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ADA
UNFORTUNATELY, HOLIDAY BREAKS HAD AN END AND EDUCATION WAS KIND OF COMPULSORY.
After spending one eventful week with his family, Eliseo flew back to New York and I was back to what fell between purgatory and hell; high-school.
"So you think that the girls don't like you?"
I was finally admitting to Mario that I didn't wish to surround myself with his friends any longer, feeling like I was becoming a burden upon all of them.
You couldn't force what couldn't be.
Me and his friends could never be on the same page because we belonged to two different spaces and I had begun to accept that now.
"I think so," I responded, nuzzling my head into his neck, "It's just so awkward when I am with them. Like they want to run away from me or something," I paused awkwardly, choosing to speak boldly, "Is it because I am the only black girl? Is that why I feel left out?"
Mario flashed a horrified look at me, his face paling.
I didn't even mean to say those words the way I did but they just came out that way.
"What? I hope the fuck not!" Mario cried out indignantly, his face colouring red after he got over the shock, "Have they made any weird comments towards you?"
I bit down on my bottom lip, slowly nodding my head. "Like on my hair..." I trailed off, thinking about all those sly comments I had let slip, "Like when they see me in a head covering or wearing my traditional bracelets and they say something weird and shady. Really, it's just the little ignorant comments they make."
The micro-aggression.
Mario's face hardened, his face crumpling in anger. "What?" He spat out in disbelief, "And you didn't tell me? Why didn't you tell me?"
Why was he yelling at me?
"Because these comments aren't direct," I tried to explain, needing him to understand, "They are passive aggressive or sugar coated as compliments. You can't attack them without seeming problematic. That was why I ignored them. I bet they didn't even realise that they were doing it sometimes."
"That doesn't matter," Mario's tone softened, his hand reaching over to pat my cheeks, "If you were feeling uncomfortable, you should've told to me. I would've said something."
I don't know if he would have.
Mario without a doubt always had my back but those friends of his were loyal to him even if they weren't to me. I didn't know if he would want to loose them that easily.
