A Turn For The Worse... Victuuri Fanfic

Message to all (UPDATE)

Hey all. I wrote this story a long time ago to give light on how serious mental health is. I recently came upon a comment that gave me a lot of concern. IF you are in a crisis and you need someone to talk to, please call a hotline or go to the emergency room and ask to speak to someone who can help you. I've noticed a lot of the people who read this story are pretty young and I want you to know that I really don't appreciate these types of comments, especially if you are joking.

I'm 21 now, I was 16 when I wrote this. I've had my fair share of dealing with suicidal ideations or self harm thoughts and being in a hospital is shitty but I have admitted myself to hospitals when I was feeling hopeless or overwhelmed. I'm not going to open myself up to talking to any of you personally because I currently am going though a dark time in my life. I don't feel like I could offer any help personally and strongly recommend that you seek help for yourself.

I've been in mental health services since I was thirteen and I know how hard it is to get comfortable in an environment like that. I was a person who thought I was too good for counseling and didn't need any help but when I found myself doing things I normally wouldn't do, I got scared and asked for help. There were situations where I had no choice but I'm glad because otherwise, I probably wouldn't still be here today. And I wouldn't care about strangers as much as I do now.

Everyone's life is different and details are always so trivial but what needs to be understood is that we are all human. We all feel the same emotions and deal with all the same thoughts of, "am I good enough? will it really be okay?" etc.

If you have no one in your life to tell you that you'll be okay, I will tell you right now that you will be okay. Life is shitty and as much as we wish we could change things, sometimes we can't. But the things we can change, most can't be changed overnight. But I'm telling you not to give up because it is so worth the work. It's been a struggle for me to finally get to this place but I am so glad I'm here and I'm so excited to move onto the next.

For now, I want you to focus on the moment right in front of you. What can you do that will benefit you the most? Your well being comes first and I hope you all understand this. I genuinely do care about all of you and I wish I could help you through whatever it may be that's got you down. Your life matters, YOU are so worth everything within this world and YOU deserve so much more.

Thank you guys for continuing to support me by reading my stories. If these comments continue, I will take down these stories. I care too much to have this happening in something I created. Even though I hope nothing has happened yet, I would feel disgusted with myself if I knew my art pushed someone to hurt themselves. You are important to me because you are just like me, a human being.

Please stay safe and stay strong. Wear your masks when you go out and always be careful. Your life matters.

Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255

Crisis Textline: 741741 text "HOME" to connect

The Trevor Project: 1 866-488-7386 or text START to 678-678

Trans Life Line: 1 877-565-8860

Canada Suicide Prevention: 1 833-456-4566

Trans Lifeline (Canada): 1 877-330-6366

If you go to the emergency room, Just explain to them that you are in a mental health crisis and would like someone to talk to or that you want help. They will do their own assessment and ask you their own questions. Please be honest with them as much as you can. They are there to help you.

*UPDATE*

I thought for a very long time about how I felt when I took this down. It took a long time for me to realize that I didn't want to take this story down. This story means a lot to me personally and while I don't agree with the way I wrote this, (I was 15 years old when I wrote this,) I do want representation using the gorgeous characters we know and love.  Mental health is extremely important to me especially because I was a teen dealing with negative thoughts about suicide. I felt like I was alone and that I wasn't being taken seriously, I felt alone. But that was just my anxiety and depression convincing me that I was worth nothing. I know better now and I don't want anyone else to suffer alone.

I'm going to rewrite this story and post it when it's ready. I'll keep you all updated and promise to upload as soon as possible. I hope you all have a wonderful evening and enjoy your day! Life is too short already so let's make the most of it!

*UPDATE*

I completely forgot to upload this here but I've been rewriting the story and began posting the updates a few days ago. I know it's crackhead hours but I'm just trying to cope as best as I can with what I'm dealing with and this is one of the things that helps me. 

Before I even began to take my writing seriously, I was a heavy alcoholic even at such a young age. I would drink myself sick and mistreated myself to the point I allowed myself to be put into horrible situations. I got scared of the fact and decided that I needed to help myself in a way that wouldn't hurt me. At least not in a way that would only set myself back. Like I said before, I was only a teen when I first wrote this and also when I first began to use healthy coping skills like this. I haven't done any writing over the years because I fell back into a darkness that it is extremely hard to get out of. So many things have happened over the years and it's painful looking back at all the wrongs I've done. But I'm trying to get myself back to a healthy state so that I can recover and move on.

I want this to be an example for all of you especially since a lot of you are young kiddos just like I was some years ago. It genuinely hurt me to realize that my art could've pushed someone to do something to hurt themselves and that's not what I wanted when I wrote this. My 22nd birthday is literally tomorrow which is insane to me because I was so convinced that I wouldn't even live to see my eighteenth birthday. And in all honesty, I'm still struggling to believe that I made it.

But here I am, alive and coming back to the things that I love because it makes me happy to see myself progress so much. There is still so much that I have to work on which would've intimidated me before but I'm ready for the challenge. In some small way I hope that this inspires you to move forward and continue to believe in yourselves because I know how I felt when I was in those dark places with not much hope left. I don't ever want another person to feel that way and especially not the youth of today.

Seeing the comments that I did terrified me because I have younger siblings that are in their teens, teens that were once little babies that I held and raised as my own. I know you aren't my babies but to think that there might be a person like me in your life, I know they wouldn't want to see you suffer.

I'm sorry if this got way too personal but I care about you. I don't know who you all are and I won't ever know what you might've been through. There's no way that I can say 'I understand' because I might not but the only thing I know is, no one ever deserves to feel like they are less than. No one ever deserves to feel like they are not worthy of life and light. Every single one of you are here for a reason. Whether it's to make shitty art, tell nonsense jokes, make up weird dances, play an instrument, or even to just enjoy the small sense of accomplishment when a task is done. Whatever it is that you find worthy, make that something to stay for.

One of my absolute favorite quotes is by a painter named Bob Ross. During one of his paintings he said, "Sometimes you need a little darkness to fully appreciate the light."

When those days come, always try to remember the things that make them brighter. Persistence is key to achievement and patience is key to understanding.

I'm sorry for ranting. After I'm finished rewriting this, I'll think about editing the original to be able to repost but I think this is gonna be the last fanfiction I write. There's another one that I started writing a long time ago and I'm thinking about revisiting that one but there's a short story that I've been working on for a while. I've been wanting to create a dedicated short story book on here for a while which I'm definitely gonna do and would immensely appreciate any support you'd be willing to offer. I'll make a dedicated update about it when I'm ready but for now, I hope you all enjoy this story.

Thank you all for your support in this story. I hope it's something that you can enjoy.