout's office for that very reason twice already. Apparently, Dicky telling the Weasley twins that it sounded like the monster had a freeze ray and then the twins going around frisking students in search of one was not as funny as they all found it to be. According to Professor Sprout at the least.

"Hey, you know how that boy got petrified, right?" Eddy spoke up randomly.

The others stared at him.

"Uh, duh?" Dicky arched a brow. "Fucking everyone knows. And Potter is totally guilty."

"What?" Eddy gasped. He had intended to ask that if he could pretend to be petrified himself then he could get out of classes but instead, as always, Dicky had some fighting words to fling around. "He so didn't! Harry's innocent!"

Dicky scoffed at his declaration.

"Dumbass. He was literally caught at the scene of the crime."

"Crease your slander!" Eddy slammed his hand on the table. "Harry would never do a thing like that! Guys, back me up!"

Lenny and Abby shared a glance.

"Well, my opinion of Harry has always been pretty high." Abby cleared her throat awkwardly. "But...then the thing at Lockhart's duelling club with the snake happened and now I just don't know what to think."

"Okay, so, yeah, maybe Harry suddenly being a parseltongue is a little sus but-"

"A little?" Dicky snorted. "He talks to snakes. Slytherin's mascot is literally a snake!"

"Oh, shut up!" Eddy shot back. "Your angsty ass would love to be able to do that and you know it!"

"Yeah, totally, but I'm not some heroic Chosen One, now am I? And fuck, at this point it seems like Potter might not be one either."

"NooooOOOOOooooOOoo!" Eddy kicked his legs wildly under the table. "Don't say that! Harry's cool and nice, he's not some creepy guy who walks around petrifying people!"