Leave the door open

Promise I have to let go

"Kwon Soon young, you're in a good mood lately." Cheol who just arrived put his things down to one of a couch in his bar. His so called sanctuary has been operating since before their debut days. It was idealistically prepared by him, Soonyoung, Jihoon, Jeonghan and Joshua. They always thought that it would be nice to have somewhere they can run to whenever they feel stressed or celebrate something from their milestone. The bar went to life a year before Jihoon won his award. Since then, the corners of this small room witness their heartbreaks, their happiness and their minds.

Soonyoung put down the glass infront of him after taking down the last sip. "Hyung." Soonyoung hesistated for a minute. He don't know how to construct the feelings he's in right now into words. "He's letting me go to his house anytime now." he can't contain the smile from his face.

"Are you two back together?" Cheol's expression sudden change. Aside from the other members of their band who has been with Soonyoung and Jihoon from the start, no one witness how they were when they decided to break the relationship. Cheol witness his pain.

"Well, we never talked about it yet. But he gave me the code of his house again. He-"

"Until you and him did not make it clear that you were getting back together, there's nothing to be excited about." Cheol cut Soonyoung off. This is always what Seungcheol like. He is not a friend who will pamper you with fantasies and sugarcoat everything. He's straight forward. He will slap the truth to your face.

"Should I ask him after the comeback promotion?"

"I don't care when, but make it clear. You two been hurting each other for years now. Don't you think it's time to be happy? If no one would want to be together again, atleast move on."

"You know, I can't." Seungcheol saw Soonyoung look down to the empty glass infront of him. He can see the pain in his eyes reflecting from the glass.

"You've been there with him from the start Soonyoung. You never left. With that just one time you decided to ignore him, you were already suffering for years. Wouldn't that be enough? If he wants you, he'll look for you. He'll take you. He'll keep you."

Soonyoung suddenly feel like his head was about to break along with his heart. It's the truth that he can't face. He don't know how long he'll deny it. But if it will make him stay beside Jihoon. He will keep his eyes close. That one time when he decide to ignore Jihoon was the time when the other didn't bother to contact him for days. When he receive the text asking him for dinner, he want to run down the street and go to him. But his pride is hurt. He want him to feel how it is being ignored but it backfired. That same night, he comes home and Jihoon broke up with him.

For years of being together, that is the first time he asked for break up. God knows how much he wanted to kneel down and beg him to stay. But on that day, his pride was higher than any building he knows. He don't know he manage to keep calm and says okay with everything that day. He walked out from their room not even shredding a tear. That's how pride will keep you strong. It will blocked your mind. You can only think of your ego.

He waited for Jihoon to come. He has an ego to protect. He's been shattered from all the people who is doubting his capability to be the best for Jihoon. He wants them to realize that Jihoon needed him however, time pass by and Jihoon never came. He never approach him. He never take back the word he says and that annoys him. That makes a big damage to himself.

"Soonyoung, I know you love him. But you can't be in this set up forever. He's free to leave you whenever he want to and go back just like that since he knows you will always be around." Cheol bring Soonyoung back to the present by patting his shoulder.

Soonyoung got up and about to leave, he put his hand to his pocket and stops before opening the glass door infront of him. He saw his reflection. His flushed face, his hair that has been dried from sweat is all over the place. He smile at his reflection. "I know he still loves me. I will keep waiting." he don't know where he found his courage to say that. Deep inside him, he's shuttered. He has been shuttered. The hope in his heart to endure this is too small to hold already but he want to stay. Until he can. He will stay. Jihoon may not go to him yet. However, he will make sure that he will stay on that place until he found him again.